stories of loving heart

January 2003

Hello!!! Would you like to listen to my love story? oh, of course you can tell me right now: “come on, every story is like each other – they met, liked each other, understood that they are for each other and decided to get married.” Yeah, probably it is so, but every love story has own wonderful places, parts and chapters, so please, have patience and you will see the beauty of my story.

Well…. I could start from the moment of creation of world, when two people were in Eden, man and woman, Adam and Eve. I am a religious person and every line of Bible has important idea that I always try to perceive. Thinking of creation of the world I always imagine two parts together from where the world grew up. Every person is result of love…. every person desires to have someone near himself. And not only father, mother, brother, sister or friends. We need special one, with whom we can share not only events of our life, our interests, but our passion, erotic desires and lots of other things that we need by our nature. We were created such way by God who knows what he does and I am sure that His plan is the GREATEST that we can have!!!!

So I had quiet and successful life during my growing up, studying, working. I had a good deal of friends and close people. I was not boring, but my heart told me: “Hey, don’t you think that you are lack of something (or someone exactly)?” “Yes”, - I thought – “it is hard to be alone now, when I have almost every material thing I dreamt about. But I believe that God has own way for me, and I will meet someone on this way who will care about me, love me, feel me like own inseparable part of himself. I feel, I know that I will be able to give him all my heart, my thoughts and days back, I can love and I want to love. But first I need to meet him and all my intentions were to meet him soon. Everything that I need is patience and waiting (oh, it is really hard!!!)”. And God really prepared the wonderful way for me, he created HIM whom I love and want to be with!!! …. ooops… sorry I am hurry up and I need to tell you everything in row.

 I love to meet new people very much, to talk with them, to get to know them. The best way for this is Internet. Thanks God, I speak English a bit, so it was not trouble for me to talk in chats and to write letters. One day (it was 14^th of May 2002) I logged on Yahoo! and saw the message “hello”… “hmmm” – I thought – “it is very interesting…maybe he is a new friend” and I wrote that I would like to get to know him, gave my address. It was first steps of getting to know each other. He replied me with some words about himself and description lady he was looking for… lol…. you won’t believe me, but my first mind was: “I have all qualities he is looking for. No more no less. Probably it is my destiny.” We wrote some letters telling about our life, interests, days. Then we chatted in Yahoo! Messenger. He asked me if he could call me. Yeah!!! it is not trouble. When you want to know person more, it is good to hear his voice, to know timbre of voice. “buzz…buzz…” was what I had heard and lifted up handset. “Hello. How are you?” Gosh, I listened to so nice voice!!!! wow… it was something. Actually I was nervous very much, I was nervous about my English, about understanding him, about his thoughts about my voice. There was first excited trembling going through my body during our communication. oh… I even didn’t know that moment that I will have hundreds of such moments ahead :-)

 Next excitement was his web cam. Can you imagine two people who are divided by thousands of miles, but they are able to see each other, every gesture, movement? oh.. actually only I could see him, but I tried to send lots of photos to him for he knew my life, my friends, my surrounding.

I had had a look on my screen and saw handsome man with wonderful smile, who is energetic, with kind and lovely look. “WOW” was all that my breath let me say. I understood that it was not only friendship, it was more.

 Sometimes I thought of what way love will come to me? fast? at first sight? Well, I can answer myself right now. It was like living fire that was given logs more and more, and this fire was getting burning more and more. I love it. Loving people live together not only with passion, lovely feelings, kisses and lovely looks on each other. You live with thoughts, likes and dislikes, hobbies etc.  With every online talk we found out everything about work, pleasure time, friends, parents, families, past time, present time, future aims, food, books, theatres, places where we were and won’t yet, policy, economic and blab… blab…. blab… blab. That was great. We had talked for an hour every Saturday and Sunday, our holidays. Then we understood that it was few for us… it was getting 2 hours, then three hours, but we needed more and more, and we missed these talks. It was like I am nearby him listening to his voice. It was GREAT!!! We shared every day of our simple life, we shared holidays. I remember his birthday on 12^th of December very good. I had huge enjoyment from birthday song for him I was singing by phone, I was happy to bring joy him. Isn’t it Love?

I felt his care about me, he remembers every detail of my life, we were talking about our future, our plans. I had wonderful books from him that helped me to approve my English and understand him better.

Theodore Dreiser said that every lady needed care about herself from a man and then she fells in love with him. So I am. I love Dane, I love his personality, his attention to me. If you are a woman, I bet you would like to have such kind of man near yourself. If you are a man, I bet you would like to be this kind of man, because your lady will appreciate you for being such way.

 “The marriage is a spiritual union through the physical”. Soon we understood that we were alike in lots of things and we desire to meet in flash, we needed to make sure that we are good physically for each other too. We tried to figure out our trip as soon as possible. Our desire to touch each other was getting stronger. And we did this!!! I had THE MOST WONDERFUL NEW YEAR I ever had. We had New Year’s holiday together in Budapest, we spent almost 5 days like in dream. I would like this dream to be going forever.

I was nervous, I was nervous very much before our first meeting. He asked me what I have thought of while I was waiting him at the airport. I don’t know. I think about nothing. I didn’t know how it could happen this first meeting and it was the best way that I ever could wait for. The door was opened, I have heard “Hello, Yelena!!!”, strong hug and lovely kiss….. OH… I lost all my strengths. Now I can listen to him, look at him, and touch him. That was amazing!!!

Days were spent in traveling around Budapest with keeping our hands together, giving kisses each other and lovely look in our eyes. I saw person who was full of life and desires and I understood that I discovered him better during this short period. How happy I was to see him! We made certain that we have common interests again and we love each other. Our evenings were mysterious and I still feel his hugs and kisses on myself.

 New Year Eve. The watch was striking midnight. Dane was near my legs staying on his knee. He asked me: “Will you marry me?” …. Wow!!! … I said: “YES!” I never thought that everything would be so WONDERFUL! I LOVE HIM!!!

 Airport. He was going to depart. We were a crazy couple who stayed in the middle of the hall, giving non-stop kisses. It was difficult to let him go. But we should. I know that Love has no distance, but there is distance between loving people who miss each other so hard!!!

 Love reckons hours for months, and days for years;
And every little absence is an age.
(John Dryden)

Now I miss Dane very much. I am listening to CD he gave me and recall our days together. I smell perfume he gave me and recall his smell. I look on photos where we are together and I feel his hugs. I close my eyes and his kisses are on my lips. What do you think? is it LOVE? I think YES. I am sure.

“there is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage”. We have lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion and company, so we will have good marriage. Heavens found us and made being together, now an earth needs to consummate marriage that was approved on the heavens. I want to be a wife of Dane Lyn Ruth and I want to give him all my love that I have now, even more, I want him to be proud of me.

I believe that we are led by God and He will do everything for our union will be strong and long.

(to be continued)

March 2003

How wonderful and amazing first meeting was!!! I can help letting my thoughts come back to those days again and again. So please, allow me to jump there as every word about MAN I LOVE gives me strengths to pull through long parting.

You can know person for long time, you search every corner (open corners and some hidden ones) of his mind, every side of his character, light of his thoughts and brightness of his feelings. Wandering in learning person you can foretell what he will say to you in a moment, when pretty smile will appear on his face, when he is thoughtful or in romantic mood, … probably you won’t see it by your eyes, but you are able to feel it. All these are going from our heart, soul, feelings, words. That is ASTONISHING! But I must tell that all these are only one part of enjoyment of person. Our soul can be filled with happiness, but do not forget about your body that is another part of human’s union.

 I knew he was that MAN whom I looked for all my days. I felt this and I am HAPPY that it is really so. Our meeting was like a storm when heart was in flame and worried body trembled. Days flew with enormous speed and mind wasn’t able to catch a lot. When you have everything you need in front of you, you are afraid of passing by this. You try to grab that without leaving anything out. But now for sure I have got one and only idea that I love Dane and I bless a day when we met.

Hey soul, now, after meeting Yeleanna and Dane, you have a friend who thinks of the same things, of the same person, of the same MAN… Now soul and body are two companions who need to survive this terrible long distance in time and space. Now soul and body will recall meetings of lovers regretting that time was so QUICK. Now soul and body will long this wonderful couple to be together forever regretting that time is so SLOW in waiting. Now two companions are in dreams every day about past and future.

Soul saves excitement from the fire of love, from look into eyes, from kiss that can burn skin, but it is safe and tender for lovely person. Soul is dreaming about eternal quiet that it will have all next years and centuries after my Lovely Dane will be by my side. It takes care about passion that grew up and become more and more with every day.

Body soars with thrill of joy from thought about HIM. Memories bring back excitement from his presence, warmth of his body, strong embrace. His touches still wander about every part of that which he possesses now – ME. Thanks God I have these memories or another way I would have lost in my dreams. It is so hard to be far from MAN you LOVE!!! Life challenge us sometimes (or maybe always) and we need to go through all this trials, because we will have the best things we could have ever.

In the slow stream of waiting time I understand that my LOVE grows more. I would say that it changes from romantic love which adores a person like an idol to LOVE which respects MAN, his care, his feeling, his LOVE. It is love that looks into the future making plans about living together with loving MAN, about going through all hardships and difficulties together. This love have to learn patience, skill of compromise, thoughts of another person, his happiness with me, his enjoyment life with me. …. gosh… I become more serious. You see what love does with people? But it is GREAT. All my feelings help me and I am glad about it. Actually how is it possible not to think about HIM if HE is so marvelous? How it is wonderful to know that HE thinks of you, HE loves you. Oh, I need to deserve this, so I need to learn a lot.

Every talk with him makes me happy and smile. Frankly speaking it is hard to know that you can only talk without giving a kiss and looking at his pretty face, but at the same time it is harder when you don’t hear him at all. It is cool to have a letter from him or message and to know that he thinks of you. It is cool to reply him with nice card and lots of lovely words. It is so suddenly to have his call and hear his voice like he is here and this moment. I close my eyes only, make my imagination work and he is nearby me. It is so wonderful to wake up with thought of HIM, to live a day with thought of HIM, to go to the bed with thought of HIM. There is only one important thing. DO NOT make myself upset otherwise waiting will turn into torture. Who believes in the best will have even more. One of my dream to see HIM again came true on Valentine’s Day. HE was my best gift I ever had for this holiday. We spent fabulous three and half days together when I tried to take much than I could take during our first meeting in Budapest. Oh… but I need more and more, I NEED HIM and I NEED more time with HIM.

This moment I am looking at engagement ring that Dane put on my finger as a sign of his LOVE. I am so HAPPY!!! I am proud to be HIS woman and I will be proud to be HIS wife. I know that it makes me responsible for not only my life, but for his life too. I will do my best to be good helpmate for MAN whom I LOVE, my Lovely Dane.

We have to wait for our wedding… Waiting really makes feelings stronger. BUT… not long waiting!!! So… circumstances! go away!!! I NEED Dane… I WANT to be with HIM!!!

(to be continued)

27th of March 2003

It is my BIRTHDAY today on 27th of March.....it is my 24th. I would like to be happy totally, but I can't :-( Day is really wonderful today, it is sunny, warm, I can listen to spring songs of birds under my windows.... but I am sad because my Lovely is far from me. My mood is dreamful and my head is hard with thoughts. How hard is to be apart from people we love so much. Woman and man are created to be together because they are one. They need to see each other and enjoy with presence of lovely body, enjoy looking at pretty smile on face and feeling sweet kisses on lips. It is hard to know that you must be apart from man/woman you love because of something not depending on you. I must be patient only..... I don't like to be patient, but I must :-(

My dearest sent me birthday cards and one of them tells wonderful words to person we miss so much..... I want to share them with everyone who is reading my note, who is far from their sweethearts and longs not to be alone on their holidays, who dreams about being in strong loving embrace giving the hottest kisses. Though you can't touch your Honey right now, though you can't look at his/her eyes, but you can keep your mind on thinking of him/her and your Love will feel this, he/she will be like beside you. Don't forget to tell, write, type, whisper about your feelings and time will flow like a stream that bringing you to the place where your Dearest is and waiting time will seem like short challenge for you both.

 =======Tracy Donovan=====
Being apart from you is even harder than I thought it would be. I try to be logical and tell myself that it won't be forever, but that's not much comfort when I really need to TOUCH you and KISS you and LOVE you. Sometimes I close my eyes and hold a picture of you in my mind and imagine all the things I'd say if I had you here. But no matter how beautiful the picture is, it will never compare to the real thing, to looking into your eyes and whispering your name and kissing your lips.

I MISS you so much, and I can't wait for the day when I can stop holding on to a daydream and start holding you in my arms again.
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I wish everyone to unite with their soulmates as soon as possible and not to have tears of separation. I wish everyone to have smooth process and to be with people you love forever. I wish Nebraska to speed up and don't torture our hearts.....

I am patient ..... I am patient....  It is worth to wait because of things you will have then !!!! Wish PATIENCE to everyone.

(to be continued)

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