| ~Clajon Miller~ *May 16, 2002* |
| Unlike what i did on Manouk's page...i'm not gonna just copy and paste somethin i've written "to" Cla...cuz it's TOO personal to share here on the net and just too deep..i've written wayyyyy too much....so basically i'm just gonna give you a lil summary of who he was to me...i'm gonna do my best to make sure it makes sense...but it's still so fresh and because of that, i can't help but cry every time i think of him...but anyways...here i go... Cla...was my "first love"...i met him in 4th grade, when he came to our private school...he was the "new kid" and all the girls were instantly in love with him...obviously includin me...to make it short, we were always paired together...i had to help him with things like school assignments...most paired projects were done with him...we were the same height....couldn't outrun each other..he picked on my bro as a way to flirt with me...it was always "angela and clajon"...etc..he was a "tough guy"..but a total softy on the inside..but rarely opened up to anyone bout really personal things..he did however open up with me a few times..and that made those times even more special....SOO many crazy things happened while we were in school together..i could tell you story after story of lil funny, cute, and crazy things that happened..but would have written a book by the time i'm done..so i wont bore you with them...we went to school thru our 8th grade yr...and my feelings for him never left...i just fell more and more in love with him...durin our 8th grade yr, he transferred to a diff school...and it was rare if i ever saw him..i found out later that he had really liked me...but we both obv weren't gonna act on it...we were too young then..anyways..he moved to a lot of different schools...and eventually just moved to Texas to live with his uncle...he straightened up his act there and then came back to Alaska to be with his bro and dad...and ended up movin back to Texas eventually..and that's where he died... i wish i could show you tons of pics, but i can't cuz i honestly only have one...and would rather not put it up until i have more pics..Cla meant the world to me..and was always dear to my heart..he died almost a wk before my birthday..and that just made it even harder...he would have been 21 on Dec 6th this yr (2002)...but obv, he's not here...i will never forget Cla as long as i live..he'll forever be in my heart...i can't EVEN express how much he really meant to me because no one could possibly understand..i have no idea why he had to go...but the only comfort i have is that God is in control...and it was His will.....He has a plan in all of this....but i definitely have my moments when all i can do is cry because i miss Cla so much...but God's healin my heart...He's the only one that can take any of this pain away... i could write a whole lot more....but i'm gonna stop....this might seem like a emotionless page, but it's far more emotional than any of you readin this could possibly think....i'm torn apart and really have no words that express it..so i just make it simple and to the point.....i included one of the poems i wrote the night he died...i really hesitated to paste it on the net....but i figure i owe it to Cla...dont get depressed by it or anything...(or think i'm gonna kill myself...cuz i'm not that crazy)...it's just one expression of what i was feelin the night he died...so here it is... |
| Words Don't Express the Way I Feel I feel like I've been robbed You've been taken away from me. Not just for now, But for forever. I can't believe it, I just can't believe you're gone. I have so many things I wanted to tell you, Needed to tell you, Wished I could have told you... How can you really be gone? Why can't this just be a nightmare, To wake up from And see that it never happened I don't know.. I wish it was. But it's not... Not a dream.. Not a nightmare.. It's reality. My heart hurts so bad... How could you leave me Without giving me a chance to say All that I wanted and needed to say? Death is so permanent Anything I didn't say, Anything I didn't do Will be left unsaid and undone Regardless of what I want. A life of regrets Is what I'm living right now Why couldn't I have told you how I really felt? Why? I love you... Always have, Always will. But that won't bring you back, No...nothing will. You were my first love, My very first. No one took your place, And no one ever will. Oh, how I miss you! I can't explain what I feel, But it's ripping me apart - Tear by tear. So many unsaid words - Most of which could have been left unsaid - But there's just a few I wish I could have said. Such simple words, Yet ones with meaning... Not words like How are you or Hi. Instead.... I wish to have said I love you And......goodbye |
| i loved you Cla...and still love you today...more than you'll ever know...i'll never stop missin you or wishin you were here.... RIP my one n only Cla.... |
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