| Introduction To Da Brothas |
Celebrities
Be sure to check *Notes* for updates, facts, responses and what our investigation of the statements have reveled.
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Brother #1: Always happy to see you. Known to ask
for spare change but he doesn't spend it on drugs. 
Can't do a
thing in the morning until he has his coffee. Smells of cocoa butter. Once swam with the
sharks off the coast of Brazil. Became a Black Muslim for two weeks (couldn't give up
pork). Has a winning smile. Claims to have wrote lyrics for all the early Tupac albums.
Thinks Michael Jackson isn't really that "bad" after all. Thinks Crest is the
work of the white man. Knows how to read your thoughts. Once dated Miss Cleo. Is In A
wheelchair, but only for fun. Eats corn on the cob for laughs.
*Note* Family of Tupac is suing him for slander
Brotherism: 5.9
Hobbies: Smiles, Jogging on the beach and Shadow Boxing.
Can Be seen At: The 4 Train, Back alleys and Public Restrooms.
Hostility: 2
Favorite Group: Sugar Hill Gang
Quote: "Teeth are the window to the soul."
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Brother #2: This is a clear demonstration of a classic
brother. Has "good hair." 
Most likely will grow up
and stand in front of your building. Started out a nice kid but now... he never helps
around the house or does his homework. Known to shop-lift but no one has ever caught him
in the act. Willing to be adopted by a white family. Good with giving out street
directions. Smells of Blue Cheese dressing. Thinks Spike Lee has great aptitude and
a God sent. Thinks pop tarts are the work of the white man. Cleans his room without you
asking. Hates chewy candy with a passion. Lost a finger playing with fireworks.
*Note* Has been adopted by a white family and all are said to be happy.
Brotherism: 7.5
Hobbies: Spit Bubbles, Hip-Hop Dancing and Quarter Waters.
Can Be seen At: Fort Green projects, Any Mall U.S.A. and at the Principal's Office.
Hostility: 4
Favorite Group: Juice Crew All-Stars
Quote: "Is This A Spike Lee Joint!?"
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Brother #3: Talks like a thug but really has a warm
heart and a striking personality. 
Once worked
on a NBC sitcom as a writer. A mathematical genius. Inventor of the question mark.
President of P.S. 111 class of 72. Once sat in with Regis on the morning show.
Thinks deodorant is the work of the white man. IS having A good hair day. A fast food
junkie. Once was the Grand Marshall at the St. Patrick's day parade. Smells of old
noodles. coin the phrase "got any spare change?" Known as A Latin lover. Known
NOT to be Latin. Lost top row of teeth in the war (Not sure which one). WILL work for
food.
*Note* "He'll never work in this city again!" -Regis
Brotherism: 8.3
Hobbies: Smack, Malt Liquor and Synchronized Swimming.
Can Be seen At: Hair Shows, Dumpsters and Al Sharpton's house.
Hostility: 7
Favorite Group: The Miami Sound Machine.
Quote: "Bad, is A breath is Life, and Life is a Breath of Bad."
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Brother #4: Watches a lot of B.E.T.
Exceptional cook! Prides himself on the fact that he has 
tried every
breakfast cereal known to man. Made you believe he was cool because of the whole
"moon walk" thing. wrote lyrics for Nas's first album. Also known as Ghost
face Killa. Thinks collard greens is the work of the white man. Can turn himself invisible
on occasion. Was question by the police for wife beating but was later cleared. Smells of
heavy cream. Doesn't believe in hats but WILL wear a scarf every now and then. coined the
phrase "mystery meat." Good in the sack. Will wash your feet and drink your bath
water( depends on how long you've been soaking).
*Note* "He should be put in arrested and put in jail for what he has done to me." -ex-wife Lisa-Marie
Brotherism: 1.8
Hobbies: Chalk, White Out, Fade Cream, Snow and Plain Paper.
Can Be seen At: Toys R Us, Kiddy City and Sesame Street.
Hostility: 3
Favorite Group: The New Power Generation
Quote: "The Blacker The Berry The Sweeter The Juice!"
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Brother #5: For the most part he's a
"homebody." Goes out only to do his duties. 
Currently
training his kids for their calling in life (To save the planet). Very strong and has
never cried, not even once as a child. Smells of mint tea. Likes to be called
"Sir" even in a relaxed situation. Thinks pickles are the work of the white man.
Graduated with degree in babysitting. Can jump a ghetto fence in a single bound. Runs
really really fast. He can open up any ketchup bottle in the House. Can read your mind,
has X-ray vision, Heat vision and overall super powers. Drinks hot coffee as fast as cold
water.
*Note* We found out he still has 47 more credits to get before he receives his degree.
Brotherism: 4.3
Hobbies: Kool-Aid, Kriptonite and Lois Lane.
Can Be seen At: Saving the Universe, Black Expo. and Compton.
Hostility: 5
Favorite Group: Doesn't know his name but, the guy who sings "Da Bridge is Over."
Quote: "It's a Bird, It's A Plane?"
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Brother #6: I don't know if you can see but he Does
have a part. That alone says a lot about this brother. 
He's the kid
whose mom sends him to your house to borrow a pack of franks. He's a good drinking
partner. Started that whole Anti-Vanilla Ice thing which lead to his arrest and conviction
in 1989. Smells of vegatarian Beef. Advocate for crack use ONLY
for medical reasons. He's the kid with the heart of gold. Captain of the swim team debate
team and chess club. Every Tuesday he has "fold your arms practice." Thinks
English Muffins are the work of the white man. Speaks a bit of Greek. King of the
"Name Game." Like crowds and tight places. Sneaks his fathers beer.
*Note* Vanilla Ice Case was dropped due to lack of evidence.
Brotherism: 7.7
Hobbies: Boosting from Sears, Step Shows and Old English 800.
Can Be seen At: Foster Care, Family court or on PBS.
Hostility: 4
Favorite Group: Back Street Boys
Quote: "Life isn't like a box of chocolates after all."
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Brother #7: Can eat a whole Turkey in one sitting.
Doesn't know if he can finish it, if force to eat all the trimmings as well. 
Always picked as "The Fat Guy" in school plays. Smells of cat
food. Does NOT believe women have a G-spot. Swam with the dolphins before everybody
started doing it. Trying to bring back the phrase "Right On". Lived in the south
for 18 years trying to find the original underground railroad. Unsuccessful, he moved back
north and sold powdered meat for a while. Has his G.E.D. Thinks Salt Water Taffy is the
work of the white man. Got his degree in "Afrolistics." Has a big record
collection (45's)
*Note* 97.897712% of women surveyed agree, they DO have a G-Spot.
Brotherism: 9.1
Hobbies: Fat Albert and the Gang, Smelling Passed Gas and Sweating.
Can Be seen At: Soul Train Disco, With Bobby Brown and Chucky Cheese.
Hostility: 2
Favorite Group: The Afro's
Quote: "Hey, Hey, Hey."
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Brother #8: Got an A+ in sex education. Love French
fries and Mayo. 
Believes a straw in the mouth is really really "super
kool" (cool spelled with a K). Keeps a tan all year long. Can do an amazing amount of
one handed push ups. Never had a Gerri-curl, but wore a Mow-hawk for a short while. He can
do 2,458 jumping jacks. Ends most of his sentences with "ya heard?" or " ya
know what I mean?" Believes soup IS good food but soup with alphabets are the work of
the white Man. Not the coldest beer in the fridge but still quick on his feet. Smells of
cheese cake. Truly a sexual guy. Does stuff with candle wax. Loves his women
"Hairy." Has 19 piercing. His parents only had him in case his older brother
needed a kidney.
*Note* Parents supplied us with a photo of him with a Gerri-Curl (6-4-82).
Brotherism: 7.4
Hobbies: Peanut Butter and Jelly, Butt ticklers and penetration.
Can Be seen At: Strip shows, Nudist Camps and Gay Horse Races.
Hostility: 8
Favorite Group: Color Me Bad.
Quote: "I Wanna Sex U Up!"
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Brother #9: Believed to have the biggest collection of
Lego known to man. Alleged to have wrote the script for Purple Rain. 
Thou he lost the court battle, The Artist formally known as Prince said
"He was a big influence to the project." Coin the phrase "What you talkin'
'bout Willis." Likes long walks on he beach but short walks by the pool. Eats his
pizza crust first. Smells of Lima Beans. Lost his Right arm in the war. Later he found it
in another war. Thinks Cotton Candy is the work of the white man. Suing Will Smith for
stealing his "image." First person kicked off the island on the Tv show
Survivor. Co wrote "We are the world" with Michael Jackson. Thinks Lionel Richie
is the devil.
*Note* Will Smith and him work out a "situation."
Brotherism: 8.9
Hobbies: Malt Liquor, Dry Humping and Bird Watching.
Can Be seen At: Small Yellow Buses, Drooling, at Breath Mint Conventions.
Hostility: 7
Favorite Group: The Osmonds
Quote: "I'll get you silly Rabbit!"
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Brother #10: Can do amazing things with hair grease.
Had a threesome with Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown in the early 90's. 
Spent A million dollars in one day. Was the lead singer for the Back Street Boys. Left
before they had a hit record. He said at the time, "This Group will never
work." He's not bitter it did, but does expect royalty payments. Smells of
Hospital food. Likes to play a game with neighborhood kids called "Lap
Ride." Knows hoe Stella got her groove back. Got a Presidential pardon from Clinton
before he left office. Thinks Old Dirty Bastard is the work of the white man. Loves sponge
baths and coconut soda.
*Note* "When I see him I'm going to whip his ass." -Bobby Brown
Brotherism: 9.5
Hobbies: Care Free Curl, Hennesy and Civil Rights.
Can Be seen At: Players Club, With Reverend Calvin Butts and Sinbad.
Hostility: 5
Favorite Group: Ohio Players
Quote: "How much for an order of ribs?"
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Brother #11: A master of hypnotism. Known to pull a
rabbit out of his hat at a drop of a dime. 
He's really
tricky and is good at meditation. Graduated from Morehouse collage for Magic. Roomed
with Jesse Jackson. Smells of "Abracadabra." Can get out of a straight
jacket and handcuffs in 24 seconds flat (Just under the worlds record). Can see in the
future. Has a magic wand. Known to move things with his mind as well as bend spoons.
Thinks Alley McBeal is the work of the white man. Currently on tour with Monica Lewinsky.
Loves Black Jelly Beans!
*Note* "He's a hack and all his work is bogus." -David Copperfield
Brotherism: 4.2
Hobbies: Magic, Mystery, Suspense and the Art of Illusion. (Trickery)
Can Be seen At: With David Copperfield, Huffing Gasoline.
Hostility: 1
Favorite Group: Josie and the Pussycats.
Quote: "The hand truly is quicker then the eye."
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Brother #12: Really into Nature shows. Once chase down
a gazelle and choked it out with his bare hands. 
The first
man to boo at the Apollo. Thinks there's no such thing as "Light Beer."
Uses crack rock for scientific reasons. The first to warn us all about the potential
dangers of Rap Music in the early 80's. Smells of fish and grits. Has the biggest
collection of fake mustaches known to man. Able to turn invisible when he gets stressed
out. Believes that "Groove IS in the heart." Thinks Bill Gates is the work of
the white man. Once ate Snake meat on a dare. Believes Disco Roller skating will be
back.
*Note* "I don't think it was one man who started booing, it's more of a Harlem thing." - Apollo Management
Brotherism: 8.9
Hobbies: Arsino Hall, Finger paint and Cross Dressing.
Can Be seen At: Bad Boy Records, John Travolta's House and Motor Vehicles.
Hostility: 8
Favorite Group: The Eagles
Quote: "I didn't put the bananas in the tail pipe."
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Brothers #13: They work together good as a team. Said
to have made up "The Electric Boogie." 
They take turns patrolling
their community looking to stop crime. Each Tuesday they have "Crying Practice."
They own the copyrights to all Jell-O products. All are members of the "Tight gym
Shorts Club." Smells of The Black Panther Party. They wear each others underwear and
all are comfortable with it. Sundays are "Dry Hump" day. Thinks bologna is the
work of the white man. Learned most of their moves from coach Ike Turner. Each one only
knows each other as "Thun."
*Note* "They really haven't helped crime go down. At lease we haven't notice it." -Brookdale Housing Projects
Brotherism: (Left to right) 7.3, 8.1, 4.9, 6.2, 8.9
Hobbies: Opera, Square Dancing and Water Ballet.
Can Be seen At: Car shows, Gang meetings and at "Make a fist" try outs.
Hostility: (Left to right) 7, 3, 4, 4, 8
Favorite Group: New Kids On The Block
Quote: "Mama told me one day it was gonna happen , but she never told me when. She told me it would happen when I was much older ,wish it would have happen then."
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Brother #14: Father Figure. Good at making spaghetti
and passing gas. Wears to much cologne. 
Always has wise words
when you really don't need any. Loves young girls and Chuck Berry records. Has a very very
very big porno collection. Surfs the web for teen sites. Hasn't missed a day of
masturbating since 1983. Made love to a man on a dare (Didn't enjoy it much). Smells of a
whole lotta Jesus. Gives a hell of a back rub. Considered to be a "Sneaky
Uncle." Use to sell loose Joints of marijuana in the 70's. Self proclaimed "King
Of Foreplay." Thinks Chicken Pot Pie is the work of the white man. Into toe sucking.
When he leaves a room instead of saying "bye" he says "Chow."
*Note* Currently under indictment for his activities on the internet.
Brotherism: 8.3
Hobbies: Wife Beating, Face Hair and Colt 45.
Can Be seen At: In His Mini Van, Late for work and Hanging Around Jr. High Schools.
Hostility: 6
Favorite Group: Lou Rawls
Quote: " Must be the Devil 'cause Jesus Don't Shake Like That!"
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Brother #15: Good at Pawn Shops. Runs fast and never
gets caught. Never would call his bee-eye-itch a hoe. 
Use to
tour with TLC back in the Waterfalls era. Good at making Peanut Butter and Jelly.
Auditioned for "Harpo" In the Color Purple. Didn't get the role, said he wasn't
"Black Enough." Smells of Utz Corn chips. Always says it's my way or the
highway! Use to work at a underwear model on the early 90's. He's "Da man"
if you need a bootleg Cell phone. Coin the phrase "Dirty South." Thinks Puff
Daddy is the work of the white man. Always willing to go half on the Liquor with you.
*Note* "We weren't going for the black thing, he just wasn't what we were lookin' for at the time." -Director S. Spielberg
Brotherism: 9.1
Hobbies: Sexual Harassment, Scariness and Heroin.
Can Be seen At: Rehab, Stealing your TV and at the Rib Shack.
Hostility: 6
Favorite Group: Doesn't know the name but the guy who sings "10 Crack Commandments."
Quote: "Damnnnnnnnn!!!, That's some good shit!"
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