If you ever went to this website, you probably got a good laugh, especially if you've ever actually BEEN to the farm in question! This site (which thankfully is gone now) had me torn between fuming furiously and laughing my ass off. The owner of the farm, my boss, actually told me that for some of it he went to other websites and copied down stuff that looked good..... including what he put down about me! I actually go speechless when I try to formulate any sort of rational reaction. I honestly can't believe the crap he put on his "official" site. Hell, I want MY horses to go to this place....wherever it is! My own horses, while living at this very farm, weren't getting nearly the care he claimed these "retirees" would be getting!
I finally managed to send him an email, to which he never bothered to respond. Go figure. This is a copy of what I sent him, and this doesn't even cover some of the stupid, piddly things he had on the site that weren't worth arguing over.
Any of the notes in blue, I've added here on my wonderfully open-minded, non-opinionated site and didn't get sent to the @$$hole... I figured I'd try to be a *little* diplomatic.... <sigh> After all, I did still work for him at the time.
Hi _____(insert name of your favorite asshole or village idiot)
I have gone to your website and looked at it. There are many issues that we need to
discuss. This is a wonderful picture you're painting for your farm, and I do truly
believe that in time you will be able to get it to this point, but right now this website
is a far cry from being correct. You are really risking serious charges of false advertising
if you leave this website the way it is right now, even if you don't actively advertise it.
Anyone who can do a web search can stumble across it by accident, and if they come here
looking for what you have on your site, we can be in serious trouble. At the very least, the
word will quickly spread through the area, and we will be the laughing stock of the local
equestrian community. People talk.
Okay....I have gone through the site page by page and these are the things that need to be
altered if you want anyone to take us seriously right now. I don't want you to be offended
by these. This is meant as helpful criticism. If people come out here with high expectations,
based on your website, expectations that we can't possibly live up to at this time, they
will go away disgusted and disappointed. I don't want that to happen, because we won't
likely get a second chance to impress them later on. It is much better to admit right up
front that we're under construction, we're working on it, and we hope to have these things
in the near future.
We'll start right off with.....
"meticulously maintained pastures" (<snort> Yeah...right. Doesn't this bring to mind images
of golf courses, or nice in-town places like Squire Glenn? Not rambling acres of overgrown
wilderness covered with briars and burrs and fallen trees lying on the fences which are tied
up with bailing twine. <snort>"meticulously maintained pastures" ....)
Where? Yes, we will have such pastures, hopefully within the next year, but right now we
have no grass of any quality. We have weeds, and much of it is even toxic, like all the
pretty little yellow buttercups that overflow our fields every sunmmer. And all that clover
that's out there? That's actually a bad thing. Too much clover, not enough grass. Even with
pasture rotation, the fields all need to be reseeded. The fences are being repaired, but it
will be well into next year before all of them are fixed. Right now we still have entire
sections where the only thing keeping the horses inside are the briars, and until we have
fully conquered the burrs, and the horses no longer come in looking like they do, we cannot
claim that we have "meticulously maintained pastures". There are still areas where entire
chunks of wadded up barbed wire or other old wire fencing is imbedded in the ground, half
covered by weeds. It will take time to systematically clean these from our pastures. As long
as these are still out there, we can't claim we have "meticulously maintained pastures".
Yes, it is a goal, but we do not have them now.
I'm glad you told me that you knew your information about me was incorrect, because hoooo-boy,
is it ever! "The equine manager, Terri Delong , has twenty years of experience working with and
training horses. She has worked on several Arabian and Quarter horse farms in Ohio, as well as
training and showing jumpers." First of all.... how difficult is it to get my name spelled right?? This
next paragraph has been corrected and you may use it. (I've been complaining since July that
my paycheck is still misspelled! There are some places who will refuse to cash it for me,
since my name on my ID doesn't match! This is December and they still haven't fixed it!)
The equine manager, Teri DeLong, has 32 years of experience working with horses. Her
experience includes working as a stable-hand, groom and assistant trainer at several
central Ohio boarding facilities, Standardbred race barns, and Arabian show barns.
Her home is located on the property, which allows us to provide full-time care and security
for the horses that reside at Circle G Lazy K Ranch. (notice it doesn't say ANYTHING about
training and showing jumpers, seeing as how I have never shown horses and I have never
jumped a horse in my life!)
"We are also offering riding lessons and horse training. "
We are? And who will be giving these lessons and training horses? Are you planning on hiring
an accredited trainer? That will be awesome! I like that idea alot! But until you actually
*have* this trainer, you can't offer this. I have some experience, but I am not accredited,
and while Sherri is going to school for teacher/trainer, she is years away from being
accredited as well. We are only within our rights to help out our friends, or give pointers
to children who don't know how to ride, but we can't offer official "lessons" or training,
or take any kind of payment for them.
"Horses will be available for lease in the upcoming future"
This is a frightening thought, considering the horses that you currently own.... (let's see...Herbie has
a fused back and bucks like a bronc, Sunny rears and goes over backwards, Ellie is hopelessly lame,
KC is blind...) but at least you have had sense enough to say "in the future". (Thank GOD he's not
talking about renting horses to go trail riding out back! You know, he doesn't even have the legal
notices up that state "according to State law" that anyone riding their horses out here can't sue us if
they get themselves hurt. )
"12 X 12 Stalls"
Our stalls are not 12x12....they average 10x12, and some are much smaller than that. The
stalls in the little barn are exactly 10x12. The ones in the big barn range from 10x10 to
9x13. It's best to say 10x12, if you don't want to be totally honest and admit online that
they aren't uniform in size. People will see that immediately when they tour the place.
(He wants people to think we're some fantastic show barn, you know? But no amount of paint on
the outside will ever change the old thing from being what it is.....a 100-yr old modified
cowshed.)
"Toys are supplied in each stall to help reduce boredom"
We have no toys. Our horses do not stand inside long enough to need them. That's one of our
biggest selling points is that our horses have daily turnout all day long, not for short
periods of time like the bigger farms closer to town with less turnout space. And truthfully,
any toys should be supplied by the owner, not by the farm. That is your choice, I suppose.
We can put up toys if you'd like, but you shouldn't say that we have them, when we don't.
And since we do turnout all day long, boredom should not be the problem that it is in other
farms, and you'd really be better off stressing that fact rather than implying that toys
are needed.
"Front Room- sit before or after riding and relax. (Microwave and Refrigerator)"
Really? Sounds good....but we don't have any of that right now. It would be better to say
"coming soon" and make a big deal out of the improvements that are being made, and plans
for better things yet to come, than to say we have it when we don't. Change the website
later, when we actually do have these things. (Yeah, he threw away all the chairs and table
I had in there. They were too "ugly". So I removed my microwave. And the refridgerator never
worked and he finally hauled it away. Now we have a big empty room. I guess that makes our
"Sitting Room",.... most folks call that a "lounge" don't they?.....rank right up there
with our non-existant potties. At least he was smart enough NOT to say we have heated
mens/womens facilities!)
"Daily individual or group turnout (weather permitting) in paddocks or pasture" "Multiple
pasture areas for turnout; alone or with other horses" (OOOOOOOOOOOOHH GAWD! He is such
a freakin' moron!)
We do not have, have never had, and will not have individual turnout. We aren't set up for
it. We have a couple small paddocks which are acceptable for temporary turnout only, such
as an injured horse on limited exercise, or for acclimating new horses to the herd, or even
a mare and foal. We do not have enough space for indivdual daily turnout, or horses to be
kept separate from the herd indefinitely. If we use half of our space for "individual
turnout", we lose our ability to rotate pastures. You can't advertise this. It is totally
inacurate, and there is no way to change our setup. We have room for one stallion, or a
single horse turned out by itself, but it will always be a mud-lot with no ability to
support the horse. No grass. It would have to be fed large quantities of hay every day in
its paddock.
The only way we could have individual turnout for multiple horses is to subject these
horses to the cruelty of standing in their stalls all day long, waiting for their turn at
an hour or two of freedom in a small enclosure. We don't do this. Anyone who expects me to
do this to their horse has been turned away in the past, and I have no intention of starting
this practice now. This is the biggest reason I quit working with show barns and race barns.
This lifestyle is completely unnatural to a horse, unhealthy, and I can't condone it. This
is what sets us apart from other places. This is what puts us a step above the rest. We
offer a more natural lifestyle for a horse, freedom to wander through fields with a herd of
others. If you take that away from us, we have nothing, and I would really prefer not to
lower our standards.
"Blanketing or fly masks (both provided by owner) as needed or as requested by
owner (addt'l charge)"
This is fine, but there is no additional charge for this. "(addt'l charge)" should be
removed from the website. (I'll be &@%damned if I let him charge somebody extra for a
service that *I* perform. If he was coming out here every day and blanketing these horses
himself, THEN he'd have a right to charge them extra board. Can you see the steam coming
outa my ears at this?)
"Feed - Mostly of our horses are on a quality sweet feed, however, Feeding Schedules Are
Customized To each individual horses needs. "
If you mean feeding "amounts", you need to change this wording. "Schedules" are not changed
for individual horses. Amounts are tailored per horse, yes, but the horses are fed together
as a group, not at individual times. It is more stressful on the horses being fed at separate
times. To have some being fed at one time, while the rest are not is just not practical.
Horses are not capable of understanding that they will get fed later. They see some being
fed now, they will expect to be fed now also, or they will go berserk. You have more
infighting between horses, and much more damage to the barns if you have horses being fed
at separate times.
"Fencing- Fencing is monitored on a daily basis to ensure a safe environment. We use a three
board fence in the front of the property and a two line wire fence in the back of the
property" (<snort> He doesn't even friggin know what he's got on his property.)
It is a five wire fence. You should also state that it is a tension-wire fence so no one
thinks it is electric. If it was truly a two-wire fence it would have to be electric.
"RETIREMENT BOARD: $275.00 per month" (This is where I'm not sure if I'm screaming in rage,
or just in shock at his idiocy. But it does go right back to the, 'if he's coming out
everyday and doing the work, then he can charge extra'. Being diplomatic about this
actually *hurt*!)
This is a big one. Retirement board? Were you planning to tell me about this? Are you hiring
someone to take care of these retirees? Retirees, (as you obviously know, since you have it
actually posted on your website) take more care than simply boarding a horse. This means
that besides the daily care, feeding and turnout that are regular full-board services, this
would require someone to do daily grooming and excercise. While it's a nice idea, take a
look at OUR horses....yours and mine. I don't have time to properly take care of them with
the daily grooming they need and deserve, and you want to add more to my duties? Without
asking me first if it's possible or practical?
I'm sorry, but I must admit I seriously have an issue with you charging these people more
for board, if I'm the one expected to do the extra work, unless you were planning on paying
me the extra money per month for caring for someone's retired horse. This is definitely
something you should have discussed with me before you posted it.
"Feedings - We have a 'stock' retirement feed that we feel is the best for this type of
horse. we will gladly feed to any schedule you want. Various treats are given to the horses
(Carrots, apples, sugar cubes,ir peppermint) If teeth problems develop, we are happy to
soak the food so it is easier to chew. Salt blocks provided" (Salt blocks? We have salt
blocks??)
Okay, you need a better way to word this. We use a basic 10% sweet feed for all our horses.
That is good for all horses. Period. If you really want to go with a "retirement" feed,
there are only a few to choose from, and that would be something like Equine Senior, or
Tizz Whiz. Not all people approve of pelleted feeds like these, no matter what age the
horse is, so this should be offered AS AN OPTION. As a horse owner and boarder of many many
years, I can tell you that having a farm tell me what they "feel is the best for this type
of horse"....MY horse..... would only piss me off. You should offer senior feeds on request.
"Daily Turnout - Weather permitting our retirees live together in a small, friendly herd
in the appx. 10 acre grass pasture with easy access to the barn. when inclement weather
hits, the horses are generally moved to the smaller paddocks or stabled for the night."
Here we go again. What website did you steal this off of? This is not our facility. We do
not have individual turnout, not even for a small herd of retirees. They would have to be
a part of the whole herd. Having two separate herds out here would remove our ability to
rotate pastures.
"Daily fly spraying during peak bug season. "
Good idea....your horses deserve this as well. Does this mean I can expect you to start
supplying fly spray? Just curious. There are a lot of things that we should have as a
stable that I knew better than to ask your dad for. Now that the farm has basically changed
hands, I'm not exactly sure where the new lines should be drawn. Fly spray would be a
wonderful stable supply to be added to the list of necessities like hay, grain, saltblocks,
and sawdust. We also should have a well stocked medicine cabinet. In the past I've tried to
supply these things out of my pocket, but I really can't do that anymore, since I no longer
have Pat's larger income.
"Four H and many young peoples organizations tour our facilities to learn about nature."
(HAH!! Sure they do.)
Again, this is a great idea, and a very probable aspect in the future. You should state this
as a hope, and not as if it is already happening on a regular basis.
I'm sorry if any of this offends you, but these things really do need immediate attention.
As soon as you published this website, it was recognizable by search engines, and anyone
can find it even though you aren't advertising it yet.
I also advised him to seriously correct the spelling and grammar problems, the formatting sucked with various sizes and fonts of text making the whole thing look sloppy and unprofessional.
There were stupid little things too, that I harumphed at. Here are some more of my initial reactional rants::
Feed tubs are scrubbed and sanitized regularly
Huh...really? with what sort of sanitizer? I'm sure that should be supplied by the farm, and not come out of my pocket, so I guess it's my invisible self-sanitizing brush that I use.
Buckets are dumped and scrubbed daily. Troughs drained and cleaned twice weekly
Okay...the buckets are dumped daily, just cuz our water out here is so disgusting it turns black in the buckets and smells like rotten eggs overnight, but the troughs? You mean the big ugly plastic things the horses won't go near? Yeah...okay. Twice weekly, hmm....yeah. Sure.
Stalls are thoroughly cleaned and bedded seven days per week, at least once per day, Stalls are stripped
weekly and limed before rebedded
Sure. Since he manages to get me sawdust maybe twice a month, and I'm usually totally OUT of it for at least a week before he gets me more. Sure. Sounds great. And I like how I'm not allowed to take even one day off a week from stall-cleaning. Hell, even the biggest farms I've worked for, who had a bazillion stall-cleaners, cleaned stalls 6 days a week, allowing their stall-cleaners a day off. And I've given up trying to explain to him that if the stalls are cleaned correctly, they don't NEED to be stripped, and I lime them everyday when I strip out the wetspot. He can't be told anything though....he's seen it on a website, therefore it must be the best way to do it.
Horses- Checked frequently throughout the day and are handled on a daily basis.
Their social and physical environment is closely monitored
Really? We do? I thought I turned them out and let them roam 120 acres like free, wild things. For at least the past 20 years (long before I arrived as manager) the horses themselves have chosen when they want to start staying outside at night, and if they don't come up for breakfast I go looking for them....that's "checked frequently throughout the day", isn't it? Gee, if I'm tracking down horses all day long, when do I clean stalls, or mow, or brushhog, or build fence? Oh wait, I DON'T build fence. He hasn't bought me any fencing supplies for our "meticulously maintained pastures."
Oh...and my all time FAVORITE line of bullshit........
Owners Mayer and Steve (and of course Noah) are familiar faces around the ranch.
Yeah, all of once or twice a year for their family reunions/birthday parties. I thank God this is a lie. I'd have to kill them if it was the truth. Of course this past summer, they were out here fixing stuff up, tearing stuff down, throwing stuff away, and driving me nuts...hopefully next summer they stay the f*** away and let me do my job.
Whether fixing fences or bush-hogging fields we are there to make sure you experience is beyond
your expectation.
Yeah...*I* do this! I start fuming again, over all the use of "we" on the friggin website.
Whether you ride English or Western, our goal is to provide you and your horse with the best possible
experience.
<snort> Yeah, that's why he wanted to put up a sign he saw out west that he thought was SOOOOooo cute....he wanted to post a sign saying "no english spoken here", since his whole family are cowboy wannabes. I actully had to beat this notion out of him...it never occurred to him that this sign would offend anyone, or drive away potential boarders who ride english. Hell, it never occurred to him that we'd get english boarders out here, and he didn't take MY word for it, he actually asked his dad for confirmation on it, right in front of me, when I told him that we did! That was his biggest argument for not wanting to build an arena...."only english people ride in arenas". <growl> Every time he opens his friggin mouth he proves how stupid he is.
*thumps head on desk* How can I want to stay here, when I hate the man so bad? <sigh>
Enough ranting for one day. I need to go play with some ponies and remind myself why I *do* want to live here.
I do miss his ponies, though. They didn't deserve what he did to them.
So......enough ranting?
But I'm still pretty sure that the normal duties of "barn manager" do NOT include helping owner kill the barn cats.