Cookies, Carnal Carnival and Getting Busted
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"Food."
Spike was getting the inside information
from Anya as to what always led to sex. He didn't know how the conversation had
started, or even how it had gone from general chitchat to the best ways to get
sex, but it had. Now, as they were strolling amongst the dying crowds of the
small market in one of Sunnydale’s many parks, Spike was beginning to wish he
had never consented to walking her to Xander's.
"Food?" Spike didn't believe her. A gift of jewellery, pets and
pretty clothes was his usual way of getting the leg over if sweet talk and
physical touch didn't work. Now this ex-demon was telling him something
completely different - blew all his ideologies about sex completely out of the
water. "How's that then?"
"Think about it. Dates always include food of some type, from dinner to
popcorn. Food is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs in the world, some foods more
so than others," Anya stated, completely sure of herself.
"Yeah, like what?" Spike couldn't help it, he was curious. It had
been just over a week since he'd claimed Willow in the library and they had
shagged every single night since then. Although much to Spike's disappointment,
they still hadn't made it into a bed because there was a part of him that
wanted to take Willow in a bed, fall asleep with her and never let her out of his
arms. Of course with his present living arrangements that just wasn't possible
- especially since they'd agreed, after Willow put forward the suggestion, that
they should keep their relationship a secret.
"Well, if I want more than one orgasm I always give Xander foods rich in
caffeine - tends to keep him awake and interested. You can never go wrong with
chocolate," she paused for a moment, considering the relationship between
food and sex. "I once gave him oysters - those are known aphrodisiacs -
unfortunately it didn't work. He spent the whole evening in the toilet,
projectile vomiting, he said they reminded him too much of mucus."
"So you're saying chocolate will get you sex?" Spike couldn't believe
that, it couldn't be that simple.
"With most humans, yes. Although you should vary the forms in which you
give it - sometimes in bars, other times in fancy little individual flavoured
chocolates and then there are cakes..." Spike tuned out of the
conversation, he had gotten what he wanted. Food equalled sex...sex was good.
Willow, in a moment of academic panic had declared that tonight she had to
study, which meant no sex. So tonight would be an excellent time to test Anya's
theory and Spike smirked as he thought of the possibilities of combining
chocolate and sex. This food thing was
definitely starting to show promise. "In fact, I should get Xander some
cookies. Look chocolate chip, they’re his favourite and there’s the added bonus
of chocolate!"
Spike caught the last part of the conversation that Anya had actually been
having with herself. The plan sounded good though and his gaze fell on the
brightly wrapped cookies of the small market stall they’d stopped in front of.
"Hi, are these choc-chip? I want something that will make my boyfriend
REALLY happy," Anya stressed and the hippy storekeeper’s smile widened as
he winked at the ex-demon, pushing forward some cookies.
"These will definitely make him smile," he said, nodding his head as
he spoke. "They're special and good quality...if you know what I mean."
"Special?" Anya picked up the cellophane wrapped cookies; they were
slightly larger than the others and were packed with choc-chips. Unfortunately,
the chocolate was the only ingredient she was concentrating on. "How many
packets have you got?"
"Uh? You'll only need one pack to get the...er...desired affect," the
shopkeeper offered only to be shot down by a withering scowl. "Umm, well
I've got 10 packs left, but lady, you don't need that many. Trust me."
"We'll take them," said Spike, whipping out his wallet and the
shopkeeper looked at them both like they were crazy.
"You two must be planning a party," he muttered as he dropped the
cookies into a large paper bag and handed it over. As they started to walk off,
Anya pulled out a packet and opened it up, tasting one of the cookies.
"These are a bit dry," she stated, wrinkling up her nose as she bit
off another piece and continued her monologue about sex and food, not really
caring if Spike listened or not. Within moments, she had eaten the whole cookie
and consumed another two in quick procession. "You know, these are really
nice - have one."
She held out the open pack to Spike, who dubiously picked one up and chewed on
it. She was right; although slightly dry, they were quite nice and very, very
addictive. So much so that the entire packet was eaten within five minutes.
"You ate them all!" accused Anya.
"I bloody well did not, " Spike huffed. “It was you!”
"There were at least fifteen in that packet and I know I didn't have more
than ten!" Anya poked him in the chest.
"Ten? TEN? That's over half," Spike shook his head and tried to brush
away the finger that was still angrily poking at his chest, for some reason it
evaded him and he couldn’t even grab it. "Will you get off?"
Anya reached into the paper bag, grabbed another packet of the cookies and
poked her tongue out at Spike. "Well nyah! I'm going. You are just so
horrible. If this is how you treat girls, it's no wonder you don't get any
sex."
With that she turned on her heel and walked off.
< Bloody women. Bloody hormonal women. Bloody HORNY women. Horny… horny, I’m
horny. I’m horny and I have cookies, choc-chip at that and Willow is not very
far away. >
"Willow," Spike sung with a small giggle as he pulled out another
packet of cookies and started to walk towards the college. By the time he reached her room, he had one
packet left - a gift for his precious Willow. Knocking lightly, he received no
answer and opened the door to find Willow sitting at her desk, studying
intently, bopping away to her headphones.
"Hello, love. Miss me?" Spike asked, loud enough to make the redhead
start and pull away her headphones. He
looked almost comical with only his head, arm and shoulder poking through the
door, his head was tilted and a soppy grin tainted his lips. Willow couldn't
resist smiling at him, but suddenly a frown replaced her smile.
"Spike, what are you doing here?" she jumped up and pulled him into
the room, he bounced slightly on the balls of his feet. "You shouldn't be
on campus, you know it’s dangerous what with the Initiative and I told you I
wanted to study tonight. You shouldn't have come."
Spike pouted and held out the cookies. "Brought you a pressie, love."
Her frown dissolved into another bashful smile as she took the cookies from him
and glanced down at the brightly coloured packet, lost in the thrill that he
had bought her something. Then she heard a thud and looked back up, only to see
Spike sprawled across her bed, bouncing up and down.
"No," she knew immediately what he was thinking and no matter how
tempting the idea of having sex was, she had to study.
"But, Red," he whined, looking up at her, waggling his eyebrows and
smirking. "I've cum to see you."
His head fell back against her pillows and giggled at his own pathetic joke.
Willow baulked momentarily, she had never heard Spike giggle. Over the last few
nights she had heard him laugh, but this was a definite giggle and he waved at
her from the bed.
"Go do the books thing, then we can play," Spike said dropping his
waving hand back onto his chest and running it along the material of his shirt.
Willow shook her head, thankful that Buffy and Riley had a date tonight. It was
dangerous for Spike to be on campus, especially in her room, but she liked the
idea of him being there and his suggestion of playing later was more than
appealing.
"You can stay...but no distracting me!" she turned back to her desk,
opening the cookies so she could have one while she studied. Of course everyone
knows that choc-chip cookies at the best of times are addictive, you can never
stop at one, these cookies were even more so and within half an hour Willow had
eaten the lot. Spike, during that whole time, had been humming a tune that
Willow couldn't place and now, as she finished off the last cookie she turned
to him. "I thought you weren't going to be a distraction?"
"Nah, you said no distracting - I didn't agree to it," Spike stated
from the bed. He was horny and had decided some ten minutes earlier that if
Willow was going to keep studying something other than his gorgeous self then
he would just have to take advantage of himself. His hands had delved beneath
the material of his shirt to rub over his chest and stomach, fingers pinching
his nipples, making them rock hard and sore. Sighing, he thought that Willow
did it so much better not even aware that she was watching him through hooded
eyes and she giggled.
"Watcha doin'?" she pushed herself off her chair and walked to the
end of her bed, her hand reaching out to annoy his booted foot.
"Taking advantage of myself 'cause you won't," he flicked her hand
away with his boot, grinning like a maniac as she stumbled over to her
wardrobe, pulling the door open wide and leaning against the frame, trying to
pick out something to wear. Spike
watched, fascinated, as she started to slowly strip, for some reason he seemed
stuck to the bed and he could only watch as all of that glorious flesh was
exposed. Unfortunately, just as quickly
as she stripped she’d dressed again, pulling on his old leather pants from LA
and a tight burgundy long sleeve shirt.
"You should stay
naked," protested Spike from the bed as he finally managed to swing his
legs off the bed and sat up to face her. "You know, I want to tie you up
and never let you go."
Willow straightened from pulling on her boots. "Really?"
He nodded, his eyes closed.
"That's so sweet!"
"Nah, it's evil."
"Okay, yeah, but...but...but it's sweet in a homicidal maniac, blood
thirsty demon demolition way."
Spike considered it for a moment and groaned. "It is, isn't it?"
Willow giggled and held out her hand. "Come on, let's go 'fore Buffy comes
back and stakes your lily white ass."
"Where we going?" Spike took her hand as she led them out of the
dorm.
"Don't know," Willow giggled.
Neither of them noticed how wobbly they walked, nor how the walls suddenly had
an urge to run into them, causing Spike to curse loudly and chastise the unruly
behaviour of walls these days. Once free of the confines of the dorm, they
found themselves in the square in front of the library. It was a pretty little
square with benches and a small water fountain, which Spike jumped up onto the
edge of, pretending to walk a tight rope. Willow cheered and applauded as he
took his bow.
"Sing a song, sing a song," she demanded. Spike thought for a moment,
musing over a centuries worth of drunken songs, before offering her his hand
and hauling her up onto the edge of the fountain with him, both of them
giggling madly.
"A song…milady wants a song," he dropped his voice and edged in
closer to her, resting his forehead against hers, causing her to giggle again.
"Ever heard of the Carnal Carnival?"
Willow shook her head, her eyes wide with wonder. "Tell me."
Smiling, he pulled his head back and held on to both her hands, spreading them
wide so he could appreciatively look her over. His gaze travelled slowly over
her body, taking in every detail and leaving her burning. Slowly, softly, he
started to sing.
The carnal carnival is in town, I think I'm going down and we will. The sexual festival's such a thrill, it
makes me just want to kill kill kill kill kill kill…” he stopped and looked at
Willow who had pouted at the last part.
He shrugged and grinned sheepishly. "Sorry!"
Dropping down on his knees in front of her, he grasped her hips, reverently
running his hands over the smooth lines of her leather covered ass and burying
his head between her thighs to continue singing.
”I love the perfume round your hips, the way you flirtify your lips, I hear the
zipper unzip. Feel the flesh start to
rip rip rip rip rip rip rip friggin' rip…”
Willow leant back, her hands buried in his hair as she felt his lips on her
thighs, his voice muffled by the leather, making her flesh tremble. She moaned
softly and then screeched as she felt herself falling. Spike caught her hand,
stopping her from doing any serious damage, but she still managed to fall off
the fountain. She let go of his hand and sat down, spreading her long legs in
front of her while leaning back on her elbows.
"Keep singing!!" she giggled at him. Spike shook his head and started
to dance about on the fountains edge, doing a lewd striptease for her as he
continued to loudly sing the song.
”You've got to stand up and be counted, or lie down and be mounted. You've got
no choice, you've got to use your voice, ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya…” he eased the
leather duster off his shoulders and spun it around his head a few times before
tossing it to Willow, who clapped and cheered him on. Encouraged, he cranked up
the volume a few decibels, his voice bouncing of the walls and reverberating
about the little square. A few of the students who were leaving the library
kept their distance, but watched in amusement as he continued. “Fornicators freaks and sodomites, transsexuals
and transvestites. Homo, hetero or confused, bisexual, used and abused. The perverse litany is here, sadomasochistic
bondage gear. Sex is sin, sin is fun, come one, come all, in the end just CUM!”
"What is that?" Buffy asked, twisting her head but not loosing Riley,
whose face was buried in her neck, his mouth happily sucking and licking at the
delicate column.
"What's what?" he muttered, unable to hear anything but his own blood
screaming through his body as it rushed south to add fuel to the already
painful erection he had. He just loved helping Buffy study.
"Someone is singing," Buffy twisted a little more, craning to glance
out the window. Of course, she saw Spike and her eyes widened as she pushed
Riley away, jumping up. She shook her head and blinked a few times, but there
was no doubt that it was Spike down in the square, singing like some Billy Idol
wannabe. Behind her, Riley moved, and she spun about to face him. "Um...I
forgot a...book," she glanced back out at the square, horrified to see
Spike lifting his shirt. "You stay here and I'll be right back."
She walked as quickly as possible until she was out of Riley’s sight, then she
ran. All the time she could hear Spike continue his song.
”You've got to move into the center, or just break and enter. We wanna reach
your mind,
but through your behind. The panic of
seduction, the act of reproduction, now you're back in the sack you must
describe your function. The shaggin'
wagon, sin bin, hip hop knock shop, your piston's greased, you need release,
not just another pit-stop. Big breasts,
sunken chest, are you better than the rest?
What's your measurement, baby can we make a tent? How much have you
spent, is your arse up for rent? Are you blonde or brunette or is it ginger
ginger? Have you been experienced or
are you a beginner? You're salivating
now coz you're up against the wall, the pitcher's on the mound so grab the bat
and let's play ball, let's play ball, let's play ball, let's play ball!”
Buffy rounded the corner, ready to confront the vampire, when his black t-shirt
was suddenly flung in her face. Pulling it away, she stared in horror. Spike
was half naked happily singing to...Willow? Buffy couldn't help but stare, she
had no idea what was going on.
”You've got to be loud and be proud now or lie nude in the crowd now. I want your touch, let's get down and ya ya
ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya. You've got to...”
"STOP!!!" screamed Buffy just as Spike was about to undo the fly of
his jeans. Both Spike and Willow glanced over at the Slayer, startled and a
little annoyed at the interruption.
"Slayer," screamed Spike while Willow waved at her.
Buffy stomped over and threw the
t-shirt at him. "Get down and get
dressed now!"
"Look at Spike's chest, Buffy, isn't it cute?" Willow staggered to
her feet, pulling Spike's duster about her. She glanced at Spike's still naked
chest and then back to her friend. "Actually no, don't look - you don't
deserve to see. You can't have him."
"It's alright, love. I don't want her." Spike giggled as he tried to
put his shirt back on, still humming the tune he’d been singing.
"Oh please! I wouldn't want you either, Spike. Can you just get over
yourself for a moment here?"
"You don't know what you are missing, Buffy," Willow reached out,
running her hand across his abdomen and down over his crotch.
"Willow!" Buffy slapped her hand away and grabbed her arm. "What
is wrong with you? You're acting like you're...oh god, have you been
drinking?"
"No, I was studying," Willow squirmed out of Buffy's grasp. "You
know books and things."
"Then how did you end up here with Spike?" Buffy demanded. The only response she got was Willow
giggling as Spike ended up sending his t-shirt flying through the air like a
rubber band.
"Will you get dressed!" snapped Buffy and Spike pulled a face at her.
"Ewwww, Slayer’s got her knickers in a knot," he reached out and
groped her, eliciting another giggle from Willow. Buffy was shocked, he had
just stuck his fingers between her legs and rubbed the satin of her knickers,
she was just too shocked to even react. "She's been playing, she's all
wet."
"You...how dare...I..." Buffy stuttered.
"Come on, Slayer, spit it out," he leered at her. "Or do you
swallow?"
That was it, Buffy punched him, sending him flying and he landed flat on his
back amongst a fit of giggles.
"Buffy!" screeched Willow, frowning at her friend and stamping her
foot while balling her hands into fists. "That was just so...mean!"
"What has gotten into you two?" Buffy asked as she watched Willow
zigzagged her way over to Spike, pulling on his hand to help him stand up.
"Nothing…yet," suggested Spike, pulling Willow up flush against him.
He was just about to kiss her when Buffy pulled them apart.
"That's it," she stepped between them. "You, put your clothes
back on now! And you," she turned to a pouting Willow. "Just, oh, I
don't know, just don't touch him! I’m taking you two to Giles..." she
watched as Spike still struggled with his shirt. “Once the rock star here gets his clothes back on.”
Buffy stood with her arms folded, stewing as Spike giggled and fought valiantly
to get his t-shirt back on. Some five minutes later, he was able to conquer it.
"Let's go," Buffy stated, heading towards Giles and pushing Spike in
front of her.
"I can't," sobbed Willow and Spike swung around, about to go back to
her, but Buffy caught the scruff of his t-shirt.
"Why not?" asked Buffy through gritted teeth, she didn't know what
was going on but she was already thoroughly sick of it.
"My feet are stuck, they're too heavy and I can't walk," she wailed
mournfully. Buffy let out an exasperated sigh and looked at Spike, who was
still fighting the hold she had on his t-shirt, she let him go and he went
straight to Willow, calming her with a cuddle.
"It's alright, Red. How about a piggy back ride?"
"You're too heavy for me," Willow giggled at him and then squealed as
he spun around and picked her up. She was soon on his back, her arms wrapped
around his neck, her legs about his waist while his hands were massaging her
ass under the cover of the duster, safe from the suspiscious eyes of the
Slayer. Sighing, Willow rested her head on his shoulder. "Sing a song,
Spike."
"No, no more songs!" stated Buffy trying to hurry them along. It was another twenty minutes later, after a
terse and trying trip, before Buffy pushed them into Giles' living room.
"What on earth? Have they been drinking?" asked Giles as he watched
Spike spin them round the room, Willow squealing from his back.
"I have no idea. Short version - I was in the library studying and I heard
Spike singing."
"Singing?"
"Singi..." she was cut off as Spike started to do exactly that.
"ENOUGH!"
Spike stopped singing and pouted, letting a giggling Willow slowly slide down
his back.
"You’re no fun, Buffy," Willow muttered, resting her head on Spike's
chest. "She’s a fun spoiler."
Giles stepped closer to the two clearly inebriated individuals and took a deep
breath. There was no smell of alcohol, but he did catch a sweet aroma on
Willow's breath. "What have you two been doing?"
"Nothing, studying." Willow answered as she plopped down on the couch
and Spike moved away, starting to walk in circles.
"Did you have anything to eat?" quieried Giles.
"No, did you see the pasta they had for dinner? EW! I wasn't going to touch that," Willow rolled her head
back and thought for a moment. "But I'm hungry now. Spike, do you have anymore of those
cookies?"
"Nah, Anya ate em," Spike said as he swayed on his feet.
"Cookies!" Giles exclaimed turning to Buffy. "Call Xander, see
if Anya's alright."
Buffy dialled the number and was soon speaking to Xander.
"No...no...I don't know how long it will last...is she breathing? Does she
have a pulse? Yeah, well then, she isn't dead...What? No whatever you do don't
eat the cookies...well they've been spiked with something obviously..."
Buffy shook her head as she listened to Xander.
Spike swung his head around and looked at Buffy, puffing out his chest as he
pointed a finger at her. "I'll have you bloody well know that I did not
touch those cookies."
"You only ate them," giggled Willow from her sprawled position on the
couch.
"I can think of something I'd much rather be eating," Spike smirked
and started to stalk towards Willow's giggling form. Buffy threw the phone at
Giles and lunged at Spike, once again catching him by the scruff of his shirt.
"Oh no you don't!" she pulled him back as Willow sat up and pouted.
"But I want to be spiked," she giggled. "Spike can spike
me!"
Spike cocked an eyebrow. "Love, I'd spike you anytime."
"Oh please," said Buffy, totally disgusted. "When you two sober
up you won't go near each other. Willow he’s a vampire - you know
evil-dead-bad-thing. Trust me, you don't want him."
"Well you...just because you screw a vamp and we get big bad ass
vamp...won't happen to me, he's already bad, just not bitey. You know, Buffy,
you’re just plain selfish at times. Just 'cause you're miserable doesn't mean
everyone else has to be. He's not Angel and I'm not you, so don't you dare tell
me what I can and cannot do," she stood still for a moment, taking a deep
breath. "Or who I can or cannot do."
"That's it. Giles, you are on your own, I’m not hanging around to be
insulted," Buffy insisted, dropping her hold on Spike, who promptly fell
to the floor and leaving, slamming the door behind her. Spike stood up, swaying
unsteadily, and clapped.
"Well done, Willow. Didn't she do well, Watcher?" he grinned.
"You told her what for. Stupid bloody slut, she'll get strangled by her
own halo one day."
Willow giggled. "So do I get a reward? Are you going to stake me
now?"
Spike grinned and opened his arms in invitation. Willow launched herself at
him, knocking them both to the floor, but only Willow came back up.
"Oh God, NO!" she screamed, sitting astride Spike's prostrated form.
She cupped her face as she stared down at him. "I've killed Spike!"
Giles sighed and closed his eyes, counting to ten to try and calm his frayed
nerves. Willow hiccuped loudly before
bursting into tears and threw herself onto Spike's chest.
"I'm so sorry!" she
hiccuped again, gulping back the scalding tears. "There's no heart beat -
I gave him a heart attack. Oh god, I killed Spike. Spike, Spike, SPIKE!"
She sat back up and grabbed his t-shirt, wildly shaking him, trying to revive
him, all the time continuing to scream hysterically.
"Willow...Willow...WILLOW!" Giles shouted to break through the girl’s
hysterical sobbing.
"Not now, Giles, I've killed Spike!" she spat at him.
"He's already dead, Willow! He's merely passed out from whatever was in
those cookies."
Willow looked at Giles and hiccupped, her tears stopping and her mouth gaped
open. "Oh, so he's not dead?"
Giles shook his head and Willow
slowly turned her attention back to the passed out vampire. Smiling
lasciviously, she began to rub her groin against his crotch. "Spike, wake
up and play."
Giles groaned at the singsong voice and the movement, which was getting more
erratic.
"Dear God, will you stop that, Willow," he dragged her writhing form
off Spike and held her up by her arm.
Willow pouted and twisted in his grasp, her free hand reaching out for Spike.
"But, but, Giles, I want to play!"
"Come on, Willow. You're going to sleep it off," he dragged her up
the stairs and into his bedroom, pulling the door shut before she could escape.
A loud bang erupted from the other side as Willow's boot collided with the
door.
"I hate you - you ruin all my fun," she screamed, sounding very much
like an over tired child.
"Go to sleep, Willow," Giles called through the door before turning
to go back down stairs. Just as he reached the bottom of the stairs, Spike
began to groan.
"Willow?" he murmured.
"She's upstairs asleep, go back to sleep."
"Upstairs? In bed?"
"No, she's in the bath. Of course she's in bed."
"Oh..." he giggled, what had he said to her in the library? They
needed to get naked in a bed together. "Is she naked?"
"Oh, for heavens sake, go to sleep Spike!"
"Okay," Spike rolled over onto his side, making himself comfortable
as Giles stepped over him and moved back to the table and his beloved books. So
involved was Giles that he didn't notice the whacked out vampire sneak up the
stairs.
Giles lifted his head and frowned, he could have sworn he heard Willow moaning.
Twisting around in his chair, he glanced to the spot where he had last seen
Spike sprawled, only it was empty. As he looked toward the stairs, another low
moan floated down and he reluctantly stood up, slowly making his way over to
the staircase. Pausing halfway up the stairs, his stomach tightened and
lurched, the sounds of sex echoed around the stairwell, flesh slapping against
flesh, gasping breath, moans both male and female.
Giles hesitated, he knew exactly
what was going on but he didn't know what to do. He could barge in and try to
pull them apart, not a particularly appealing idea, or he could just turn a
blind eye to what was happening. His feet felt like lead as he continued to
climb the stairs and moved to stand in the open doorway, giving him a clear
view of the bed and the couple on it.
Pale skin melded together, red and blond hair, two bodies moving in perfect unison. Giles, always clinical in his observations, was struck by an odd thought of the two lovers before him - this was not their first time together. Their rhythms and movements were perfectly matched, each lover knew the other’s body well. Giles was startled out of his observations by Willow clutching at Spike, her back arching, her head rolling back, exposing her neck and crying out his name as she came. Giles shook his head and turned, quickly going back down stairs. He was certain of two things, he was never ever going to speak of what he had seen tonight and tomorrow he was going to buy a new bed.
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