Oh For The Want Of A Good Latin Dictionary
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Willow flicked through the Latin dictionary; she was beginning to hate Latin. She had various phrases that needed to be translated by Monday for her tutorial, which would have been finished last night if it wasn't for Spike and his stupid cookies.
Willow blushed, she vaguely remembered Spike singing and a piggyback ride, the next clear memory she had was of Spike waking her up with his face buried between her legs, his tongue was just too talented. Willow sighed and wiggled slightly in her chair, after that blissful wake up call, they had proceeded to have sex. Great sex. Great sex that had made her scream and grab the bed sheets. That's when it hit her that they were copulating in Giles bed and she’d panicked, her screams were totally different to those of a few moments back. Spike had calmed her fears, assuring her that Giles was asleep and that no one would know, their secret was safe. Fears subdued, they had made good use of being in a bed together.
Willow crossed her legs and squirmed on her chair again,
wincing at the slight pain that the movement generated. Damn good use of the
bed. But of course it ended with Giles slamming the front door on his way out
and she’d woken up, horrified that Giles must have known what they’d been
doing.
"Yep, let's see...two naked people, one a girl, one a guy, in a bed and
screams, moans and groans coming from the room. No, of course they wouldn't be
doing anything that they shouldn't!" Willow muttered to herself as she
rubbed her temples, trying to will the Latin phrases to translate. Spike had
laughed at her, shrugging off her concerns. But it wasn't just the fact that
Giles would know about them - it was inevitable that people would find out, at
the moment the less people the better - it was the disrespect of the actual
act, she would hate it if someone had sex in her bed, and it was that concern
that Spike couldn't comprehend, that he had laughed at.
"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!" she screamed at her Latin textbook and
threw down her pen. "God, I wish I could talk in tongues!"
She leant back in her chair, crossed her arms and rolled her head back, a small
wicked smile tainting her lips. It had been incredible to be with Spike in a
bed, no matter how bad she felt afterwards, the way his body moved, the way it
felt, lean and muscular, strong and graceful, a wicked mind combined with an
insatiable appetite for carnal fun. The moan that penetrated her thoughts
shocked her, it was her own and she sat up straight, blushing as she realized
that she’d been in the middle of some fantasy, fervently rubbing her thighs
together. Sexual fantasies and Latin
homework just didn’t go together and she turned her attention back to the
despised Latin text.
"Why can't I be fluent in Latin?" she griped to the empty room. The
sun was setting and the quicker she got the Latin out of the way the sooner she
could go and see Spike. "It shouldn't be that hard, most of my spells are
in Latin so..."
Bringing her hand up, she chewed on her thumb, her eyes falling on one of her
spell books. After the chaos of her last spell she hadn't really been doing
much casting. Reaching out, she picked it up and started to flick through the
pages until she came across a spell of tongues. Glancing about the empty room,
she considered it for a moment. She was sober and it wasn't a hard spell, what
could possibly go wrong? Smiling, she set about to do the casting. Some twenty
minutes later she was finishing up the Latin phrases just as Spike walked
through the door, usual wicked smirk donning his lips.
"Hello, love," he bent over and placed a soft kiss on her temple,
glancing at the book in front of her. "What are you doing? Reading up on
something we haven't done yet?"
"Lasciva est nobis paginas vita proba," said Willow, smiling up at
him and Spike laughed out loud, grabbing the back of her chair to stop from
collapsing in mirth.
"What?" he asked.
"Lasciva est nobis paginas vita proba," Willow repeated, her smile
wanning as her eyes widened.
"Okay, so 'my book is filthy but my life is pure', what the hell is that
all about?" Spike asked, trying to stifle his laughter.
Willow's mouth dropped open and she bought her hands up to cover her face, the
sound of utter horror leaving her. Spike lost the need to laugh and gently
pried her fingers away from her face.
"Willow? What is it?"
She gave him a tiny half smile accompanied by a soft whimper before explaining,
in perfect Latin, that she had cast a spell of tongues. Spike lost it, he
collapsed onto the floor next to her chair in tears from laughing so hard. The tears continued to roll from his eyes
while one hand clutched at his stomach and the other poked at the air in her
general direction. After a good half hour of gut wrenching laughter, he calmed
down enough to speak to an extremely peeved Willow.
"Oh, that's just too precious," he laughed again, wiping away the
tears. "That's what you get for cheating."
Finally struggling to his feet, he picked up her spell book and, through a fit
of giggles, cast a reversal spell. Putting the book back down, he looked at her
expectantly, flicking his fingers, indicating for her to speak.
"Well I'm glad to see you enjoyed yourself at my expense!" she said,
trying to desperately fight back the smile that threatened to betray her own
feelings of mirth at her mistake. She couldn't help it, she had to laugh at
herself and Spike shook his head, holding out his hand.
"Quales illic homunculi!"
Willow's eyes narrowed in mock anger and she slapped his hand away playfully.
"I am not a 'weird little munchkin' thank you very much...oh, Spike please
tell me you're just joking? Say something else."
"Puella defututa," he grinned at her. Willow rolled her eyes in
exasperation and sighed.
"Yes, you are 'a thoroughly tried and tested nymphomaniac', but why are
you speaking in Latin?" she frowned for a moment. "And why am I
understanding every word of it? Hey, this is great - I can understand you. Oh,
yes! No more struggling with stupid Latin phrases, no more spending hours
desperately searching for the meanings of words. I love this. I wonder if I
could major in Latin? Maybe I could become a translator. Wow..."
Spike cleared his throat to gain her attention.
"What? Oh, sorry. Okay, this isn't a problem," she picked up the
spell book and looked at the page. "I'll just cast the spell and hey
presto, you'll be back to your normal self."
Spike grabbed the book from her and held it up above his head, so she couldn't
reach it.
"Spike! What are you doing? Don't you want the spell reversed?"
Spike shook his head and began to explain, in Latin, that they should go to
Giles as he had better plans for the evening rather than reversing spells all
night long. Willow pouted for a moment, she was sure she could do the simple
reversal spell, but then again if Spike had "plans" she didn't really
want to spend time mucking around, especially when they could be playing
instead.
"Okay, fine...since you don't trust me," Willow grabbed her coat and
headed toward the door. Spike grabbed her arm and spun her back into him, his
hands reaching down to cup her ass. Willow smiled at him and rested her arms
about his neck. "I know what you are thinking, Mister, and the answer is
no - not while you are speaking Latin."
"Male me marem putatis?" he asked, smirking at her.
"Well this," she said bringing one hand down to stroke his jean
covered erection, causing him to moan and close his eyes briefly. "Would
certainly disagree with the notion that I 'think this stud's been knackered'.
But we should go and see Giles so he can help us."
Spike murmured something before crashing his lips down on hers, his tongue
demanding entrance. Snaking one arm about her waist, he grabbed one of her legs
bringing it to his hip and she immediately wrapped it around him as his hand
returned to her ass, picking her up and walking them to the bed. With a
combined muffled grunt, they fell back onto the bed. Pulling her mouth away
from his, Willow smirked up at him and shrugged.
"I think Giles can wait for a few hours," she offered.
***
"Willow...hello, I'm afraid Spike has gone out...or rather is right behind
you..." Giles looked at the couple suspiciously. Willow was looking guilty
and Spike was looking bemused.
"Giles, hi!" said Willow brightly, pushing past the Watcher and into
his lounge room. "You know how you kind of told me not to do anymore
spells? Or rather that I should be more careful in my casting?"
Giles took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. He suspected he
wasn't going to like this. "Yes."
"Well, you know I'm just a college kid...we never really listen. Of
course, you wouldn't know that, you don't have kids. But hey, you earnt the
nickname "Ripper" during your day so you probably could understand
that whole do the opposite to what you are told by your authority figures
thing...and that's not really the point. Sorry," she shrugged and smiled
broadly. "Well, the thing is I cast a 'tongues' spell and it worked,
really well, in fact I can understand Latin now - I think I might even be able
to write in Latin!"
"You came to tell me that, Willow?" asked Giles, putting his glasses
back on and glancing at a suspiciously quiet Spike.
"Well, no, not really." Willow scrunched up her face, Giles wasn't
going to be too happy about her latest spell bungle.
"What have you done, Willow?" Giles sighed.
Spike all but growled at the annoyed attitude that came with Giles question.
"Ab hoc eiecto cadavere quicquam mihi aut opis aut ornamenti
expetebam," spat Spike.
Willow groaned and rubbed at her temple. < 'I can't believe I was looking
for anything useful or even ornamental in that lump of outcast offal', oh
please don't let Giles understand! > thought Willow, her face crumpling into
a frown.
"What in god's name did he just say?" asked Giles, astonished by the
vampire's apparent fondness for using Latin.
"That's what happened. The spell backfired, I could only speak Latin and
Spike did a reversal spell and now it's the only thing he can speak. Do you
think you can help?" Willow blurted out, hoping beyond hope that Giles
wasn't fluent in Latin and that Spike would keep his mouth shut.
"Really Willow, how many times must we have this conversation? You know
how dangerous it can be messing about with magic. All spells hold a certain
amount of risk. Certainly this time it may just be talking in tongues, but what
next? You have to be more careful!"
Spike growled at the Watcher, sick of his attitude, sick of his total lack of
belief in Willow's skills, sick of his whole holier than thou attitude. He was
going down, once the chip was gone Giles was right up there on the "must
kill" list.
"Nil bene cum fagias, facias tamen omnia belde, vis digam quid sis? Magnus
es ardalio." Spike growled at him and Giles turned his head, staring at
the blond before laughing. "Quid rides vervex?"
< What did he just say? Think girl, think...um...um...'You do nothing well.
But everything you do, you do in style. How should we describe you? You are
just a great big piece of fluff.' That's not good. Oh god, 'what are you
laughing at sheep's head?' Shut up, Spike. > thought Willow, starting to panic.
"Okay, Spike, now would be a really good time to...to..." Willow
desperately struggled with an idea that might shut him up before Giles actually
worked out what he was saying. "Consider what you're future will be like
in half an hour if you don't shut up!"
Spike looked at her. Was that a threat? What would happen in half an hour if he
didn't shut up? What was she going to do to him? Crossing his arms he studied
her, they were planning on going out for a drive in the Desoto after Giles
fixed everything. Suddenly it dawned on him, if anything else came out of his
mouth he would be locking himself in the bathroom and spending the rest of the
night having a good wank. He shut up.
Willow sighed and turned back to Giles. "I know I should have been more
careful, but I was in a rush and now, well, now everything is
just...just..."
"Willow, I’m serious," stated Giles, taking off his glasses and
glaring at her. "Magic isn't something you should mess about with - it has
serious consequences. I know and you know that you have a wonderful aptitude
for magic, you could be very powerful, but you have to be careful..."
Willow shifted uneasily on her feet, glancing at the ground. She knew Giles was
right, she had allowed her desire for Spike to distract her, her casting was
clumsy and rushed. Giles sighed and put his glasses back on.
"Which spells did you two use?" he asked. Busying themselves, the
three bent over Willow's spell book and set about gathering the various
ingredients, the last of many of Giles’ supplies. As he laid out the various
ingredients, he watched Spike and Willow from the corner of his eye. Willow was
oblivious to being observed, Spike not so, but he continued to whisper things
in her ear and brush against her. Giles watched quietly as Spike whispered something
in her ear, making her giggle and blush. He couldn't help but smile, it was the
happiest he had seen Willow in months. The Watcher shook his head, Spike was
still a bloodthirsty demon and he wondered if the vampire knew what it meant to
be involved with the redhead. Maybe it was time for another 'talk' with Spike.
"Willow."
"Yes Giles?" she asked stepping away from Spike.
"Could you run down to the magic store and pick up the ingredients we have
used while I cast the spell?" Giles asked, lighting a candle.
"Oh, well I thought that you'd need my help," Willow frowned.
"No, no it won't be necessary. You can put the things on my account,"
Giles stated straitening up and working the kinks out of his back. "By the
time you get back everything will be fixed."
"Oh, okay then," Willow crossed her arms and headed out the door
without a backward glance at the incredibly pissed off vampire and a rather
bemused Watcher.
***
"Just send me away, like some little five year old. 'Oh, Willow go do
this, go do that...no more casting for you'," Willow muttered as she
walked toward the magic shop, her face twisting and grimacing. She was totally
unaware that the spell had been cast and a small war of the words were
currently being waged at Giles apartment. "Well at least I can understand
Latin now."
"And that so important these days where long dead languages are constantly
used."
"Buffy!" Willow nearly jumped out of her skin when someone actually
answered her ramblings. "What are you doing here?"
"I was just heading on over to Giles. Thought I'd drop in and see how he's
going. So are you feeling less inebriated than last night?" Buffy grinned
at her friend, who immediately blushed.
"Oh Buffy, I am so sorry about...what I said...last night and all,"
Willow frowned as her various 'speeches' drifted through her mind and Buffy
laughed.
"That's okay, you were pretty far gone. I trust that Giles kept you two
apart?" Buffy smirked and Willow could feel her whole face flame bright
red. She immediately started stuttering,
causing Buffy to laugh again. "Are you coming to visit Giles then?"
"What? Oh...um...well..." Willow stammered trying to think up a
plausible reason why Buffy shouldn't go to Giles. "You know, I think he is
doing something with Spike. It might not be a good idea."
"What on earth could he possibly be doing with Spike that I shouldn't
interrupt?" Buffy frowned, her face then paled. "Oh, they aren't
doing things that we, as heterosexual women, really don't want to even think
about - are they? Because I know they're English and all but that's
just...ick!"
"What?!" exclaimed Willow. Her mind suddenly flashed several unwanted
images of Spike and Giles in a number of bizarre and twisted positions.
"Ew, no, no definitely not."
"Well then, Giles won't mind. Come on," Buffy tugged on her friends
arm and led her back to the apartment she had left some ten minutes before. As
they walked through the door, they were greeted with the sight of the two men
standing off and screaming at each other...in Latin.
"What is going on?" Buffy asked, her jaw nearly hitting the ground.
"Oh no," muttered Willow, she glanced at an enraged Spike before
turning to Giles. "What happened?"
He explained in Latin, with Spike throwing in curses and Willow translating for
Buffy, that he had stuffed up. Willow shook her head in disbelief, could this
get anymore complicated? At least it was nice to see that Giles occasionally
got things wrong as well.
"Why didn't you just recast the spell then?" Buffy asked and Giles
threw his hands up in the air, muttering something that Willow decided didn't
need translating.
"Because he doesn't have the ingredients," Willow stood up and headed
for the door. "I'll go get them now. Will you stay with them, Buffy? Make
sure they don't tear each others throats out?"
It certainly looked as if that was what they were going to do with each of them
sitting on opposite sides of the room, casting death stares and the promise of
exquisite torture at the other. Spike, for his part, was glowering, the demon
just below the surface, his eyes flashing gold every time they fell on the
Watcher.
"Sure, not a problem," Buffy sat down on the couch as Willow left the
apartment and glanced at the two men. "So, I guess general conversation is
out of the question. What about charades?"
***
Willow paused outside of the front door, her arms full of supplies from the
magic shop, and listened to the soft tones of Spike's voice. Frowning, she bit
her bottom lip, that was the tone of voice he used with her generally in that
blissful period after a good shag and just before they fell asleep. Suddenly
she heard Buffy giggle and she had to swallow back the lump that was forming in
her throat. Giles voice cut through Buffy's giggle and much to Willow's horror
it had that same romantic ambience as Spike's had held a few moments before.
Leaning forward, she listened carefully to the Latin that he spoke.
"Psallere et saltare elegantius, quam negesse est probae," Giles all
but breathed to Buffy.
< 'Plucking the lyre and gyrating her hips with a lot more dexterity than is
needed by a decent woman.' What is he raving about? > Willow frowned, <
Maybe I've lost my knack for translating? >
"Sed ei gariora semper omnia quam decus atque pudicitia fuit;"
Spike's voice reached her ears, still soft and seductive. "Pecuniae an
famae minus parcerect, haud facile discerners."
< 'Modesty and decency were the last things on her shopping list; and it
would be difficult to work out whether she economised more stringently on her
money or her reputation.' Okay this is just getting plain weird. What are those
two playing at? > Willow thought as she continued to listen, enthralled by
the soft voices of the two men.
"Mulier nigris dignissima barris," Giles spoke again.
< Oh my god, 'the kind of woman who could only be satisfied by a big black
elephant', this is getting silly! > without further ado Willow pushed open
the door. There, sitting happily on Giles’ couch were all three of them. Giles
and Spike shared an evil smirk while Buffy sat between them, her eyes glazed
over and her breath coming rapidly. Spying Willow, she jumped off the couch,
blushing furiously.
"Willow, I...you...you weren't very long," she gulped, obviously
flustered and walked over to the redhead, grabbing her arm. "I never knew
that Latin could be so romantic!"
Willow looked at her friends flushed face, she didn't have the heart to tell
her that both the guys had been insulting her.
"Yes, I guess it can be."
"Mmm, well, I think I'll be off now. I'll see you back at the dorm,"
Buffy said, heading toward the door.
"Hey, weren't you here to see Giles?" Willow asked as Spike and Giles
took the magic supplies from her.
"Oh, it doesn't matter. I'll see you later," and with that she was
gone. Willow shook her head and turned back to the two men.
"That was just plain mean of you two!"
Spike grinned and turned to wave at the long gone Buffy. "Moecha
putida."
"Buffy is not a 'dirty slut'," Willow hissed slapping Spike's arm. He
merely shrugged and Giles shook his head at the two's behaviour.
"Omnis oratio moribus consonet." Giles told Spike as he went about
setting up the ingredients once more.
< 'Your vocabulary is in perfect harmony with you horrid habits.' Well,
Giles, I have to agree with you on that, but I think I'll keep my mouth shut.
> Willow ducked her head down and looked at her hands.
"Garrula lingua!" Spike replied.
"Spike, Giles is not a 'motor mouth'," sighing, she turned to the
Watcher. "Can we PLEASE do this spell, I'm getting a headache from
translating everything."
Behind her, Spike panicked, not liking the effect that a headache would have on
their plans for the evening, and he urged Giles to just "do the bloody
spell".
Giles shook his head at the blond. "Corruptor iuventutis!"
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