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GUYS YOU NEED TO GET INTO This Issue: Matthew Porretta By Blanco |
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Indie
first brought Mr. Porretta to my attention.
She is a member of a crazy mad fan club on the web, and keeps
trying to get me to join them. I
have so far resisted, but my Porretta fixation is getting to an all time
high. He’s not exactly
the most prominent of actors, but I would like him to be.
Here’s why…. Career
to Date: Okay,
we got a couple of suck ass independent films (one of which is
definitely porn, although sadly, not porn involving Matthew, sigh[‘Kates
Addiction’, FYI. It’s
kind of lesbian porn with Matt’s girlfriend and this chick that kills
Matt. Matt’s in it for about 26 minutes before he dies.
Doh! Did I just spoil the end, sorry, middle? - Indie]),
‘Robin Hood: Men in Tights’ playing Will Scarlett O’Hara (we’re
from Georgia). He then went
on to play Robin Hood himself in the TV series ‘The New Adventures of
Robin Hood’. We swooned,
we cheered, we sighed. After
completing two heavenly seasons (heavenly despite stupid-ass plots and
wobbly sets), he quit and allowed the Dark Prince known as John Bradley
to take over. We mourned,
John Bradley did his evil mannic laugh (muaa-ha-ha-haaaaaa), stripped
off his shirt and Marion had her eye poked out by Robin’s newly
exposed nipples. Now we
know why she wears her hair swept over her face like that. [Side
note – at the time, we weren’t aware that Mathew was going to be
leaving Robin Hood. We
settled down in our respective living rooms to get our regular Saturday
Channel 5 fix of Matt, only to find out that he was no longer the Hooded
Man. She phoned me
instantly, I phoned her, we got engaged tones.
Obviously. She
called her sister, they screamed and wailed down the phoneat each other
over the injustice of it all, I kept getting the engaged signal.
Eventually I got through to her, frantic and screaming.
She’d calmed down by this point and laughed at me for ranting
“Bastards, Bastards,
Bastards!” for about two
hours. I guess you really
had to be there.] Anyway,
Matthew has also appeared in ‘Beverely Hills 90210’ (as Andrea
“Token Geek” Zuckerman’s boyfriend and tutor), ‘Wings’, some
commercials and a couple of episodes of ‘Code Name: Eternity’ (see
the Recap in TV You Probably Don’t
Watch). Matthew
also played Marius in ‘Les Miserables’ on Broadway, and starred in
Steven Sondenheims ‘Passion’ [Actually appearing on the
soundtrack album! Yes I do
have a copy. Leave me alone
- Indie.]. He
apparently left Robin Hood to go back to Broadway, but has done naff all
since as far as we can see. Hair: Quite
possibly the most gorgeous hair in Hollywood.
This guy must go through some serious conditioner.
In ‘The New Adventures of Robin Hood’, he had lovely long
brown locks that I would have killed for. Body: Hello,
salty goodness (tm Buffy the Vampire Slayer)!
Abs you could bounce pennies on, big strong arms that could snap
belts if flexed… Oh,
did I mention he’s bendy like he hasn’t got any ribs?
He can do all sorts of back flips and kicks and somersaults
and… stuff. Legendary
amongst his fans for the “Wall Walk”, you know, running up a wall
and then back flipping. I
could watch him doing that over and over again. Nice,
big twinkly brown eyes (one adjective is never enough) and a gorgeous
goatee (which he seriously needs to grow back, right now) make up for
one big chunk of a man, who totally needs to dump his gorgeous
girlfriend and go out with somebody much more wonderful, like, oooh, I
don’t know, me [Dude, I don’t think he’s gay, but I guess you
can dream like the rest of us! – Indie.] Voice: Very
sexy, and does accents very well. His
cockney villain makes me have to go and have a lie down. T Can
sing, can dance, can handle a sword.
Can run up walls and do back flips, ride a horsey, do accents,
shoot arrows, strip (well, he’s got the body for it, he could!
If her were so inclined). In
all, he’s a very talented young(ish) man, who should go far, if he can
find an agent to get him some decent work. For
More Information: Check
out the following wonderful sites! *** The
Doctor Doug Ross Scale of Lurveability: 9.5/10.
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| © Blanco | |
