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THE TOP TEN NERD ICONS Gary Gygax: This is the man who invented Dungeons and Dragons and, by extension, the hobby of role-playing games. He gave nerds a whole new reason to live beyond maths and model plane construction. Gygax also let them pretend they were mighty barbarians and charismatic rogues, picking up kidnapped princesses and busty tavern wenches. He is dangerous, and should not be approached, as is made evident in his book, "Role Playing Mastery".Captain James T. Kirk: This archetypal hero became a scion of coolness to geeks everywhere - he was clever enough to be a starship captain, and sexy enough to woo the ladies. Plus, he could fight, and was never on the receiving end of a Chinese Burn. Before Kirk came along, the only nerd hero was Einstein. A Klingon would kick Einstein's arse, and no alien babe would touch him. George Lucas: He gave those nerds unmoved by Star Trek a reasonable alternative; something to argue back with. He appears to have lost it now,with rumours of 5ive appearing in Attack of the Clones and the highly publicised Jar Jar debacle, but for a time he was a veritable giant among geeks. He wins extra points for Leia's metal bikini in Return of the Jedi. Stan Lee: The creator of such comic heavyweights as The Fantastic Four and Spider-man, founder of Marvel Comics. His inane dialogue and often senseless storylines could not detract from the mastery of his invention. He is the ubermensch of our modern mythology. Just don't tell Captain America. He also appeared in a Kevin Smith movie, with instantly pulls him up a rung or two on the nerd-worship scale. Bill Gates: He is here mainly because he shows teenage nerds that the regular beatings they are receiving at school can be no barrier to success. Also because his company's Internet Explorer allows them ready access to the bukkake and watersports sites that they crave. He is also extremely rich, and has an alright looking wife. All that said, many computer geeks hate him and all his company stands for. They like to paint themselves as rebels or something. Tolkien: For some reason, his laborious, heavily descriptive story about fat midgets going to throw a circular metal band at a mountain has inspired intense loyalty and obsession among thousands. I don't know why, I've never read it. The movie was OK. Personally, I preferred Back to the Future. Anne Rice: Heroine to the gothic strain of nerds, and author of The Vampire Chronicles. She made being a pantywaist, tragic vampire cool for a while. Now, hundreds of depressed teenagers can all don black doileys, lipstick and hair dye, write bad poetry and be 'different'. Throw bleach at them, I say! P.S. Queen of the Damned sucks! Fox Mulder: Another hip geek hero favourite. Popular not only because he is intelligent, has a Glock and routinely uncovers strange conspiracies, but also because he gets to hang out everyday with Gillian Anderson. He is also friends with 'The Lone Gunmen'. Geeks can respect that. He is also a big porn watcher, and was initially made fun of by his peers in the FBI. There's a whole empathy issue at work here. Kevin Smith: Writer and director of the 'View Askew' movies - Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. He made being a fat nerd who loves Star Wars and comics cool. This is no mean feat, and he achieves it through a mixture of swearing, drug references and a lot of dialogue. He mixes this in with the aforementioned geekish pursuits, and makes it all seem normal. He also talks about relationships a lot, but you can fast forward that crap to get back to more talk of Superman and Lois' sex life. Chasey Lain: A naughty porn star who appeared on The Bloodhound Gang's "Hooray For Boobies" album. She was also in Orgazmo. Her idea of birth control is to put her hand over her genitals during the money shot. There's nothing I don't like about that, and legions of geeks are here to back me up. She also has a pretty face, which is a plus for any porn starlet these days... |