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| The following GUEST COLUMN by Sharon Rauch appeared Monday, April 30, 2001 on page E7 of the Entertainment & Life section of... |
| THE TORONTO STAR |
| The 11-year-old boy stood before the audience. The speech he was about to give was gutsy. His mother, squirming in her seat, wondered whether he'd gone too far. "What does the word 'gay' mean to you?" the boy began. "Being gay means two men or two women who love each other. I, for one, do not understand what's so bad about this. Even though I'm not gay, my parents are, and I feel very strongly about this issue. "I have two moms instead of a mom and a dad, but everything else about my life is basically the same. We live in a normal house, in a normal neighbourhood, and do pretty much normal stuff. We go on family trips, visit relatives and just have a good time. Of course, I also have to go to bed at a regular time, do chores, and get in trouble sometimes, even if it's my little brother's fault. Is this that much different from your family? "I find it very offending when people use 'gay' as a put-down or call something they dislike 'gay.' Even some of my friends use 'gay' as an insult. It hurts. According to a public school survey, the average high school student hears anti-gay comments 26 times a day. Imagine how that would affect someone who is gay or has gay family members or friends." The applause after his speech was polite. Only when the principal announced that the woman's son had won first place did the surprise come: The students jumped to their feet, clapping wildly. The mother was stunned. At best, she'd thought the students would refrain from saying mean things. That they'd actually support her son seemed unthinkable. It wasn't that she'd been completely in the closet. Over the years, she and her partner had come out to teachers, neighbours, doctors, camp counsellors. But those conversations always had been one-on-one, quiet, discreet. |
| When her niece had told her son he didn't have a "family," the mother hadn't corrected her. She let people she just met assume she was married. At work, she let people know slowly, over time, never wanting to make it a big deal. At a previous job, when the boss found out, he wanted to move her to a position where she wouldn't deal with the public. Although he'd never follow through, just knowing he'd even considered it made her more secretive. She felt she moved in and out of safe environments as she would move in and out of air-conditioned buildings. Being gay was OK here, not OK there. This person was open, that person not. She grew accustomed to making quick judgment calls. |
| Son helps his mom come out of the closet |
| Being gay was okay here, not okay there |
| At bottom, the woman was afraid - for herself, her partner and her sons. They might be rejected, ridiculed. The thought that her son might suffer broke her heart. And yet here he stood, broadcasting her story to the world. When the applause died down, her fear was replaced with pride. He had taken a stand. Spoken his mind. And, in a small way, changed the world. As tears came to her eyes, she knew she would have to change, too. She needed to be who she was, in as many situations as possible. Now a year has passed. Over that year she has come out of the closet a little more. She has referred to her partner to strangers, even using the word "she." But she never blatantly came out to the public. Until now. I am that woman. I am that gay person. I am that lesbian mom. |
| Sharon Rauch is a reporter for the Tallahasse Fla. Democrat. |
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