| Okay, so you've seen Da Faulkiners efforts and you thought they were a load of shit. Thats fine. But to improve Da faulkiner requests to see your efforts, and the generous gentleman will even publish the best. And the rest will be dumped. So here's your chance to show if you're as talented and imaginative as Da Faulkiner. |
| Right, just a few rules, and bearing in mind this is Da Faulkiners first effort it may crumble into dust and be a farce of unimaginable preportions! Still just like the rest of the site... Your short story should be less than 700 words. However if your literacy genius can not contain its abundant talent to under that, Da Faulkiner may put it up any way. Oh hell, he's one hell of a friendly bugger! Its got to be funny and original, it doesn't have to be insane and completely stupid but it would help to keep a certain continuity. Make sure its got a title and remember to put your name at the bottom. If you'd like others to e-mail you or if you've got your own site, Da Faulkiner will make a link for you if requested. You will be able to show your mates, if you have any(?), and it might be a laugh!? If no one sends any in Da Faulkiner will be forced to print something from his mum, Ma Faulkiner, and it will probably be a knitting pattern or something equally poor. So get thinking, delve into the deepest crevises of your smutty little mind, but try to keep them reasonably clean. Its really bleeding easy so you might as well, so good luck you crazy kids! The closing date was the 2nd of April so you've missed it already, but send it in anyway. |
| Okay and now for the stuff you can win! Da Faulkiner has a very small budget, imagine the face of a very small gnat and you are somewhere in the region. However he is prepared to reward talented individuals, and he wants to encourage everyone to join in. He does reliase that getting anybody to something for nothing is like trying to squeeze cranberrry juice out of a rubber tyre, and the following are the top prizes for the graetest stories: Note all prizes are OFF. First Prize: Wow, your story is the best, its so good that it has made Da Faulkiner sit up and wonder about your amazing creativity. You will recieve a unique T-Shirt with the Da Faulkiner logo on it, it is one of a kind, its special, women/men will flock to you like flies around fresh shit. You will also get a �2 gift voucher for a book shop, where you'll be able to indulge yourself with a new book or something else that you choose to spend it on. You will also become one of Da Faulkiner IX, the prestigous club that provides you will a celebrity rating of K on the famous ranking system. And on top of all that your story will be perminantly posted with a special link that will show everyone how fucking brilliant you are!! Second Prize: Close, oh so close, you too show talent, your juices must really have been flowing overboard when you came up with your ace story. Congratulations, and for your troubles you will recieve a �1 gift voucher and a special mention. The value of this may increase if Da Faulkiner believes that you deserve it, but you will not get a T-Shirt, to reiterate NO T-SHIRT! Below Second Prize: Bugger all and a stern indication that you are pretty crap! Only messin', although there will be no material prize, what did you expect?, you will have your little masterpeice avaliable for the world to see. Hey you never know, some publisher might copy it, flesh it out a bit and launch it as an international best seller, and then you could launch a massive court case that attracts loads of media attention, and as well as earning loads of entitled royalties you will also have the adoration of millions of the opposite sex. Well worth a bit of an effort in my book! |
| Da Rules |
| Da Prizes |
| Now Send it in |
| Okay, you've spend so many nights conquering that writers block that the bags under your eyes are bigger than a rabid badger clinging for its life on a large oak tree branch. But finally, your story is complete. Your heart is fluttering, the butterflies in your belly indicate a real tention, how will it be recieved, will it win first prize, is it shit? All you have to do now is to e-mail it to Da Faulkiner. The address is [email protected], or you can just click here to send it. Now all you have to do is sit back, cross your fingers and hope. Or alternatively you could write an even better one, because you can enter as many as you like and you could even win the two top prizes. Remember that the combined total for book tokens would be a not insignificant �3!! Thats real blooming money we're talking here! You could save loads of children in the third world for that kind of dough. Remeber You've already missed the closing date my friend... |