Women

40-ish-----48.

Adventurer-----Has had more partners than you ever will.

Athletic-----Flat Chested.

Average Looking-----Ugly.

Beautiful-----Pathological liar.

Contagious Smile-----Bring your penicillin.

Educated-----College dropout.

Emotionally Secure-----Medicated.

Feminist-----Fat, ball buster.

Free-Spirited-----Substance user.

Friendship First-----Trying to live down reputation as slut.

Fun-----Annoying.

Gentle-----Comatose.

Good Listener-----Borderline Autistic.

New-Age-----All body hair, all the time.

Old-fashioned-----Lights out, missionary position only.

Open-minded-----Desperate.

Outgoing-----Loud.

Passionate-----Loud.

Poet-----Depressive Schizophrenic.

Professional-----Real Witch.

Reubenesque-----Grossly fat.

Redhead-----Shops in the Clairol section.

Romantic-----Looks better by candle light.

Voluptuous-----Very fat.

Weight Proportional To Height-----Hugely fat.

Wants Soulmate-----One step from stalking.

Widow-----Nagged first husband to death.

Young At Heart-----Toothless crone.



Men

40-ish-----52 and looking for 25-year-old.

Athletic-----Sits on the couch and watches ESPN.

Average Looking-----Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, and back.

Educated-----Will always treat you like an idiot.

Free Spirit-----Sleeps with your sister.

Friendship First-----As long as friendship involves nudity.

Fun-----Good with a remote and a six pack.

Good Looking-----Arrogant.

Honest-----Pathological liar.

Huggable-----Overweight, more body hair than a bear.

Likes To Cuddle-----Insecure, overly dependent.

Mature-----Until you get to know him.

Open-Minded-----Wants to sleep with your sister, but she's not interested.

Physically Fit-----Spends a lot of time in front of the mirror admiring himself.

Poet-----Has written on a bathroom wall.

Spiritual-----Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter.

Sunday Stable-----Occasional stalker, but never arrested.

Thoughtful-----Says "please" when demanding a beer.