Spike Experiences The Joy Of Childbirth
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"You're a
bloody twit," proclaimed Spike, walking through the door of Giles
apartment, clutching at his stomach with a grimace marring his face. Buffy
sauntered in behind him, shaking her head.
"Stop being such a baby," she said. flopping down onto the couch and
Giles frowned at them.
"How did it go then?" Giles asked. The two had reluctantly agreed to
go out together and retrieve a jewel from one of the many crypts in Sunnydale
that had attracted the attention of some nondescript, end-of-the-world type
demons.
"I am never doing anything for the greater good again," spat Spike
before groaning and doubling over in pain. Willow, who had been sitting on her
hands trying to restrain herself from showing any special attention to Spike,
which could be correctly interpreted by the rest of the gang, jumped up and
rushed over to him.
"What happened? What is it? Are you okay?" she fussed, taking hold of
his hand and leading him to a chair, but Anya was the only one who so much as
raised an eyebrow. Turning from the still groaning Spike, she faced Buffy.
"What happened to him?"
"Please," stated Buffy, incredulously casting a general 'I really
dislike you' look toward Spike's doubled over form. "He's just being a
wimp. We got the rock, a really nice emerald...actually do we have to destroy
it? 'Cause I was thinking it would look really nice cut into pieces and made up
in some..."
"Buffy," Giles spoke firmly as Spike once more groaned and clutched
at Willow's hand. "I hardly think that jewellery is a suitable topic at
this point in time. What exactly happened?"
"Well the demons showed up, four of them, with swords and I thought that
I'd put the emerald somewhere safe while we fought. I mean I didn't want it to
fall out of a pocket or be easily accessible in case they got hold of me,"
Buffy paused and shot a glance at Spike, smirking. "So I put it somewhere
safe."
"What exactly does that have to do with Spike?" asked Giles
exasperated.
"The stupid little chit forced it down my fucking throat," Spike
growled, his eyes flashing gold as he shot her a withering stare. Giles tried,
unsuccessfully, to hold back a smile of amusement while Xander laughed
outright.
"Buffy, how could you?" Willow asked, shocked by her friend's
apparent insensitivity toward Spike.
"I had to think on my feet, Will, and that was the safest place I could
think of. It couldn't get lost or dropped and it was safe from the
demons," Buffy stated standing up. It had, at the time, seemed like the
best solution. She looked at the blond being comforted by Willow; he did seem
to be in a bit of pain. "Anyway, now we have to get it out and destroy
it."
Spike's eyes widened. "What the bloody hell are you talking about
woman?"
"The emerald, come on spit it out. Otherwise we'll have to go in after
it," Buffy leered at Spike and he did the only thing possible, cursed her
and hid behind Willow. Giles thought it was time to intervene.
"Both of you, that's enough," he spat, silently wishing that they
would all stop behaving like children. "Really Buffy, you could have been
more considerate, I am sure that there were other options available,"
Buffy merely shrugged and sat back down on the couch. Sighing, Giles turned to
the vampire. "I suppose the best way to get the gem is for you
to...er...well regurgitate it."
Spike looked up at him. "You want me to throw up?"
Giles nodded and headed to his kitchen to retrieve a bucket. Returning, he
placed it squarely in front of Spike on the coffee table. "That would be
the best way."
"Okay, this is starting to become gross," stated Anya. Turning to
Xander, she frowned. "This is your idea of a social evening with your
friends? Watching some neutered vampire throw up?"
"Well..." began Xander.
"Hey, this isn't exactly fun for me you know," declared Spike,
glaring at the ex demon. Leaning forward, he looked expectantly at the bottom
of the bucket and opened his mouth. Nothing happened. He leant back. "How
am I meant to throw up?"
"Catch a stomach bug," offered Xander.
"Think of something really gross and stomach turning, like your
face," stated Buffy.
"Buffy, you really aren't helping," Giles chastised. Sighing, he
looked at Spike and rubbed at his temple. "I can mix up a few things that
might help with the gag reflexes."
Again Giles disappeared into the kitchen and returned a few moments later with
some foul smelling concoction. Willow raised an eyebrow and frowned at the
Watcher.
"Okay, is he meant to drink it or smell it?" asked Willow, trying to
wave the stench of the brew away.
"Drink it," Giles stated, handing Spike the mug. Twisting his face in
a strange mixture of pain and disgust, Spike swallowed the whole mug in one
foul gulp.
"Are you trying to poison me? That's fucking disgusting," he said,
sticking his tongue out and screwing up his eyes.
"Well actually yes, it is a mild poison, but it will cause you to have the
required gag reflexes," Giles calmly stated, taking back the mug and
Willow’s face paled, her eyes widening in disbelief.
"Way to go Giles, poison Spike," Xander said, grinning like a maniac.
Turning, he elbowed Anya in the ribs. "See and you thought he liked
him."
Before Anya or anyone else could comment, Spike lurched forward and heaved,
spewing the brew and blood into the bucket. The whole room was filled with the
sounds of dry retching and disgust from the others.
"That is so disgusting...did the emerald come up?" asked Buffy, not
looking at the contents of the bucket. Spike shook his head and threw up again.
Wiping his mouth on a cloth that Giles handed him, he shook his head.
"This isn't working. I need something to really make me heave," Spike
declared.
Xander's face lit up. "You mean like 'Exorcists' pea soup stuff?"
"You’re really not helping, Xander," said Giles, sparing the boy a
quick glance.. "Does anyone have any suggestions?"
"Maybe if we give him something to visualise, you know, like rotting
corpses, disembowelling humans and the stench that their stomach and bowels
make," Anya offered, making both Xander and Buffy turn green.
"That's disgusting," frowned Buffy as her stomach lurched and Anya
merely shrugged.
"Nah, that sort of thing only gets me all...excited," Spike smirked
before looking at the people staring at him. "Come on! I have to really
heave - tell me something to make me heave!"
Anya shrugged and Xander looked at him like he was possessed. Giles was
mentally sorting through his mind, trying to desperately think of something
that would create the desired affect while Buffy was concentrating on not
throwing up herself. Willow glanced from Spike to Buffy and back to Spike.
Leaning forward, she whispered in his ear.
"Kissing Buffy," Spike grinned at her, his hand squeezing her ass
affectionately without drawing attention to the others.
"Having my sire’s bitch - no good love. Although the taste of Slayer was
foul," Spike laughed and suddenly Buffy slapped him across the head, he
had no idea she could move that fast. "Hey, get off me you stupid bloody
cow."
Buffy scowled and sat back down on the couch, crossing her arms. Willow looked
at her friend again and smiled. Turning back to Spike, she crept closer to him.
Speaking slowly and clearly, she put forward an image, making sure that the
whole room was able to hear.
"Angel and Buffy swapping spit," she suggested, making Spike dry
heave and he motioned for her to continue. "Angel and Buffy declaring
their love for each other, constantly while swapping even more spit, and we are
talking serious deep tonguing here."
Spike lurched forward and heaved, bringing up the rich dark blood that his body
survived on. Gasping unnecessarily, he closed his eyes. "Keep going
love."
"Angel and Buffy having sex, no not having sex but making LOVE!"
Willow said sweetly making Spike once more heave. Buffy began to protest, only
to be hushed by Giles and Willow kept going. "Angel and Buffy doing the
deed, rubbing uglies, getting pelvic, shagging, bonking, copulating..."
As she continued with the list of repulsive images, Spike jettisoned the
contents of his stomach until he dry heaved. But it proved fruitless and the
emerald remained elusive. Groaning, Spike sunk back into the depths of his
chair and Willow stroked his head in sympathy.
"What now?" asked Buffy, peeved that she was the main cause of Spikes
ability to throw up.
"We wait," stated Giles calmly.
"WHAT??" screamed Spike, jumping off the chair and starting to pace.
"No way, this THING," he gestured with his hands wildly. "Is cut
- you know sharp edges. It's fucking ripping me up!"
"Stop being such a baby - it's not that big," Buffy stated, shaking
her head. "Maybe you should eat some bran - you know, the sooner it’s out
the better."
"Oh that's just bloody great," says Spike plonking back down on the
couch and wincing in obvious pain as the emerald moved. "Somebody get me a
crate of whiskey."
"Well, as fascinating as this is, I think it is time for Xander and I to
leave," stated Anya heading to the door, turning back to Xander.
"Xander, come."
Xander shrugged and followed her.
"Come on, Willow, we might as well go too," Buffy said, standing up
and Willow glanced at Spike, who nodded slightly so as not to attract the
Slayer’s attention. Reluctantly, Willow got up and with Buffy said goodnight
and left.
***
Some four hours later, Willow was back at the apartment. She couldn't stand the
thought of Spike being by himself while in pain. Needless to say, the sight
that greeted her as she walked through the front door was surprising. Giles was
stretched out on the couch, reading a book with his headphones on and there was
no sign of Spike. Frowning, Willow walked up behind Giles and tapped him on the
shoulder.
"Aaaahhh," he screamed, launching himself from the couch and pulling
off the headphones. Turning, he came face to face with a worried Willow.
"Willow, you...you...startled me."
Willow smiled at him stating the obvious. "Why the head..."
Before she managed to finish the question a long guttural moan came from the
bathroom, shortly followed by a series of curses that would make the most
hardened individual blush. Glancing up the stairs, she frowned and turned back
to Giles, who was staring at the door at the top of the stairs that led to the
bathroom. Clearing his throat, he glanced back down at Willow.
"Apparently it is somewhat...painful," offered Giles, a look of
concern crossing his face. "Perhaps it would be best if you weren't here,
Willow."
"Why aren't you helping him?" asked Willow as another low groan could
be heard.
"Ah well, you see he...refused my help. Actually, there isn't a lot anyone
can do, the emerald simply has to work its way through his system." Giles
paused as another bout of swearing floated down from the bathroom. "I
understand that the emerald was cut to be as sharp as razors, so I can't
imagine that it would be the most pleasant experience."
"But you can't just leave him up there alone! Have you been checking on
him? Does he need blood?"
"Well..." Giles wasn't prepared to share with her the verbal abuse
Spike had delivered to him at his offer of assistance. Since that time he had
merely left the vampire to wallow in his agony while he passed the time until
the stone made an appearance.
"You haven't, have you?" Willow demanded, stamping her foot and
glaring at the Watcher. Giles dropped his head guiltily.
"No," he mumbled, she was right in a way, he should have at least
been checking on Spike occasionally. Any reprimanding that Willow may have been
going to deal out was cut off as another painful groan came from the bathroom.
Willow shook her head and started up the stairs. Giles stood watching her,
wondering if Spike in his pain induced fury could be dangerous. Mind you, he didn't
like the idea of trying to stop Willow when she had her resolve face firmly in
place. Sighing, he went back to the couch and picked up his book.
Willow knocked on the door, only to be answered by a low growl. Taking a deep
breath, she opened the door and peaked inside.
"Oh god," was all she could mutter. The bathroom was completely
wrecked. The shower curtain had been torn down and shredded, towels lay
scattered on the floor and other bits and pieces lay strewn about. Spike
himself was resting his forehead against the hand basin, bent over, his arms
crossed and cradling his stomach. He had stripped down to his jeans and his
pale skin was covered in a fine sheen of sweat. Moving to him, Willow gingerly
touched his cold, clammy shoulder and shuddered at the sight of clotted and
dark, stagnant blood in the hand basin. "Spike?"
"Kill her," he all but growled through clenched teeth.
"What?"
"The fucking bitch of a Slayer - kill her," he snapped out, his face
crumpling up in agony. "Better yet, bring her here and let me do it - I'll
rip her fucking guts out."
"Oh Spike, I'm sure that..."
"NO!" he hissed at her, lifting his head from the basin, his eyes
flashing gold and his demon coming to the fore. "She has to fucking pay
for this." Willow was suddenly very releived that she couldn't understand
the rest of his mutterings as she began to rub comforting circles on his back.
"Maybe if you try breathing through the pain?" Willow offered,
earning a withering look from Spike.
"I don't breathe," he stated, resting his head against the basin
again, groaning long and low before continuing in his rant. "I hope she
marries a good catholic boy and has at least 8 fucking pregnancies that are all
multiple bloody births, with huge bloody heads and that they fucking rip the
crap out of her."
"Well, okay..." offered Willow, unsure of what to say. She glanced in
the basin, her stomach turning at the sight of the clotted blood, and wondered
how long ago he had thrown up. Suddenly, his body lurched under her hand and another
flood of blood poured from his mouth. "Okay, that answers my
question."
"What?" he asked feebly between spitting out the remnants.
"Nothing, do you want some blood to drink? Can I get you anything?"
Willow asked, uncertain how exactly to nurse a vampire who was passing an
emerald. Spike shook his head, before his face twisted in agony.
"Yeah, bring me the Slayer, I'll drink her blood and drain the bitch dry
then rip her heart out for a keepsake," he hissed.
”Okay, I think Buffy should stay away for a few days,” she murmured to herself.
The next few
hours were spent alternately reassuring Spike, listening to him rant and
holding his hand as wave after wave of agony swept through him until he passed
the emerald. Willow had never seen so much blood in all her life, apart from
the constant throwing up every half hour (Willow could have set her watch by
his sessions of heaving), that was nothing to when the emerald actually came
out. Dark and stagnant blood, marring his pale skin, making the emerald look
more purple than green, and he seem to bleed for hours afterwards. Exhausted
and weak, she sat cradling him in the comfort of her arms on the bathroom floor
until the blood stopped flowing, only then did she get up and walk down stairs
to Giles with the stone.
"Here you go," she said handing over the gem, which was nearly as big
as her palm. Giles turned it over in his own hands as Willow went into the
kitchen to warm up some blood.
"No wonder he was making such a fuss," he stated, glancing at Willow.
"Is he okay?"
Willow nodded mutely as she waited for the microwave to beep. Taking the mug
out, she turned to head back up the stairs. As she passed Giles, she paused and
looked at him.
"Perhaps it would be best if you call Buffy and tell her to keep out of
his sight for a few days," she said quietly, not wanting to share with the
Watcher the details that Spike had described to her about what he was going to
do to the Slayer the next time he saw her. "I'm going to give him a bath,
get him cleaned up...if that's okay?"
"Oh, of course, Willow," Giles said nodding in agreement. "Take
as long as you like."
Willow nodded and headed back up to the bathroom. Spike was still leaning back
against the tub, butt naked, and blood marring his excessively pale skin. Kneeling
down next to him, she handed him the mug, her free hand caressing his face.
"Thanks, love," he said taking it from her. Standing up, she began to
clean away the chaos, letting the water rinse away the bloody mess in the sink.
"Willow, leave it, I'll clean it up later."
"No, it's okay, I've nearly finished anyway," she turned back to him,
smiling slightly before leaning over and filling up the bath with warm water.
"Get in."
Spike, too tired to argue, climbed in, grateful of the warmth that slowly enveloped
him and leant back, closing his eyes, listening as Willow moved about in the
small room. He felt her hands on his back, urging him forward and he sighed as
she slipped in behind him. Turning in the water, he rested on his side, his
arms snaking about her waist and rested his head between her breasts, placing a
light kiss on her skin.
"Thank you," he whispered, letting her steady heartbeat and warm
hands soothe him.
"You're welcome," she kissed the top of his head, stroking his hair
with her long fingers.
"I am telling you now, you are never having kids, I don't want you to go
through anything like that," Spike demanded, his arms holding her tightly
to him, one hand lightly tracing her ass. He felt her heartbeat increase
beneath his ear. "Willow?"
"Shhh, Spike. No more talking, just rest."
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