In a white, sterile room. Not padded, disappointingly enough.
2.) How well do you know me?
I cracked open your skull once and peered inside, so I pretty much know everything. Your mind got inexplicably dirty, though, some time around when I did it . . .
3.) Do I smoke?
You have the soul of a chain-smoker, the heart of a crack addict, and the liver of an alcoholic. Well, not really, but you do have an addictive personality. What was the question about? Oh, yeah. No, you don't. Good thing, that.
4.) Do I believe in God?
Well, that bolt of lightning was pretty damn convincing.
5.) When you first saw me what was your impression?
That's my sister? It doesn't look human! Okay, set it on my lap. I'm a big boy now! I'm this many (holds up two fingers)
6.) My age?
Inching inexorably to the age of legal responsibility. That's eighteen to you plebeians.
7.) Color hair?
If I answer wrong, am I going to get smacked?
8.) Color eyes?
I am, aren't I?
9.) Do I have any siblings?
(waves hand) Hello? Look at me! Oh, and there's Der Fuehrer, too.
10.A) (If opposite sex) Have you ever had a crush on me?
God, I hope not. There are laws about that sort of thing.
10.B) (If opposite sex) Would you ever kiss me?
Not in the way you're asking, perverted little survey.
10.C) (If opposite sex) Would you ever have sex with me?
(sigh) Must I reiterate?
Oh, and you have evolved from white-blond to dirty-blond to
totally-not-blond to brown hair. And your eyes are Aryan blue. Go you.
10.D) (Same and opposite sex) Do you know anyone who had a crush on me?
No . . . why, did they spurn you? Do they need to be ventilated? (caresses nailgun)
10.E) (Same and opposite sex) How many times have I been kissed?
Beats the royal hell out of me. Truth to be told, I'd rather not know these details. In fact, I can hold off on knowing anything about your sex life until the wedding.
"What's this?"
"An invitation to my wedding."
"You're getting married? To WHO?"
"Whom. His name is Bob, and we've been together for three years."
"WHEN DID YOU START DATING?"
back