Christian Dating: What's it all about?
Is there such a thing as Christian dating? And what would be God's concept of dating? These questions are in the minds of thousands of single Christians; even I struggle with what is right or wrong, due to the fact that the bible is not clear upon the subject. Dating is basically a gray area, but there are different biblical examples of intimate man-woman relationships.
The first and earliest romantic couple that the bible mentions is Jacob and Rachel. Imagine having to work 14 years for your uncle, for lets be clear they were cousins, and after being cheated the first time (first set of 7 years) and having to wait 14 years, being madly in love for the bible says in Genesis 29:18:"Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, "I'll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel"." We know for a fact that Jacob did not have sexual intercourse with Rachel before his wedding. Why? Because later on in verse 21, after his first 7 years has ended he asks her hand in marriage so that, to be honest, have sexual intercourse with her. What can we learn from this story?
1. True love relationships before marriage are not based on sex, rather on effort, perseverance, and commitment.
2. A romantic relationship, as in a girlfriend-boyfriend, is in essence this: Two friends that already knowing they love each other begin to prepare themselves to walk on a road that will ultimately lead them to marriage.� This can be as short as 2 months to 14 years; a fianc�e relationship is the step that really prepares you for marriage.
3.A boy/girlfriend relationship is not any different from a friendship, just more emotionally and spiritually intimate.
There is one other relationship that we can speak of that romance is involve. That is the story of Ruth and Boaz. Here we find the same elements or similar elements of Jacob and Rachel's story. Now what is this type of relationship that we are speaking of? If you were to look at a couple of kids, in what we call "puppy love", they don't have sex or go to movies to make out or anything like that. It is pure and non sexual. Even their kisses are tender and don't have any sexual connotation. This is basically what God wants out of us as Christians. The bible says that unless we are like little children we will not enter the kingdom of heaven. So, let's be this way; we are the light of the world, the salt of the earth. We should behave, at least in this way, as royalty would. We must treat our partners with utmost courtesy, etiquette and manners; we should place them above ourselves. At all times this means to be courteous and respectful of each other and above all be aware that God knows even the intentions of our hearts.
[1]Now what are some does and don'ts for us as Christians while out on a date, and what should be our behavior when in a relationship?
1.Humor is a great thing, but keep it clean; don't condone sexual, ethnic or color jokes.
2.Show a sincere interest and pride in the achievements of your date.
3.Know something about world affairs or what's going on in your area so you can make an intelligent conversation
4.Choose entertainment that you both like and that is acceptable by God's standards.
5.If your date chooses a wholesome activity but one that you have never done before, be willing to try something new.
a.Wholesome:promoting health or well-being of mind or spirit.
6.Say thank you when you are paid a compliment. Try no tot giggle.
7.Be polite to his or her friends.
8.Girls should be ladies and guys should be gentlemen.
9. Be a good listener
10.Don't be possessive
11. Don't be too eager or aggressive
12. Don't call too often and become a pest
13.Don't talk about former boyfriends/girlfriends
14. Don't show attention to another guy or girl while you are on a date
15.Don't be rude to former girlfriends/boyfriends
16. Don't be a know-it-all
17.Don't brag
18. Don't break a date for a better one
19.Don't romanticize or fantasize about the actors or actresses in a movie
20.Don't be a flirt
21.Don't pout
22.Don't be loud or make a scene
23.Don't criticize your date's choice of friends
24.Don't criticize a former date
25.Don't gossip or betray a confidence.
Also when you are in a romantic relationship, be sure to remind yourself of this concept: A relationship is not about 2 people but actually of three. When we take God out of the equation, we take love out with it and we replace it basically with our own views and leave the door open for sexual immorality and other things that destroy the relationship.
Let's talk a little bit now about kissing. Christians in general think that it is okay to kiss in every manner that has been invented. Sure French kissing is fun but we have to be careful about our body's reaction to it. �Even if we ourselves don't want to admit it we are flesh and bone spiritual beings that feel, that love. We have to be extra careful not to incite our partner in any sexual way.
The apostle Paul, while writing to the Corinthians (1 Corinthians 5: 9-13) said the following: "I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people; not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.
What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked man from among you."
In other words, Christians should definitely not date non-Christians and it even goes further to state that we should not associate with Christians who are deeply indwelled in sexual immorality; that includes date them. Look what Paul says in 1Thessalonians 4:3-5:� "It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God"  Basically what God wants is a holy relationship that pleases Him. Remember we are God's children and He is also our Master and we are His servants, therefore our bodies do not belong to us but to Him to do as He pleases.
[2]Let's find out what is sexual immorality. Sexual immorality is pathological sexual conduct characterized by a deviation towards the object of sexuality or the means to satisfy it. In other words the act of fornication; fornication is the act of having sexual relationships outside of marriage.
Now that we know what fornication is, what actions that we young people do entail or fall under perversion? Let's start by making clear that there are 4 points that delineate acts of perversion:
1. Fornication- Sexual immorality
2. Sex between humans and animals
3.Homosexuality
a. Homosexuals
b. Lesbians
c.Bisexuals
4.Acts against nature
a.Masturbation
b. Alcoholism
c. Addictions
d. Murder
e. Rape
f.Evil
g.Bad Jealousy
h. Infidelity
In conclusion, as Christians we should avoid sexual immorality in our relationships; this means to avoid places were such activities are being held that might incite our lust. We are called to be the light of the world and the salt of the earth, let us be this, lets be examples of what true love and true relationships are all about. Caring for one another, and looking out for one another so that we might not fall in the temptation of lust. A very good idea would be to have someone hold both of you accountable, a pastor, or a counselor, preferably someone who is an adult, married, and has kids and that is not a family member.
[1] Taken from the book, Social Skills Survival Guide- June Hines Moore
[2] Please for more information about sexual immorality refer to the English version of the document.
*It should be mentioned that there are exceptions to the no dating a non-christian, but that is the rarest of cases, thus we should strive to not do this.
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