| About two weeks after the HepB diagnosis Master told me he had a terminal illness and that was why he was having a hard time leaving his wife. He felt he owed her something. I asked what that illness was and he finally told me he had HIV. I will remember this day as if it was today. Riding in the car with him and him telling me this. My whole body rushed out just like you see in a movie where everything zooms in on you. I was crying and quite hysterical. I told him he lied to me and he said no I didn't you asked me if I had AIDS and no one has ever said I have AIDS... they say I have HIV and that doesn't mean I have AIDS. He told me he loved me and that was important. Then he brought me to a hotel room and Dommed me. I cried the whole time but I just couldn't hate him. I justified it by saying that if I had HIV he would not leave me. He promised I could take care of him and that he would take care of me. After we left and I was alone in my car I called my husband on the car phone. I was still hysterical I told him what Jack had told me. He is a very caring person and although he knew I was seeing Jack he still allowed me to stay because he was hoping it was just a phase I was going through.
The next day I called the health department. I was so upset they had a doctor come to my home to talk to me. He got me tested the next day. I had to wait a week of hell to find out if I was positive. Even if I showed negative there would be no guarantee because you can test neg. up to six months after your last sexual constant. The people at the health department didn't think I could handle the diagnosis either way and decided the only way I was to know is if my medical doctor told me. I could hardly get out of bed I was so upset. I had to tell my oldest what was happening. A week to the day... March 14, 1995 my doctor called and said she had an emergency at the hospital and could I meet her in the emergency room. My husband and I went. They finally called me in. She wasted no time and said we had some bad news from the health department. You are HIV+. As she told me my therapist walked in and so did a nurse with a shot. I was on the floor at this time. I was put on a stretcher and remember crying and telling a nurse I was only lonely. I didn't mean for all this to happen and I don't want to die. The nurse gave me another shot with tears coming down her face. I will never forget that. I was brought to another hospital by ambulance and put in a mental ward. I was on a suicide watch as I didn't want to live knowing this. The next three weeks were pretty much a blur. I do know that my family was overwrought and so was I just knowing that I brought this on to them. Where was Master through this all... well we talked on the phone. He reassured me that he would be there for me and that I was a good sub and he loved me. He wouldn't come see me because he knew my family wanted to kill him and I think if they had their chance they would of. I was transferred to another hospital where he did come see me once. Everyone including my doctors couldn't understand why I had no anger toward this man. They don't understand the power that a Top has over a sub. I think this was the hardest thing for my family to deal with. Why no anger? People who didn't even know me before all this couldn't understand this. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well I got out of the hospital and soon I was seeing Jack regularly again. Yes he told his wife and even left her for awhile but he started to become sick. He gave me numbers of people to call and even brought me to the AIDS center where he went. His wife was a nurse he said and knew how to care for him. He went back to his wife and I went back to the hospital by force.You see when he went back to her he told me he loved me but that he didn't have to much time left. That if we were together and he died he didn't think my family would take me back. He promised to take care of my children financially as he did from the beginning. Continue |