My dearest Manouk jan, i still can't believe you're gone..i posted those small msgs because i was just too in shock and didn't know what to say..no words express how i feel..i didn't wanna actually believe or accept that you're no longer with us..i even called your cell phone when i found out cuz i just couldn't believe it..honestly, i was scared to call at first because if you didn't answer i knew i'd be facin reality and it'd be tru..but i called anyways..and you didn't answer..and it hit me and all i could do was bawl..i ALMOST called you saturday (like i came SOO close..i had the phone in my hand and saw your name..all i had to do was press "talk"..) to tell you i was coming to cali, but i got sidetracked and decided i'd call later..but i didn't..now i WISH i had called you MORE than ever..but i can't go back and change things..(and you know i dont like living a life with regrets..so i'm gonna TRY not to regret it anymore..) and so i thought now would be a good time to write something a lil longer..so..here i go..i am SO happy i got to know you the little bit that i did..while talkin to you in france last year, you made me laugh so much and made the year a whole lot easier for me...you'll never know how much it helped..never...i remember the hours we spent talkin here on the net..us and our stupid mics...you cracked me up and always made me smile..we used to talk bout which was better...america or france..and how i thought the french shouldn't rap cuz it's too pretty of a language..and "rollin rollin" i'll NEVER forget how you went off about that song all the time...you know it was a good song :) ...and i'll always remember you when i hear it..and your crazy awesome accent..i LOVED it..the way you said "rollin rollin" and everything else..i just can't help but smile when i hear ya say it in my head..and i remember you tryin to teach me french...that was funny..but i finally did master how to say "je t'aime" (and many other words) without soundin like a fool...you would be proud of me cuz i can still say it good..(and guess what? i was FINALLY able to sign up for a French class..i'm soo happy and sad at the same time..cuz i'll finally be able to speak it..but you wont be there to speak it with me...and you KNOW i'll think of you each time i utter a word in French..but even when i start feelin sad and missin you, i'll continue to learn more..just for you) and remember the virus you accidentally sent me when you sent me another pic? well it ruined our computer regardless of the thing you said that "cured" it..(how'd it fix yours but not ours?!)..but i dont even care..cuz we had a good laugh about it :) ..and you..you were soooo GOOFY..haha..i remember how you always went off bout me bein the goof..but we both know deep inside you were the goofy one :) ..gosh, i'm gonna miss you..and to think i could have seen you in like 3 wks..and what am i gonna do when i go to france? you are supposed to be there to show me around..and take me to the awesome beaches!! i'll never view the beach the same..after seeing pics of Nice's beach, i realize you were right..it is BEAUTIFUL..and when i go back to france (because i AM gonna go..just like i told you i would)..i'm gonna make a trip to Nice (just for you) and sit at the beach and just think of you..i still cry when i think of you..but i have a smile on my face while i do cuz i know you would want me to "BE HAPPY"..like you always said..i want to say SOO much more but i know you'll never see these words and so..i'll keep the rest to myself..i still call your cell many times a day..but everytime i do, you dont answer..and i realize you truly are gone...it's slowly starting to sink in..so now i call just to hear your voice on your message..and i'll continue to call until your phone is disconnected so i'll never forget your voice..i know "EVERYTHING happens for a reason" (cuz it's still my motto) and God has a plan in all of this..even if it was just to realize how awesome you were and to value ALL of my friendships more and not take them for granted, then in a way, it was worth it..(i just wish i could have said goodbye)..this changed my perspective on life drastically..and although you're not here with us on earth, you'll ALWAYS be in my heart..i'll save every picture of you that i have and smile when i look at them..i thank God for blessing me by having you in my life..and thank you, WITH ALL MY HEART, for being my friend at a time when i needed one the most..***i miss you MANOUK..my GOOFY..and i'll NEVER forget you..NEVER!! je t'aime...***
love,
your goof..Angela (smilin just for you) :) |
