STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE
JAR JAR BINKS-
Meesa Jar Jar Binks, Dokitar Sky Towah, I'sa Gungun! Waassa ela- vay-tah dokitah??? Heyyyy, Doc, Meesa wanna be a ela-vay-tah dokitah like yousa, too!!!
DR SKY TOWER-
You, hmmm, are not intelligent enough to become a hohumm, supermarket packer much less an Elevator Psychiatrist.
JAR JAR BINKS-
How wude.
JAR JAR BINKS.
Arguably the WORST character, this side of the Ewoks, ever to be put into a movie. One may describe this creature as being second to none to the TeleTubbies, with less character than Scooby Doo. His stupid antics are anything but funny, his awful Jamaican pidgeon english accent is as fake as his C.G.I created person. We are subjected to the early appearance of this clumsy moron 15 minutes into the film.
ALIEN-HUMAN ALIENS (!!???)
Wow! Whoever created the voices for these stupid 'aliens'? They all sound like Ethnic Earth humans!
Check this out.....
Watto - The horrible little pot-bellied Jewish Blue Bottle Fly who loves to gamble
The Viceroy - Asian Invaders who are based on Japanese culture -right down to the costumes they wear!
Pod Racer Announcer - Two headed American Game show host (URGH!!!) -male version of Rozanne???
Sebulba - Sleezy sounding Italian Mafia boss who surrounds himself with alien women (!!!)
Jar Jar Binks - the Infamous Jamaican with the swaggering walk the walk and talk the talk
Female Jabba the Hutt!!! - With BREASTS!!! Need I say more?
ET???? They actually had ET (s) in this flick???
ANAKIN SKYWALKER
Oh dear oh dear oh dear. This is the future Darth Vader? Darth Vader is a VIRGIN BIRTH? He was created by intelligent bacteria? Darth doesn't have a Dad? Or is God his Dad? No wonder he becomes mentally unstuck and starts killing the Universe! Darth Vader is The One??? Is he Christ? It seems LucasFilm modeled Anakin's beginnings on the creation of Jesus Christ! Utter Blasphemy! Seeing him as a cute little blonde sprite running around squealing "Yippeeee!" and "Do'h!!!" is just unbelievably bad.
MIDICHLORIANS
YE-IKES!!! The mystical power of the Force is reduced to 'intelligent bacteria' that is so smart it can manufacture the birth of The One Darth!!! Which means your potential to become a Jedi is simply by the number of bacteria floating around in your blood. This hole in the plot is so huge anything stupid now becomes possible!
For example:
If you inject a few extra midichlorians into your blood it will increase your jedi powers.
Someone with minimal number of midichlorians (non Jedi) has a blood transfusion with lots of midichlorians in it - wallah! They're now a Jedi!
How could the Jedi become extinct (and the Sith for that matter) when its only the bacteria in their blood that makes them a Jedi or Sith? Does that actually mean: The MIDICHLORIANS become extinct, rendering the Jedi or sith Powerless?
If midichlorians are so intelligent, if they 'have a bad attitude' ie "Yo dude, get with the program, man, you are like, so totally uncool, you dont rock, like you know?" they get p***ed off and decide to turn you into a Sith out of spite?
Amazing... this red and black face-painted guy is plastered on all the TPM paraphanallia - and he gets less than 10 minutes worth of screen time! He says a total of maybe 3 lines one of them being "Yes, my Master" and thats it! No background, no reason why he's even there (except the evil-looking bad buy for the Jedi knights to fight since they whup ass on the stupid droids anyway). Yaaawn. If you put horns on a character he instantly becomes an evil bad guy. Darth Maul may be able to fight but he is nothing but a very boring cliche. Well, they did get a stunt man to play Darth Maul, so its no wonder they didn't bother to develop his character.
OVER USE OF COMPUTER GENERATED IMAGES (CGI)
CGI, CGI, CGI! Big deal. Seen it once, you seen it a million times. Whats real scary (aside from Leonardo Dicaprio maybe playing Anakin Skywalker in TPM part II) is that Lucas could be planning on doing away with live actors altogether and making them CGI! YE-IKES!!! Jar Jar Binks Strikes Back! The human actors simply disappear into this mish mash of CGI characters and scenes and actually become the co stars.
CGI is fine when not over used to total annoyance but we didnt need to see scenes like (yaaaaawnnnn)
The travel through the Naboo planet
The boring pod race - we KNOW whose gonna win this.
Jar Jar Binks
Gungun City, fake Naboo and Coruscant cities (much too clean and sparkling)
DIALOGUE AND PLOT
Oh dear! This whole movie is suitable for young children only, or those who require a story handed to them on a silver platter! The Noble Jedi say things like "I have a bad feeling about this" and adorable little Ani says "Ooops" and "Now THIS is pod racing!" Worst of all we hear Jar Jar Binks say "How Wude" at least 3 times! There are holes littered throughout the whole plot - C3p0 is created by Anakin and this isn't mentioned in the previous 3 movies. Artoo detoo is Anakins co pilot yet has no memory of ever being Darth Vader's pilot in prev 3 flicks. Technology seems waaay too advanced (droid battleships, tanks, etc) to tbe he the prequel to the other movies. Why doesnt the Empire use droids instead of human soldiers then? (no CGI existed in the 70s!!) Amidala and Li'l Ani? Bit of a age difference between them I think!
AND NOW ON TO STAR WARS: ATTACK OF THE CLONES! STARRING N'SYNC!!!
MOFF JERJERROD!!!
"WHAT? DRILL A HOLLOW POINT THROUGH HIS FREAKIN' HEAD!"
Its about, ho humm, Moff Jerjerrod!
CLICK ON HIS PORTRAIT!
I, hmm haa, was surfing the net one day and found this
rather interesting site.....
GO HERE IF YOU DARE....
Ho, hum, like who cares already...?
AHHH, OKAY THEN...
The official Star Wars Page!!
Did you know its, hmmm, Michael Pennington? ...No?
CHECK THIS OUT...
AND THIS ONE TOO!
HERE'S ANOTHER ONE!!
A NEW ADDITION
Go back to Dr Sky Tower's OFFICE
WOW!!