Brush my teeth, eat my cereal, comb my hair, drink orange juice.
Is this the right way to start my day?
I have forgotten the right sequence.
So long I have hunted shoes and packed lunchboxes and fed the dog,
While getting dressed and ready to go.
I have really lost the formula to get it all done.
Now I stare at the clock mesmerized.
How is it an hour until I leave?
What happened here?
Adults only. No room for kids anymore.
They have flown the nest.
Swallowed up by college dorms and responsibilities.
And new apartments with toilet handles that must be jiggled,
And curtains that match.
No more room to waste on ballgames,
And Monopoly is real, not just a game.
Where did all the frantic go?
To work, I guess.
Just me and the paper and MTV to keep things lively,
And to keep in touch with reality
"Look," you whispered as you cupped your chubby hands together and ran to me in the darkening summer twilight.
"A firefly," you brought your hands close for me to peek inside. "It doesn't burn me," you bragged.
"Lightning bug," his big brother declared authoritatively. "We call them lightning bugs, not fireflies."
Your eyes lit up even brighter as you repeated, "Lightning bug." An awesome name for a small creature; an awesome word for a small boy to repeat.
"Will you help me make a ring from its light tonight? One just like Will'um? Can I keep him in my room? Where is his mama? How many brothers and sisters does he have?" Questions tumbled off your tongue one after another.
"If you make a ring out of his lighter, he will die. You can't keep it in your room. It will be a dead, yucky thing. You know you hate yucky things," big brother interrupted again.
Pain filled your eyes as you looked to me for an answer.
"It's true," I told you gently. "When you take off the part that lights up; the bug dies."
You sat down on the steps--stunned. I brought you a jar to put the lightning bug in until you decided what to do. You sat and held the creature in your hands. You sat and thought for a long time.
"Does dying hurt? Will he come back alive in the morning? Will his mother cry when he doesn't come home tonight?" Your mind was reeling with ideas.
Such a heavy decision to make.
You stood up and walked into the dark. You put your mouth close to your hands and whispered.
Then you opened your hands wide. "Good-bye, Gordon, good-bye." Your anguished voice rose into the silky night.
An option I had not thought of had come to you in your innocence.
That night--and for months afterwards--your bedtime prayers closed with, "--and God bless Gordon and all his brothers and sisters."
When I had wings, I'd soar out over the mountain tops,
And feel sorry for those earthbound below.
I'd glide past meadows and rivers,
And follow the ocean shore.
I'd hold your hand and take you along
To see everything we could spot from the air.
Oh, but now you must stay on the earth and be strong,
For those who follow your path.
My sky has no limit, no end can I see.
My imagination is all that can hinder me.
Someday you will follow along, it's true
As in the old days when we sailed skies of blue.
You will have your own fledglings to show the way.
As you teach them to fly, be sure to say,
"It was my mother who taught me to fly one day,
Just follow her course, and you'll be okay."
I will be waiting in my place, wild and free,
To help them become all you dream they will be.
ALL ABOUT YOU
When you were young, before you were even you,
I held you in my heart.
Your eyes, your voice, your name I didn't even know,
But I knew you even then.
As you grew your own self to be who you are,
I held you in my love--
Guided your steps, sang your favorite songs,
Gave you popsicles for "Broken lips."
Watched you pull and kick against everything.
Let you go, then held you dear,
Soothed your feelings, helped slay your dragons.
Sat up waiting for your key in the door.
Your music rushing into every shadow,
Telling the darkness, "Be gone!
Only happiness can live in my house."
Now as I know your are far away,
I wait for your time to come around.
Your foot on the stair, key in the door,
Loud laughter, large appetite
Consuming vast quanities of food, air, and all my space:
Just as I knew you'd be
From the places deep in my heart,
You spill out, never contained.
Never anyone but yourself.
Always who you were,
Even before I knew you
I held you in my heart then,
And always will keep you there,
My son.
In the morning,
I slipped the tight confines of the cocoon,
And waited for the breeze and sun at noon,
To dry my fragile wings.
At noontide,
I began to unfurl with careful, slow measure,
My majestic wings of gossamer.
First one, and then the other.
In early afternoon,
I lifted my feet to flex and try them,
Checked each and every stalk and limb,
While watching others catch an updraft.
Late in the day,
I lifted my wings in salute to the others,
As I found a friendly breeze to flutter,
Into the great, wild world.
Check it out.
When the chips are down,
And the moon is up,
I'll be there.
When I see a frown
On your lips or face,
I'll be there.
No matter what the day or time,
When you call,
I'll be there.
This is a promise I make to you,
From now until forever.
My body may be gone,
But this promise is true,
When you call on me,
I will answer you.
For you are my child,
And my love for you will never die,
You have my promise written to read,
But the words that are written on your heart,
Are the ones you should heed.
I'll be there.
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