| A cop see's a car swervin in the road so pulls it over and goes "you drinking?" driver goes "you buying?" what does IBM stand for? I've Been Mugged stranger walks up to a man in a pub and goes.. "if you were in a forest and u felt ur ass and felt vasoline would u tell anyone?" the drinkiner replies "hell no" stranger then asks "what about if u reached further into ur ass and felt a condom???" drinker replies "of course not" the stranger then adds "wanna go camping?" What does a man do on 2 legs,that a dog does on 3, and a woman sitting down? Shake hands What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? there's no ballroom Why don't oyster's share there toys? cause they're shellfish What do u call an adolescent rabbit? a pubic hare what did the egg say to the hot water? "i don't wanna get hard yet, i was just laid this morning" How many priest does it take to screw a light bulb? none, priest don't screw What do the signs on whorehouses say? beat it- we're closed a blonde and brunette are discussing their boyfriends... brunette: i had 3 orgasms in a row last night blonde: that all, last night i had over 100 brunette: my god! i didn't know he was that good blonde: (looking shocked) oh u mean with 1 guy two blondes are walking through the woods when one of them goes "awwww look at these deer tracks" the other goes "they aren't deer tracks they're wolf tracks" they argue and argue until after 1 hour they are both killed by a train What does a blonde say after 4 years at college? "welcome to mcDonald's, may i take your order?" why don't girls make good truck drivers? you give them a good load and 9months later they deliver What are the best 10 years of a blonde's life? nursery How are bowling balls like girls? you can grab them, finger them, throw them in the gutter and they still come back for more A blonde is on her way to Disneyland when she sees a sign saying: Disneyland, left. she thinks to herself for a minute and goes oh well and heads back home. A blonde and brunette are walking through the woods when the brunette says "awwwwwww look at that dead birdie :-(" the blonde looks up and goes "where?" 10. things to say in golf that are dirty. 1. Look at the size of his putter 2. Oh, dang my shaft's all bent. 3. you really whacked the hell outta that sucker 4. After 18 holes i can barely walk 5. My hand's are so sweaty i can't get a good grip 6. Lift your head and spread your legs 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired 8. Just turn your back and drop it 9. Hold up.I've got to wash my balls 10. Damn. I missed the hole again A man always passed bad wind in the mornig and eventually after 5 years of marriage, his wife finally said, "if you fart anymore you'll fart your guts out". being a butcher, the wife decided to but big scraps in his pants so when he wakes he he wouldn't do it anymore.the next morning the wife notices her husband has been in the bathroom for a long time, so she eventually goes over there. peeps her head through and the husband goes "you were right about farting out my guts, but with the grace of the dear lord and these 2 fingers i managed to get them back in there. A pirate walks into a bar and it appears he has a steering weel in front of his trousers.In fact it looks like he's got his dick stuck through the center of it. the bartender says "Hey pirate! you've got your dick stuck in a ship's wheel" pirate then replies"Arrrr i know, drives me nuts" An englishman, irishman and scotsman walk into a bar and each orders a beer. A fly lands in the englishman's beer so he pushes the glass away and refuses to drink it. it then flys into the scotsman's beer. He picks the fly out and continue's drinking. It then lands in the irishman's drink. the irishman picks the fly out and begins to shake it violently over his cup. he then shout's "spit it out u bastard" |
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