| WHAT, STILL MORE SHORT CIRCUIT? |
| SOMEBODY WANTS TO GETS EVEN Johnny Five crouched in front of a rack of electronic parts for stereos, his silhuette distorted against the sunlight flooding in through the frosted front window of the store. It cast misshapen shadows across the rear of the smokey room, and caused Fred to squint. The way Johnny squatted there made it look like he was angry, downcast and sullen. Fred guessed he was. Now that the robot boy had his power supply restored, he could reflect on the beating he'd received by Oscar and the two thugs who worked for him. He told Fred what Oscar's henchmen did to him. How they brutally attacked him with a fire axe and crowbar while he lay on the ground disorientated, helpless, and incapable of defending himself. The horrendous damage would've been fatal if Fred hadn't found him. Then Johnny told Fred about the young woman who came to him, how she stopped him giving up and dying right there. "Like an angel," he said dreamily. "Sounds like a guardian angel," suggested Fred. "You must've had an out of body experience, Five." "...Out of body experience? Need more input." Fred explained. Johnny nodded. "Guess that makes me alive, right?" "If I'd been there, Five, I would've kicked their asses to hell and back." "Yeah..." uttered Johnny. "Cruel bastards. They'll get what's coming to them. Don't you worry, Five!" Fred gave his shoulder a reassuring pat. "Are you feeling better now?" Johnny still ached in his joints. "Approximinately seventy present - president - percent repaired," he tried to turn his head and his broken neck piston creaked audibly. The pain was horribly sharp and biting. He couldn't turn his head 180 degrees any longer. "Derf, why did Rasco lie to me? Try to dissassemble me?" Fred glanced up, slightly confused. "Rasco...? Oh, Oscar. Well, the jewels, man. They're enough to make the sanest man go totally insane with greed. They're probably worth... well, who knows." Johnny uttered a sigh. "Thirty-seven million eight hundred and sixty two lardols." Fred whistled. "I thought my friend he was! Am naive, gullable, shlamial..." Johnny shook his head briefly. Not too hard, he still had his pounding headache. It didn't help to improve his sour mood. "Lesson number one. Can't trust anybody," Fred lectured the young robot. "I trust you," Johnny said. "...Now." "Well, you shouldn't," Fred admonished him. "I wouldn't trust me. My own grandmother doesn't trust me. I tried to cash in on you, too." Johnny raised his eyeflaps in confusion. Humans were so cruel to each other. They treated life like it was worthless trash, and they were obsessed with themselves. Greed dominated human minds and they schemed on each other, looking for ways of taking advantage of others, giving nothing in return. Yet at the same time, humans were so compassionate, giving and loving. Like Stephanie Speck, Johnny's best friend. She loved him and cared for him, and he loved her. She taught him everything he knew, and he wanted to see her again. He missed her badly and it made him feel lonelier than he'd ever been. Johnny sighed. "Humans are so plicomplicated." He looked depressed. Fred made a poor attempt to cheer him up. "Oh, c'mon, buddy. Don't take it so hard. Welcome to life in the big city. Sucks, huh?" Johnny looked down. "Geez, Oscar took at me. And I'm the big conman. He locked me and Benny up in a freezer full of frozen Chinese... squids. The smell of those things really get to you after a few hours of being locked in with them. I will never touch seafood again..." Johnny glanced up sharply. "He LOCKED you up?" he asked. His voice had a sudden accusing tone to it that made Fred peer at him in surprise. "He did not smash, crush, dent, mangle you?" Fred felt the robot boy's anger permeating every word he uttered. He paused, uncertain, before he blurted out his answer. "No, he... he just wanted us out of the way," he finally admitted. "He couldn't just kill us, Five. Or he would've been had up for mur -" "Yeah, surrre," interrupted Johnny in a low growling voice. His eyeflaps drew together and his eye reddened fiercely. Fresh anger washed over his weary mind and he didn't try to stop it. "Kidnap the humans, huh, and DESTROY THE MACHINE!" Johnny spun around and rammed his elbow back into one of the shelves. It toppled over, and portable radios, cd players and mini-stereos smashed to satisfying pieces on the floor. Fred stepped back quickly, hands held defensively in front of him. Johnny rolled toward another rack, snatching several items from it. He suddenly thought of an idea that could put the wind up the butts of his assailants. His so-called friends the Los Locos street gang had dressed him up punk style. He felt cool and sassy after they did that to him. So Johnny welded spikes and pointy studs to his shoulders and arms. He wrapped chains around his body. He wanted to make himself appear more threatening, like a bad-ass robotic road warrior. He wanted to make the thugs remember him. And they would. Once he'd finished dealing with them. Especially Oscar. Definitely Oscar. "Allllright," Johnny snarled. "Let's party." But Fred planted himself nervously in Johnny's path. Has Five lost his mind? "Hey, hey, c'mon Five. Take it easy! You're okay now, aren't you?" Johnny glared at him, he'd straightened to his full height, and now towered menacingly over the man. Fred tried not to show how intimidated he felt. With his new 'road-warrior' look, Johnny's menace increased. "Not human, but am a lifeform! Have soul! And guardian angel! But he may kill to try..." "I believe you, Five! You're a lifeform, okay? But what do you think you're gonna do?" Johnny spared him a brief glance. "Huh? What do you THINK I'm gonna do!" he felt his rage grow redder by the minute. But he calmly reiterated himself. "Pursue! Capture! Incarcerate!" Fred's brow creased. "Now, c'mon Five! These are serious guys! You're not in top form and your backup battery's used up. I mean, look at you. You can barely hold your head up!" he motioned with his hand in front of Johnny's one-eyed face. The robot boy barely took any notice. So he put both hands on the droid's shoulders, forcing him back. "I ain't gonna take the crap from Ben if you collapse and die after I let you rush off and chase them down." Johnny cocked his head at the man. He really sounded concerned for him. So he stuttered, "I'm okay - kay, just a few bugs - bugs bunny to work out, in, out, in... perfectly functionality, FUNCTIONALITY!" Fred slapped his hand to his forehead in exasperation. "Christ, this is like taking the keys off the drunk and he insists he can drive... DAMN IT FIVE! Listen to yourself! You sound like a drunken WINO! You can't even TALK straight!" Johnny had finally had enough of being ordered around, told what to do. He was no slavomatic! He wrenched Fred forward, seized him by the arms and hoisted him right off the floor. But he controlled his fury and put on one of his cute, comical impersonations instead. That helped with his ferocious mood. "Derf, a lifeform's gotta do what a lifeform's gotta do," it sounded just like John Wayne's voice but Fred was too terrified to make any comment. "Stand aside!" Johnny threw Fred against an electronics rack. Shelf and human crashed to the floor. THE ROAD WARRIOR POLTEGEIST! "Woah!" Frederick Ritter cried while he clung to Johnny Five, hands clutching at his shoulders. "I don't like this mode of travel, Five!" He balanced himself precariously on the back of Johnny's treads and tried not to upset the young robot's centre of gravity. He didn't feel like wiping out in the middle of congested Downtown Avenue. Johnny hitched a free ride on a bus, his fingers clamped onto the back bumper while he rolled along behind it. When the bus turned out of Downtown Avenue, he loosened his grip, spied a station wagon heading in the same direction as his prey, and fired his grappling hook at it. The magnetic clamp quickly adherred to the rear bumper of that car and Johnny reeled himself in. He allowed the to vehicle pull him along so he wouldn't need to rely on his own power. Dodging in and out of traffic this way, Johnny could move fast and efficiently, and still keep his quarry in sight. He felt his human passenger crouch, terrified, behind his back. "Don't worry," Johnny drawled. "My cousin was a Harley Davidson." "Yeah?" Fred snorted. "And my aunt was the Queen of England." They both saw the white Toyota screech onto a back street and head at high speed in the direction of the wharves. The thugs had already noticed the two pursuing them and took evasive action. "Is heading for airport," said Johnny knowingly. His electronic brain had already mapped and calculated the direction the cowards took, the most obvious one being a back route to the airport. That had an 89 percent possibility. Johnny contemplated climbing down into the sewer and chasing his targets from underground. He'd read utility books in the bookstore on the city's sewer system, but then he saw another car heading in the same direction as Oscar and his cronies. He hitched himself a new ride and blisfully ignored Fred's unhelpful protests. At least we're not pursuing them via sewer tunnel! Wouldn't that give him something to complain about! Oscar glanced back, fighting to suppress his increasing sense of panic. He didn't need to suffer a thrombosis right now! Hadn't his two henchmen beaten the mechanical fiend into a pulverised metal pulp? Saunders and Schmendrics argued over which way would be the quickest route, but Oscar paid them no attention. He wiped away drops of sweat beading his pasty forehead. He looked furtively back again. They didn't beat that robot bastard bad enough to kill him afterall! I'm certain I heard his cries! I saw him lying there like the junkpile he is after he made those model airplanes scare us off! "Where are you going, Schmendrics?" Saunders peered wildly around. "Why aren't we going to the airport? Why the docks?" Schmendrics was the only calm one among them. Nothing fazed him unless it rolled on treads and had a head shaped like a DVD player. With saucer-shaped bug eyes. Beating the freak into a pile of robot rubble was a memory he would cherish the rest of his life. It would also be a fond memory to tell his grand kids in his old age. Oscar no longer saw the robot pursuing them. If that thing's still alive, he won't stop until he's hunted us down and killed our asses! Especially after what we did to him! Which meant the robot would allow nothing to stop him. Oscar clutched the sports bag containing its precious cargo to his portly chest. "Get to the airport!" he bellowed. "Now!" "I've just taken a detour, okay?" Schmendrics drawled. "That robot asswipe'll never find us now. We lost his ass." Suddenly he found his way blocked by construction vehicles doing roadworks. An electronics sign flashed brightly and pointed right. "Go around them!" Saunders said. "Yeah, yeah." Schmendrics replied while he did a hard right turn. The directional sign led him right - into a junkyard that went utterly nowhere. An enormous eighteen-wheeler truck came to an abrupt stop as it headed out of the yard. Schmendrics hit the brakes hard. Everyone jerked forward. "Jesus!" Oscar yelled. "We lost him. Why's everyone so nervous?" "You're underestimating that thing!" Saunders hissed. "It's here! I know it is!" "What's flown up your butthole, Saunders?" the big man asked dangerously. The whiny computer tech had his reasons for being so nervous. He didn't trust the mechanical abhorration. He had no way of knowing what it was fully capable of. It was Johnny Five who used his multi-frequency antenna to remote control the roadworks sign so the electronic arrow pointed in the direction of the junkyard. Then Johnny fouled up the transmission on the truck so it would trap the thugs' car inside the yard. Their only escape would be back the way they came - which would be right through him. Having been struck by their vehicle once, Johnny would not allow that to happen again. "Get off, Derf," he ordered, motioning with his head. "Wait here. Have unfinished business to settle with old friends of mine." Fred stepped to the ground, relieved to be on terra firma again. He watched in disbelief while Johnny casually rolled toward the yard. Fred darted forward and pulled Johnny back by his arm. "Five, stop! They'll see you!" "Won't do nothing when I do THIS!" Johnny growled. He bent his head forward, his antenna flicked to life - "Doors are open," announced the computer voice in the dashboard. "What?" Schmendrics said. "No they're not!" "Windows are down." "Come again?" Saunders asked incredulously. Without warning, the radio turned on and blared at full volume. The earsplitting racket drowned all other sounds around the thieves. It changed stations crazily. The window wipers and blinkers turned on. The headlights flared. The front seats pitched back and forth, throwing Saunders and Schmendrics against the dashboard, then yanking them back. The seatbelts tightened, trapping them in their seats. The engine revved at full power, yet the car just sat there. "P - P - P - " Saunders shrieked inanely, "...We've been possessed by a... POLTEGIEST!" Oscar clamped his hands over his ears. The radio shrieked, it was twice as loud in the back seat. "YOU'RE..." he clearly heard words in the midst of the blaring. "...GOING..." how could it be? The radio was speaking! "... NOWHERE... BOZOS!!" "AARGH!" Oscar roared. "Turn that damn thing off!" "It IS off!" Saunders cried. Suddenly the back end of the car shuddered - and lifted off the ground! "MUMMMY!" Saunders screamed while his seat relentlessly yanked him back and threw him forward. Oscar pitched into Schmendrics' seat as it came back to smack him in the face. He bellowed and fell down into the small space between front and back seat. "Five, what are you doing?" Fred whispered, peering nervously from behind construction equipment at the entrance to the junkyard. "Pumping iron," Johnny answered curtly. Fred's mouth fell open. Johnny Five held the car up by its rear bumper, back wheels suspended in midair! It couldn't go anywhere, not when the back end was now nearly seven feet off the ground, held aloft and immobile by the immense strength Johnny possessed in his long slender arms! He twisted his lower body and rolled sideways on his treads, turning the vehicle with him, so it now pointed toward a fence with construction equipment stacked behind it. The robot boy lowered the end of the car down. "All systems are go," he announced, taking his hands away. "We have lift off!" Oscar and his thugs took off like a jet-propelled missile. They crashed through the fence, hit a parked vehicle, and sailed gracelessly into the air. Two hours later they came back down to earth. They landed on the roof of another car in a spectacular explosion of shredding metal and engine parts. A group of workmen hurried over to assist the three occupants from the wreckage. Johnny Five rolled in through the knocked-down fence. "Tu madre hace amor con mi perro," he taunted his enemies. "Suck on this, bozos." He made a fist and flipped the one-handed bird in dazed Schmendrics' direction. Blood drooled down the big thug's face from new gashes in his head and he'd busted a couple of ribs. He saw Johnny Five, saw his new road-warrior look and heard his insults. The ugly look in his eyes darkened. That damn heap of scrap tried to kill us! I'll make sure I finish the f*cking job this time! "Give me that," he snatched a crowbar from a startled workman's hands. "I'll deal with you, f*cking jerkoff," he glared at the cowering, bleeding Saunders. "Come on. Let's finish this asshole droid. This time I'll make sure I turn him into little metal shavings. Small enough so they can't be glued back together." It didn't provoke the response he was hoping for. But Johnny wouldn't let himself be goaded. "You feeling lucky, punk?" he taunted. "You f*cking bugeyed geek," Schmendrics took the bait. "You one UGLY mutha," Johnny snarled back, his tone low and threatening. The two thugs circled Johnny warily while he turned, his functional eye fixed on Schmendrics, the more dangerous of the pair. Suddenly Schmendrics darted forward, hurled himself on Johnny Five, and smashed down on him with his weapon. Johnny feinted sideways, the thug missed him, and Johnny slammed his open hand against Schmendric's back, causing him to pitch forward. The man stumbled, tripped over his feet and fell heavily to the muddy ground on his front. Johnny snatched an iron bar from a pile of rubble. He waited patiently for Schmendrics to get up. He wasn't the sort of robot to hit people when they were down. "Whassa matter?" he teased. "You givin' up already, dude?" "F... F..." Schmendric's hackles raised in utter rage. "F*CK you!" He leapt to his feet, lay into Johnny again and rained one blow after another on him. Johnny countered his attacks by holding both ends of his own crowbar, letting that take the worst of the barrage. It began bending in the middle from the thug's attacks. Oscar took this opportunity to make his silent, hasty exit. The robot's gonna win this fight, he mused. Stupid machine's wised up to us! Not so stupid afterall! He learned from the first beating we gave him, now he knows how to fight back! Suddenly he found his way barred. "Where d'you think you're goin', Speedy?" Frederick Ritter! Lousy con artist hasbeen! Oscar lashed out, fist flying. But Fred caught his fist and slammed him back against the wreckage of his car. He'd learned how to fight back, too. "Watch it, Dink. You're outmatched." Schmendrics could feel himself tiring. The earlier beating he'd dealt to Johnny, and his injuries from the crash, was contributing to him slowing down. He should've taken up those free boxing classes after all. Now it was Johnny's turn to take the offensive. Schmendrics found himself steadily forced back with every strike Johnny landed on his parried weapon. The robot boy was aware of Schmendric's growing exhaustion, but the human tried valiantly to conceal it. "You know what I'm gonna do to you?" Schmendrics growled while he and Johnny wrestled one way and the other, crowbars locked together. Johnny shoved him backward. "Tell your mamma!" he let go of his weapon and Schmendrics fell heavily to the ground. His look of humiliated rage slowly turned to fear. "Saunders, you useless bastard! Help me!" Johnny loomed threateningly over him. Saunders had to do something! If he didn't the robot freak would most likely kill Schmendrics, and Saunders didn't want to witness that! "Hey you, Freakazoid!" he bleated at the robot. Like Oscar, he knew how much the machine had wised up to their brutality. He'd rather avoid receiving the beating he deserved, thankyou. But maybe he could distract the bug-eyed geek long enough so Schmendrics could take him down from behind. They got away with it the first time, why not again? "I got an error message for you!" Johnny spun around. "Whaaaat?" he snarled, his attention now diverted from helpless Schmendrics. "Your cold tubes need major upgrading!" Saunders shouted. "You're an obselete piece of junk!" Johnny Five straightened up and put his hands up to his head. He waved them back and forth. "Oh, I'm like, just SOOO upset, you know?" he said teasingly, impersonating Goofy's dopy voice. He didn't see Schmendrics creep quietly to his feet, directly behind him. IT'S ASS KICKING TIME! (part four) HAD ENOUGH? GO HOME! |
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