DR SKY TOWER'S FUNNY LISTS

Hmm, haa, here a few of my favourite lists of funny things, enough to make even a hmmm, neurotic elevator patient of mine laugh!

The deep Southern Hillbillie's (or Westie Aucklanders') Medical Terminology for the Layman

Artery - The study of fine paintings         

Barium - What you do when CPR fails      

Colic - A type of sheepdog      

Ceaserean Section - A district in Rome

Coma - A Punctuation Mark  

Congenital - Friendly!!!

Dilate - To live long

G.I. Series - Baseball games between teams of soldiers

Hangnail - A coathook

Grippe - A suitcase

Medical staff - A doctor's cane

Minor Operation - Coal digging

Nitrate- Lower-than-day rate

Morbid - A higher offer

Organic- Church musician

Node - Was aware of

Post operative- A letter carrier

Outpatient - A person who has fainted

Secretion- Hiding anything

Protein - In favour of young people

Urine - Opposite of you're out

Tablet - A small table

Benign- What you are after you be eight

Varicose Veins - Veins which are very close together

TOP 15 EXCUSES TO GIVE IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK

15. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen..."

14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last management course you sent me to...."

13. "Whew!! I guess I left the top off the liquid paper."

12. "I wasn't sleeping! I was just meditating on the Mission Statement and envisioning a new Paradigm!"

11. "This is one of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People!"...pause... "You HAVE read Franklin Covey's book have you?"

10. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance."

9.   "Ahhhm... Actually just doing a 'Stress Level Exercise Elimination Plan' (SLEEP) learned at the last MANDATORY seminar YOU made me attend."

8.   "I was doing a highly specific yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminating towards people who practice yoga???"

7.   "DARN!!! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

6.   "The coffee machine is broken..."

5.   "Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot...."

4.   "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

3.   "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the work-a-holic!"

2.   "...Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up my contact lenses with my hands..."

And the No#1 Best Excuse to give if you're caught sleeping at your desk....

1. "AMEN."