The Games We Play

Squeaking Beds and the Threat of Castration

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Giles bounced on the bed, his head resting against a wealth of pillows. Sighing, he stopped bouncing and jerked his body up and down, trying to rattle the bed. No squeaking, that was good. Mind you his old bed didn't squeak...until 3am this morning when Spike and Willow began their fourth coupling. Strange isn't it how, when you know that someone is having sex, your ears become sensitive to the sounds?

Giles had thought that as he lay on the couch, watching the second hand make its torturously slow journey around the clock while listening to Spike and Willow groaning and moaning. The first time he had simply turned on his heel and walked away, deciding that he didn't want to know. The second time, some half an hour after his initial discovery, he had become curious as he listened to the muttered terms of endearment and the soft guttural moans of pleasure that were floating down the stairs. The third time, a little after midnight, he’d tried to block the sounds and upsetting thoughts out by covering his face with a pillow – he’d only succeeded in nearly suffocating. The fourth time, as the bed began its screeching and squealing protests, he had gotten off the couch to pace, after growling obscenities about the stamina of a rutting vampire and cursing the rejuvenating energies of youth. He had lost count after that, but needless to say he didn't sleep for the rest of the night and had left early in the morning to go to the furniture store.

Now, as he tested the various beds and ensembles, he let his mind wander to the possibilities of Spike and Willow as a couple. From his observations, it was obvious that they had been lovers for a time...for how long, he wasn't too sure. He moved restlessly about on the bed. It made him edgy to think that he had been so ignorant as to what was going on, especially as he thought back over the past few weeks and he could see blatant signs - their behaviour after LA...

Giles sat up on the bed, his head spinning in protest at the sudden movement, remembering the conversation with Spike. Had he been telling the truth? Giles groaned and pressed the palm of his hands to his eyes, how could he have been so blind? The incident with Oz, then afterwards, before Oz left, Spike had always been hovering around Willow, whispering things, touching her and then his behaviour the night Buffy was looking for her. Giles laid back down and shook his head in disgust at his own stupidity - that night Spike had come back just before sunrise and slept the whole day, a stupid smirk plastered on his face. Since then, Spike always left as soon as the sun set only to return just before sunrise and Giles hadn't seen Willow at all during that time.

Lovers. Having sex. Having sex in his bed. A shudder ripped through him, bloody hell, they made his bed squeak and his bed wasn't meant to squeak - ever! No matter what...unless, of course, he was in it. His eyes flew open as a rather disturbing image flashed through his mind, the three of them naked in his bed, doing things that would definitely make it squeak.

"Do you like it?" a soft female voice jarred him out of his erotic vision.

"What? No, no I would never consider...oh...you're um talking about the bed...of course you're talking about the bed...what else would you be talking about? Certainly not a..." he glanced up at the young women, who was looking at him like she was considering calling the police. He coughed slightly, clearing his throat. "Yes, actually I do. Do you have it in a King size?"

He was determined to buy all new linen as well and he couldn't do that if he simply bought another queen-size bed.

"Of course," the women looked at the flushed and obviously flustered gentleman who seemed lost in thought. "Will you be needing linen?"

"Erm, yes, yes...I'll need everything and at least two sets of sheets," stated Giles, pushing himself off the bed. As he automatically gave his details to the shop assistant his thoughts again returned to Spike and Willow. He was certain that no one else was aware of their, he shuddered at the thought of the word he had to use to describe it, relationship, except maybe Oz who had left. If Buffy ever found out about what was going on he was certain that Spike would be dust...dust...and where would that leave Willow? It wasn’t a pleasant thought and the possibilities were disturbing, to say the least.

Willow wasn't the sort of girl to just jump into bed with someone, especially not a vampire, defanged or not, without some sort of emotional attachment. Whether Giles liked it or not, Willow was involved with Spike, cared for him enough to give herself to him physically. His logical side protested at that fact, Willow was a good girl, she loved wholly and unselfishly, would give herself wholly and unselfishly, and he wondered if Spike understood that or if she was merely some sort of toy for the vampire? Maybe a sick twisted way to get back at the Slayer, since he couldn't physically hurt her, why not hurt her emotionally by using Willow?

"So what sort of linen were you interested in? We have some lovely satin sheets on special at the moment - nothing more delightful than slipping into cool soft satin on those warm Sunnydale nights," the saleswomen offered cheerfully.

"Satin?" Giles squeaked, his mind filled with images of Spike dragging Willow upstairs and shagging her senseless on red satin sheets. "No, no! Cotton, white if possible, thank you."

Giles hoped that white cotton sheets would be off putting for the perpetually horny vampire. Horny, yes, but would he really use Willow merely to get back at the Slayer? Giles turned to stare blindly at the bed linen stacked before him, it would seem a petty act of retaliation. However, Spike was a vampire and that’s what vampires were known for. But then again, Spike was different. He had betrayed his sire for the sake of love, admittedly that had gone badly and he had been scorned and dumped by Drusilla. As far as Giles could tell, Spike had gone from one meaningless shag to another after that. Perhaps he saw Willow as just another conquest, another notch in the belt and the thought irritated Giles to no end, Willow didn't deserve to be treated like that - especially if she really did care for the vampire, as he feared.

"Well, we can have the bed delivered this afternoon. Is four o'clock suitable Mr Giles?"

"What? Four? Yes, that will be perfect. Thank you so much for your assistance."

***

Spike prodded at the microwave to heat his blood. He was wearing just his jeans and a sooky pout because Willow had left to go back to her dorm after being totally mortified about what they had done. She’d felt so guilty that she had stripped Giles bed and put the linen in the washing machine, leaving Spike strict instructions to transfer it to the dryer.

Spike smirked, what a night they'd had - there was no argument about who had to sleep in the wet patch, by the time the sun rose the whole bloody bed was a huge wet patch. Naked and in bed together, that was the way he had always wanted it. Unfortunately, it had ended around nine that morning when Giles had slammed the door on his way out, Willow had woken, done her guilt ridden cleaning act and was incredibly pissed off at Spike.

"Secret! Remember SECRET!" she had hissed at him, her forehead crumpling into a frown while her lips formed a pout, which only turned him on more. Unfortunately there was no means of convincing her to let him kiss it better. She had continued her rant on the importance of keeping their relationship a secret as she stripped the bed and remade it, then announced that she was going to go back to the dorm. Spike had tried to dissuade her, but it didn't work and she'd left. Now all Spike wanted to do was eat and crash.

Unfortunately nothing was going to work the way he wanted it to. Giles came home just as the microwave beeped and as Spike turned around to mutter some form of greeting, Giles’ fist collided with his face, sending him and the mug of warm blood crashing to the floor.

"What the bloody hell..." Spike was cut off as Giles picked up a large knife and held it to his jean-clad testicles. Spike stopped all movement and eyed the Watcher carefully, he was in deep shit. "Okay, mate, want to tell me why you are so testy?"

Spike grimaced as Giles twisted the knife blade up, putting even more pressure on his testicles, and decided that "testy" wasn't the best choice of words when faced with an irate Watcher holding a very sharp blade to his balls.

"What is going on?"

"Well, apparently you're about to castrate me so I can sing soprano. Personally, I prefer my tenor range...you know quite happy with it...manly and all that...takes balls - which is something I'd really like to hold on to, so if you'll just," Spike lowered his hand only to have Giles move the knife and cut through the denim, the blade pressing into the flesh of his balls. "Fuck! Okay, what do you want to know?"

"Willow," stated Giles, glaring at the panic-stricken vampire.

"She's left, gone back to the dorm," offered Spike and Giles shook his head, raising the blade and eliciting a sound of sheer horror to leave the blond.

"What is going on between you two?"

Spike was screwed. He could remain loyal to Willow, keep their secret and lose two of his best qualities, or tell and perhaps lose Willow. He didn't want to lose either of them. Shit, he hated indecision - why couldn't he just have a nice easy prompt in which way to go? He got it as the blade cut lightly into the flesh of his balls.

"She's mine!" he hissed. Probably didn't sound very good, but it was true in his eyes and it was enough of an answer to relieve the pressure of the knife on his testicles.

"How long?" asked Giles and Spike swallowed, clenching his jaw.

"A few weeks," Spike muttered. “Not long.”

"Why?"

"Why? Geez, take a look at her mate. Why bloody not?" Spike yelled and gasped as he felt the blade dig back into the flesh of his balls.

"Are you just using her for sex?"

"Look you bloody git, I told you already, she is mine! If I just wanted a fuck, I'd go shag a rabid whore. Bloody hell, you're holding a fucking blade to my gonads, do you think I would fuck around with you?" Spike hissed as the blade pressed harder against his flesh and his game face came to the fore. "She is mine and nothing you say or do will change that!"

Giles pulled the knife away and stood up. It was enough for him that Spike, in his own twisted way, cared for Willow. That was all he needed to know.

"Watcher," Spike called as Giles threw the knife into the sink and he turned to look at the vampire. "No one knows, no one needs to know - that's what Willow wants."

"I think, for the moment, that would be best," Giles stated calmly, heading back toward the living room. Pausing in the doorway, he turned back to Spike. "One thing, don't EVER have sex in my bed AGAIN, or I swear I will stake you myself."

Spike waited until Giles was out of sight before pulling his legs up and cradling his balls. "Hell of a way to get your point across, mate!"