| We talked on the phone and he told me that I had to learn a lot about D/s. I have always been pretty stubborn and asked to be released. Through the months I learned then trudged along through cyber/phone Master after Master. I had so many tears I couldn't tell you. All these over some people I had never met. I met people through chat but only as friends. I continued to loose weight and felt very wanted and desired by these cyber Masters even though I hadn't met them. I fought with other subs over Masters as Vampy can well attest to. I also judged people I had no right to judge. I also became very addicted to Chat. I was letting my house go. My bills and credit were being ruined. I had five accounts and bills in the hundreds. I also was not getting any sleep. My husband would come home to me at the computer, go to sleep with me at the computer and wake up with me at the computer. I didn't cook very much and it was all I could do to get my kids ready for school. I justified my actions by saying I have been doing for everyone for years and now it is my time to do for me. I blamed my lack of caring for my husband on him. I would tell him things like "well I warned you for years that if you didn't make me feel like a woman I would cross the line and it would be too late." I started to go out to bars with friends. I was looking good. I started taking to good care of myself getting my nails done, having my hair done and buying new clothes. I was feeling for the first time in 13 years wanted and desired as a woman. I would wait on Chat for hours at a time just for my Master at the time to come on. Even if it was for just a few minutes. Coming on to Chat was the highlight of my life. My heart would actually race as the modem kicked in and I couldn't wait to enter the room.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In September I decided to put my opinions where my mouth was and to have a real session with a Dom. I met him and had a wonderful and SAFE totally S&M Session. He did not want to collar me because he felt he couldn't put into a Master sub relationship what he felt was needed for a bond. I was heartbroken feeling that I didn't please him. Now I totally understand where he was coming from. But I thought at least I tried it real-time and I liked it. After that I was approached by a Master who said that he was in the scene for over 20 years and was looking for a sub and knew I wasn't collared. We were not that far away from each other. He lived and worked about 45 minutes away from me. We eventually met and had a session. It was also safe. He wanted to collar me but I had hopes of being collared by the first Dom that sessioned me. This new Master doted on me he was firm and really seemed to know what he was doing. He would take me to dinner and go places with me. In the beginning couple of weeks things were purely straight and safe S&M. There is a lot more to this but I can not get into it at this time. It is just to painful. After a couple of weeks of seeing him and talking to him both on the phone and the computer I agreed to be collared. From there on things got sexual and not safe. I didn't question him after all he was the Master although when first meeting him he told me he was married and when asked told me he didn't have AIDs or any sexually transmitted disease. He did tell me that he had had Hepatitis B but that he was not catchy. I didn't question him after all he was the Master. I never would question a Master. Peter {Lord Laurant can attest to my seriousness in S&M. I did not stop calling him or any Master Sir until a year ago. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Continue |