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| (2/1) Collins: Kim, Li are of no challenge to me |
| EVANSTON, Ill. -- With all the recent uproar over endorsements in the Boba Primary, Miller Lite candidate Nicholas Collins finds it all laughable. "I honestly feel unbeatable," he said from his maggot-infested home on 2034 Maple. "I mean baba? boba? what is this? Rocky VI? Let's be serious here." (actual) Collins picked apart each candidate and assured his own victory despite the fact that he lost last year's senate election to popular cashier Sherman. "He came out of nowhere and he started offering free whoppers in exhange for votes," he said. "In the end, even I was voting for him." (actual) Collins is not doing very well despite his brash claims. His own house won't endorse him and it is unlikely that any Bobas will vote for him in a general election, despite Collins' claims that he can sway people of all backgrounds to vote for him. The Boba Party, which are mostly comprised of Asians and Pacific Islanders, has historically shown to vote down ethnic lines. "I think my Asian appeal is up there with the best," Collins said. "As far as my non-endorsing housemates are concerned, I don't think they can properly fill out a ballot, let alone register to vote. I believe there is some sort of literacy requirement." (actual quote) It's statements like these that are getting Collins into hot water. But party officials aren't playing the "race" card yet. "Let's not start throwing around the 'a' word so early," Top Miller Lite Party official Bobby Nampia said. (actual) |
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| Collins, shown here at a 2002 campaign rally, is not toally unfamilar with courting Asians. He is shown here with his former lover, Eugene Tsai. (AP) |
| (2/1) Li's performance brings new endorsements; Kim snags first freshman |
| EVANSTON, Ill. (AP)__ Boba Party Presidential candidate Newton Li performed at Celebrasia Saturday night, playing an elderly Chinese man with a thick accent with an obvious prop problem. His performance turned the tide of the primary. Andrew Ong, local stud, took back his "tentative" endorsement of Andrew Kim and announced his support for Li. "That can't be," Kim said in astonishment and sadness. "He just told me thirty minutes ago how excited he was about my campaign." (actual) More bad news for the duped Kim -- AACM president Rebecca Tsang decided to formally endorse Li, ending days of speculation. "I'm devastaed," Kim said. "How could Becca do this?" (actual) But Kim picked up a president of his own, winning over David Chan, president of Lambda Phi Epsilon. He also took senior Jackie Mah and the first freshman (Roger Chang). "I thought I reeled [Roger] in at the HIS afterparty," Li said. "He must have been playing dumb." (actual) |
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| KASA president Pat Min |
| Local stud, Andrew Ong, gives thumbs-up to Li's campaign |