REVIEW & RECAP: TV SHOWS YOU'LL NEVER WATCH

This Issue: Code Name: Eternity

By Indie

Note:  This is not a suggestion that you should watch it, merely a review for the sake of it.  And apologies for the overuse of sarcasm, I can’t help it, it’s just the way I am. 

Show: Code Name: Eternity. 

Premise:

Canadian show about this alien bloke who comes down to Earth to stop his alien archenemy from destroying Earth and find his brother.  Good alien’s hench (wo) men – blonde bimbo psychologist and Baldwin Geek.  Bad aliens henchman – blonde bimbo psycho robot guy with a nervous tic. 

Shown On:

Channel 4, on Sundays, at silly ‘o’ clock (can’t give you a specific time because they bugger it about every week.  Sometimes it’s twenty past two, other times its half past four). 

Episode: Death Trap. 

Starring:

Cameron Bancroft (aka Who? Number One).  Son of Anne (I’m guessing here, people); has been in some made for TV films I’m told but I’ve never seen any.  He plays the Good Alien called Ethaniel.

Ingrid Kavelaars (aka Who? Number Two).  Never heard of her, but she can’t act for fuck so we don’t really care.  Blonde Bimbo Psychologist called Laura.

Andrew Gillies (aka Who? Number Three): Plays the Big Bad Alien, Banning.

Joseph Baldwin.  A Baldwin, not sure if he’s a cousin or a brother, but he’s a Baldwin.  Those fuckers get everywhere.  Good Alien’s Techie Geek Side Kick called Byder.  Yes really. 

Guest Starring:

Matthew Porretta. (See Guys You Need To Get).  He’s the token Bad Guy of the episode.  Alien, dresses in black, and smirks a lot, therefore he is obviously evil. 

Recap of The Episode:

Teaser.  Some Random Nerd is creeping round a high tech looking building following a butch looking henchman.  He’s got a microphone and video communications link to Byder on Ethaniels boat. 

Butch Henchman crosses a museum-esque lobby, and Random Nerd follows.  BH uses a swipe card to open up a door, and strides through, and RN chucks a remote controlled car onto the floor, and skillfully steers it between the doors, jamming them open.  He celebrates in an epileptic fit kind of way, the makes his way into another lobby, where he cracks the key code in seconds. He’s in.  He’s “so good.” 

Byder warns him that the place must be riddled with security systems, but RN is cocky and confident.  “Building of the future.  Yeah right, my ass.”  Then a security alarm goes off.  RN: “Oops” (tm Lethal Weapon).  I laugh at the completely unexpected non-irony that has happened.  Who didn’t see that one coming? 

Byder yells at his friend, Lewis (Ah, Random Nerd has a name, but hell, he’s always going to be Random Nerd to me), and tells him to get the hell out of there.  RN runs about the building like a headless chicken, and then into, ruh-roh, a dead end.  A wall panel slides out behind him, trapping him.  The wall is actually a funky mirror.  RN walks up and admires his geekish reflection, when the rest of the walls pull back to reveal mirrors. 

A globe thing comes down from the ceiling, and RN asks Byder if he’s seeing this.  Byder yells “Lewis!” because he obviously didn’t understand the question.  Lewis begs Byder to help him, as the red Laser Sight of Doom targets RN’s head.  Hmmm, I’d like a tattoo in that design… 

Anyway, we hear one final scream from RN, then Byder’s screen goes all white noise.  So long RN, last we’ll being seeing of you!  Byder stares at his screen, looking really pissed off, but I’m guessing that’s Baldwin-esque for upset.  Who knows? 

Credits.  Pretty colours go psychedelic all over the place as a sort of techno music plays, and the actors pose artfully for the camera. 

Next Scene: Ethaniel “Two By Four” Alien and Laura “Allegedly a Doctor” Keating come clomping down the stairs into the main room of the boat.  Why would anyone have their headquarters on a boat?  All the enemy has got to do is drill a hole in the side and they’re homeless?  And where did an Extra-Terrestrial who showed up naked in the pilot episode get the money for a big ol’ boat like that?  Just a couple of plot inconsistencies for you, because you won’t find any more in this show, cough, cough. 

They’ve been to see King Lear, and Ethaniel doesn’t understand how it’s relevant to modern times.  Laura witters for a while, but I stopped listening because I was mesmerized by Cameron Bancroft’s nostrils flaring.  Man, those things are huge!  She tells him that we humans have a saying, “Pride goeth (I don’t know what humans she knows but round here we just say goes) before a fall.”  Ethaniel flares his nostrils and tries to understand and I play ‘Guess the Moral in this Episode’.  Wasn’t it all so much better when Penny used to pop up at the end and tell you to be careful of danger strangers, or that alcohol was really, really bad?  I miss Inspector Gadget. 

Byder shuffles in wearing a combination of his earlier pissed off face and an ‘I’ve just wet my pants, uh oh, busted’ look.  He shows the pair the film of RN getting toasted.  Ethaniel mouth breaths at him, then flares his nostrils.  .  It’s quite obvious that Cameron Bancroft went to the Joey Tribbianni School of ‘smell the fart’ acting, because he screws up his face into this bizarre grimace, which we’ll call from now on Facial Expression Number 1: Tense and Concerned.  In fact, he looks a bit like Ludo from Labyrinth.  “Sarah!  Smell baaaaaad!”  Laura does her supportive nurturing bit, which shows she used to be a psychologist and dismisses Byder’s concerns with an eye roll.  I’m glad she’s not my psychologist.  Not that I need one. No really, I don't.

Anyway, did I mention the damn credits haven’t even ended yet? 

Byder snarks back at Laura telling her that he thought they’d want to know about a Banning connection.  Ethaniel jumps all over his ass, flares his nostrils and Byder Basil Expositions all about the building.  Blah blah blah most high tech building in the world blah five other buildings in major cities blah blah Banning funded them all blah this is the prototype. 

Ethaniel studies the screen, then hacks up some phlegm from the back of his throat (read: speaks his alien language).  He recognizes the globe thing.  It’s alien technology.  Cue building dramatic music.  Byder makes some really lame Donald Trump ‘quips’ that aren’t worth transcribing, and Ethaniel promises they’ll find RN, “and maybe more.”  Ooooohhhh, crank that dramatic tension music all the way up, baby. I’m on the edge of my fricking seat! 

Cut to the Banning building.  Laura and Ethaniel have tagged along with a tour of the building and facilities.  I would just like to mention that the Tour Guide chick has a really bad orangey tan, and the tourists themselves look like an exhibit of “Modern Military Uniforms: From CIA to Navy.”  I missed that when it came to my town, so seeing it here made me smile.  Laura and Ethaniel have kitted themselves out in power suits and glasses, to show they’re intellectual and business-like, although Laura still manages to look like Ethaniel’s dumb blonde floozy from the typing pool. 

Tour guide takes up Byder’s Basil Exposition role and tells the group that they are looking to get tenants who work in National Security and with top-secret projects.  Ooooh, wonder what they want them for? 

Air Force Man questions the computer network’s security, and Ethaniel requests to see it, but Tour Guide Chick shoots him down.  Everyone laughs at him, including Laura.  And me.  What a dink. 

The tour proceeds through RN’s little car trick gate, and as the rest of the group go off up some stairs, Laura and Ethaniel wing it round a corner to the security door.  Ethaniel runs his hand and his mind powers over the keypad, and informs Laura that the “circuitry is pure Theran.”  The door opens, and in they go.  Ethaniel calls to Byder on a walkie talkie and tells him that they are in.  What, you’re not “so good”?  Byder hears them loud and clear, as he sits at his desk and taps at a computer.  Dude, take a walk sometime! 

They go around a corner and strip to reveal… Vegas tassles.  No really, Cat burglar black outfits.  I always thought that cat burglars wore black to help them blend in with the shadows when they are stealing AT NIGHT, so why the hell is the Alien-Human tag team wearing them?  In broad daylight?  Ina brightly lit building?  Whatever. 

Cut to a security screen showing Ethaniel and Laura having a look around.  Uh, oh.  Busted.  Then, oh, the most gorgeous eyes on television come on the screen and I sigh and pause the video for a while.  It’s evil Leethan.  He barks an alert to a henchman, then recognizes someone on screen, and grins.  He snaps at the henchman to get Banning, they “have an honoured guest in their presence.” 

Ethaniel is wafting his hand around like a fairy, and tells Laura the whole building is wired like it’s alive.  Laura watches him incredulously.  As do I.  And the world.  They come across this red abacus-looking thing, and Ethaniel grunts that it is “bad”.  It’s alien technology.  I thought these aliens were supposed to be technologically advanced?  They’re not going to be getting very far with an abacus. 

Bad Boy Babe Leethan is talking with Bad Boy Big Boss Banning via a vid phone.  Leethan’s all smug and happy about the fact that Ethaniel and his bitch are in da house.  He doesn’t say it quite like that, obviously.  Banning’s not happy that Ethaniel has found out about this place, and tells Leethan that he is to deliver Ethaniel alive.  Leethan suggests running them through the Gauntlet.  He’s come up against Ethaniel before and thinks he’s primitive (just worked that one out there, darlin’?).  Banning warns him that Ethaniels pesky primitive resourcefulness has cost him dearly in the past, but eventually agrees.  I love Matthew Porretta dearly, but this scene is so damn contrived and awkward I’m wincing just writing about it.  Leethan gloats and smugs some more, tells his henchmen to “initiate [the Gauntlet]” and strides off all cocky and big-headed.  Has anybody guessed who’s got all the big ass pride in this story yet?  Just checking. 

Anyway, what the hell is the Gauntlet, and does it deserve that capital letter?  We shall see. 

Ethaniel walkie talkies to Byder and lets them know where they are, then loses the signal.  Byder calls his name for a bit, and taps at a keyboard like it could help.  Say buh-bye to Byder, we don’t see him and his tragically receding hairline again until the end. 

Ethaniel is (obviously) getting no signal from Byder, and shakes the walkie talkie for a bit.  The signal is interrupted by somebody hacking phlegm.  Ethaniel hacks phlegm right back atcha baby, and Laura asks who it was.  Ethaniel isn’t sure.  Now, I don’t know about these aliens, but here on Earth we teach our kids about the dangers of talking to strangers.  Doh!  Laura gets all spooked out, and wants to leave. 

They run round yet another corner, and find a little pile of ash, with a twisted up piece of glasses frame in it.  I lied earlier, say hello again to Lewis, folks!  Then, uh oh!  The mirrors appear again.  They both pause to admire their reflections, and get trapped in the mirror box as the big bad globe and Laser of Doom come down from the ceiling.  It ends up pointing at Laura’s throat, but the dodge it as it shoots.  Leethan comes on the speaker, and goes into auto-gloat about how easy it was to trap Ethaniel. 

Ethaniel:  “LEETHAN!”  Dodge, dodge.

Laura:  Dodge, dodge, pause to put hair back into perfect place, dodge dodge.

Leethan: Gloat, smug, gloat.

Laser of Doom:  Neeee-yip, ping, miss.

Ethaniel:  Dodge, dodge.

Laura:  Dodge, Oh no, she’s been shot.

Me: Cheer, cheer, huzzah.  Is she dead?

Laura: Check her arm, she’s all right.

Me: Damn it! 

Ethaniel rips up the set of great expense, and makes Laura get behind it.  Using the mirror, he reflects the Laser of Doom back onto the globe and destroys it.  They pull the mirror back into place and run along inside the walls.  Laura asks Ethaniel if Leethan is “an old friend from back home”.  Ethaniel tells her she’s being ironic.  Was she? 

Leethan’s all pissed off about the Alien-Human Tag Team getting away, and tells his hencman to seal all the exits. 

Ethaniel takes up the Basil Exposition role and tells us all about Leethan.  Blah blah one of the scientists for Bannings pilot mission blah blah enemy of his brother blah blah.  He finds the conduit that leads to the mainframe computer and follows it, Laura close behind.  He turns, and they stand staring at each other, and I feel the bile rising from my stomach.  He notices her shoulder, and she tells him she’ll live.  Damn it, again!  They start to climb up a ladder.  Watching them, I’ve noticed Cameron Bancroft is a mouth breather.  Leethan was right about the primitive part. 

Leethan throws a bit of a hissy fit and yells at his henchmen, to find them NOW! 

The Alien-Human Tag Team find the mainframe computer, and Ethaniel witters about Leethan some more.  He is an enemy of his brother, and therefore an enemy of him blah blah blah.  Laura bitches at him.  He slaps her.  No, that was me mentally slapping her.  Sorry. 

They find a list of companies on the computer that already have leases.  They’re all aerospace firms and government contractors.  Oooooh, this means Banning can spy on them with his super building, and with identical buildings all over the world, he can spy on everyone.  What shall we do tonight Brain?  The same thing we always do, Pinky… 

Back at Evil Alien HQ, Leethan is informed that Ethaniel is accessing the mainframe computer, and yells some more.  He sends a security team to sort Ethaniel out.  Damn he looks cute when he’s all angry. 

The mainframe is switched off, and Leethan appears on screen.  He smugs at Ethaniel, just in case we weren’t getting the message of what an Evil Overlord he really is, and ‘accidently’ lets slip that he has Ethaniel’s brother. Ethaniel gets his Facial Expression Number 2: Angry (jaw grinding, nostrils flaring.  No, it really isn’t all that different from Number 1) on and grunts at Leethan.  He tells Laura that he knows his brother is there – voice on the radio was him, and they have to find him.  They hear shouts from the corridor.  The security team are here, so much for stealth.  Ethaniel and Laura leg it. 

The security men run into the mainframe room, and see the grating on the wall off.  They must have gone in there.  They start searching, but Ethaniel and Laura are sitting beneath their feet under a grille in the floor.  Laura bitches at Ethaniel about not wanting to be killed by a “building with a bad attitude”.  Whatever, shut up Laura.  Ethaniel asks her how she did want to die, and she paints a picture so ‘Little House on the Prairie’ I think I might be sick again.  Ethaniel tells her he always thought he’d die in the heat of battle.  Because he’s like, you know, a great warrior.  Whatever the second. 

Leethan is on the phone to Big Bad Boss Man.  Banning snarks at him, then a henchman tells Leethan that they’ve found them in a ventiliation shaft.  Leethan grins (sigh) and tels him, “it’s time to bait the trap”. 

As Ethaniel crawls through a ventilation shaft he sees two henchmen dragging his brother along in the corridor below.  Thorber (yup, that’s his name) is wearing a weirdy ass head band, and looks all out of it.  Ethaniel tells Laura it’s a ‘cerebral recalibrator’ – it would steal all the information in Thorber’s brain and leave him essentially brain dead.  He tells Laura to stay put, then jumps into the corridor and starts following the henchmen.  Leethan watches on a security camera and, yes you’ve guessed it, gloats some more. 

Laura drops into the corridor, and immediately gets spotted by a security guard.  He chases her, and she manages to whup his ass and steal his gun. 

Ethaniel is following his brother and co, and goes into a darkened room.  Leethan smugs and gloats, and the lights go on, and are so bright, Ethaniel is practically blinded.  Leethan tells Ethaniel that he’ll give him a sporting chance, and cue the most ridiculous fight scene in the world, Ethaniel gets his ass whupped (Yay!) by  a bunch of guys dressed in white cat suits from head to foot.  Ethaniel, conveniently wearing black so we can see him, strikes out at random, looking like that kid in the playground who used to love The A-Team a little too much. 

Laura runs down a corridor and gets trapped in the mirror/laser trap again.  Doesn’t this woman learn?  Apparently yes, because as the globe comes down from the ceiling, she shoots it. 

After some more useful gloating by voice-over Leethan, Ethaniel stand up and closes his eyes, listening to the heartbeats of the Men in White all around him.  Cue Facial Expression Number 1.  Those are some nostrils.  Ethaniel proceeds to kick the crap out of the MiW (Boo!), with his eyes closed and his stink face on.  My mum always said if the wind changes you’ll stay like that but it would appear that frankly my dear, Ethaniel doesn’t give a damn.  He beats them all to the ground, then swipes a pair of the bug eye goggles and walks out.  

Seeing Laura has destroyed the laser, Leethan pulls back the mirrors to reveal tin foil, and turns up the heat.  Yay, cook the bitch.  If she’s so damn hot and sweaty, why isn’t there a hair out of place?  Anyway, this scene sucks ass, but in essence, she rewires the destroyed laser and uses it to burn out some tin foil on a panel, and escapes.  Ah, the psychology course at college.  I forgot about the advanced electrical skills component.  Silly me. 

Leethan is not a happy man.  He sends some henchmen down to find them, then asks his Star Trek knock-off computer to track any unauthorized entry.  The computer tells him that the system is rebooting and can’t do it, it doesn’t have the power Captain.  Only not like Scotty, but it’d be cool if it did.  Leethan looks evil and pissed off and I sigh yet again.  Damn this man is cute. 

Anyway, Laura creeps along a corridor, gun in hand when she spots a henchman round a corner.  The non-music of non-tension builds as she whips round the corner and, doh!  It’s Ethaniel.  We get a double Doh! because she didn’t shoot him. 

Laura: “I’m having a very bad day.”

Ethaniel: “Me too, but at least we’re still alive.”

Me: “Dammit.  Now I’m really having a bad day.” 

Ethaniel tells Laura he’s giving up on his brother, that Leethan has probably killed him already.  He tells Laura that when Thorber was chosen to come to Earth, he got really jealous and they had a big ol’ fight.  Laura turns it into a quest by telling him that they “should at least make sure his death wasn’t for nothing.” Which is atrocious English by the way.  She drags him off round a corner and they find a Star Trek rip-off computer panel in the wall.  Ethaniel wafts his hand over it, trying to locate Leethan.  But Leethan pops up on the screen, and shows Ethaniel a shot of Throber sitting in a big metallic chair, head band intact looking really out of the game.  He then does a very contrived laugh, very Dr. Evil (muaaah-hah-haaaaaaahhh!).  Ethaniel smashes up the computer, and Laura wigs on him, telling him they have to get to Leethan if they want to save Thorber. 

We cut to the Alien-Human tag team climbing up the air ducts again.  Climbing, climbing, we’re just climbing.  Ethaniel attempts some humour.  Needless to say it falls really flat, even with Laura. 

We cut back to Leethan who is wigging at his henchmen.  Grrr, I do like me some pissed off Matthew Porretta. 

Back to the air duct.  We’re climbing, climbing, still climbing.  Laura attempts some humour.  Needless to say it falls really flat, even with the entire freakin’ world.  Climbing, climbing. 

Leethan tells his henchmen to scan the ventilation system, AGAIN!!!  Ooh, he didn’t have his Weetabix this morning, the cranky man.  He struts out of the room, and strides down a corridor, then surprise!  It’s the Alien-Human Tag Team and a Gun.  Ethaniel grabs Leethan around his neck, and tells him to take them to Thorber.  Leethan tells them to follow him.  They walk through the building.  Walking, walking, we’re walking.   

Leethan stops outside a door, and Ethaniel tells him to open it.  Leethan warns him that [Thorber] “is not the man you once knew.  I’ve seen to that.”  He opens the door.  They rush in, and Laura runs up to Thorber and his Head Band (how cool would that be as a band name?).  She tells him that they are here to help, and Leethan pulls out a remote control and zaps Thorber  (I just typed that as Throbber.  Heh.  You just knew I’d be getting a porn reference in there somewhere!).  Ethaniel gets all up in his face with his large pistol (Heh again.) and Leethan tells him “he’ll kill [Thorber] instantly”.  He runs out of the door and Ethaniel follows, getting crushed by the door.  He fights to get out, and Laura goes to help Thorber out of his Head Band, but her fingers go right through it.  There, that’s why the writing’s so bad on this show.  They can only afford to hire school kids to script the dialogue after they’ve spent the cash on semi-decent special effects.  Thorber is a hologram!  Woooh!  She tells Ethaniel, and he tells her that hell be back, but Arnie is the only man who can do anything decent with that line, so I don’t care. 

Leethan struts through the corridor, then stops, wrinkling his lovely face as if he smells something baaaaaad (it’s not exactly Ethaniel’s Facial Expression Number 1, but it’s damn close).  He turns, and WHAM!  He did smell something bad, and it wasn’t the pop group.  Ethaniel whacks him in the face with the butt of his hand.  Not a very manly hit, I might add, but he’s got that alien super strength thing going on, so it does knock Leethan to the ground. 

Leethan touches his nose to see if it was bleeding, then snarks “Ow!” in the most sarcastic voice I’ve ever heard.  Hee!  We love us some sarcastic alien, especially in that snuggly shape.  Getting to his feet, he evil grins at Ethaniel, and uber-gloats about how he teased Ethaniel and brought him here.  “Everything you’ve done today has happened because I wanted it to,” and Ethaniel gets his Facial Expression Number 2 on. 

Ethaniel goes to punch Leethan, but he bitchslaps him across the face then picks him up and hurls him over the balcony, where he lands, dashed to pieces on the concrete floor.  Nope, no such luck, he rolls over clearly fine, and Leethan leaps over the balcony to kick Ethaniel’s ass some more, looking not unlike Toad from the X Men, only not as green.  Hmmm, Toad from the X Men.  Leethan strolls around the fallen hero, booting him in the face a couple of times.  I love it when they do that. 

Is it wrong that I’m cheering on the bad guy in this?  No, didn’t think so.  Ethaniel gets up and Leethan back flips and kicks him in the face.  This man is the male Buffy, I swear.  He kicks Ethaniel while he’s down again.  Ethaniel must have ribs of steel, I swear to God. 

Ethaniel gets up and lands a couple of punches on Leethan, then redirects him into the wall, but Leethan runs up it and flips over the top.  I rewind the tape and watch that a couple of times.  Sigh.  I’m going to be hyperventilating soon, I keep on sighing like this. 

More fighting, fight, fight, fight then, oh no, Ethaniel chucks Leethan down the stairs.  It’s actually quite amusing watching this, because you hear little “ow, ooh, oww, eeh” noises every time he hits a step.  I don’t know, maybe I’m sick but that kind of shit always amuses me. 

Ethaniel walks away, but Leethan jumps over the banister and grabs Ethaniel’s throat.  Ethaniel grabs Leethan’s in retaliation.  Now, I don’t know about you, but if I were kicking the ass of somebody who wanted to kill me, I would seriously not give them any opportunity to get their hands round my neck if I had the upper hand.  And this is supposed to be a great soldier?  Huh.  The two men choke and gag a bit, staggering around in a circle as if they’re performing some ceremonial Russian dance, and then Banning’s voice booms out over the intercom.  “I told you overconfidence would be your downfall, Leethan.”  The voice of moral overshadowing perhaps? 

Ethaniel and Leethan let each other go and stare up at this big ass screen where Banning’s ugly mush is plastered.  Leethan snarks “My men have control of the building, there’s no way out.”  Banning plays his trump card, and tells the boys in Black that he has taken control of the building, and on cue, Star Treks computer sounds the alert for the auto destruct sequence and helpfully begins counting down.  Banning tells Ethaniel that he cost him a very expensive piece of real estate.  He seems “so” annoyed by it too, and I use sarcastic quote marks (tm Cordelia). 

Leethan looks alarmed and screams “What about me?!” to which Banning tells him “The Captain always goes down with his ship Leethan.  Bon Voyage.”  Maybe it’s me, but this line was delivered in the campest way ever, and I swear to Barry White that Banning blew Leethan a little kissy before he turned the screen off. 

Leethan turns to Ethaniel, artfully tossing his hair and snarks “Well, at least we’ll die together.  Kind of poetic don’t you think?”  Ethaniel puts on Facial Expression Number 1, and says, “Nobody dies.”  Oooh, now he gets all macho.  These damn aliens.  They come to our frickin’ planet, get all macho and steal all the chicks.  Mind you, if it’s chicks like Laura, they can have then.  I want Leethan though, in case anyone’s unclear on that. 

Ethaniel grabs Leethan’s impeccable suit, thereby scrunching it up and ruining it (Aliens!  Who’d have them?), and drags him to where Laura has obviously been doing her hair and make up.  Leethan tells them there is no way out, and Ethaniel tells him to find one.  Leethan find the elevator, and uses his swipe card to ‘override the system’.  Ethaniel throws him into it as the mirrored walls of death slam down all around him.  Leethan goes all panic, panic, and turns around as the Big, Bad Laser of Doom targets on his head.  Ruh roh.  Say goodbye to Leethan, boys and girls. 

Laura and Ethaniel run into a utility room, and Ethaniel grabs up a load of conveniently placed tin foil and starts wrapping it around his arms.  Pointing to a garbage chute, he tells Laura that they can go down that, and use the tin foil armbands as brakes.  Never saw that one on Blue Peter. 

Laura looks at him like he’s mad, then Ethaniel dives into the shaft, his foil armbands giving off sparks as he drags them along the sides of the chute. 

Laura rolls her eyes, wraps the tin foil around her arms and follows him.  We see shots of the pair of them going down the shaft, and it’s interesting to note that although Laura’s arms actually don’t touch the sides of the chute, they still give off the sparks, the wonders of special effects, cough,cough.  They land in this big skip full of rubbish.  I back up my rubbish lorry and dump a whole lot more on them so they can’t get out.  The building blows up, we all cheer, huzzah, Leethan strolls up and plants a big kissy on me… 

Then I wake up from my lovely little dream. And the Alien-Human Tag Team leap from the skip, and run in slow motion (cliché much?) away from the building, just as it explodes and burns like the sun.  Come on debris, hit Laura in the head.  Grant me one wish.  Dammit! 

Back on the boat, they relax with some tea, and Ethaniel tells Laura and Baldwin, sorry, Byder that Leethan’s pride was his downfall.  Like King Lear.  See, it must be a good show because it has a moral, who needs Penny anyway?  Laura exclaims that she thought he was asleep, and Ethaniel makes Facial Expression Number 3:Happy (kind of twitchy corners of the mouth type smile, nostrils still flaring though) then grins which is pretty damn scary looking. 

The End. 

*** 

Review:

I don't know what to say about further information, because there are no websites, not even one that is a fan site for this suck ass show.  But go here and you'll find some stills featuring the lovely Mr. Porretta. 

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