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Cubisian News‘Harry Potter 3’ rating changed after nude Quiddich scene cut Raised eyebrows and public concern over the inclusion of a nude Quidditch game in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban have led to the contraversial scene being cut. Purist fans immediately expressed outrage, declaring, in the words of internet pundit rowling_slave_444, “This is complete bullshit. The snatch-snitch scene is integral to the plot of HPATPOA. Hollywood sells out again”. The scene, which included a four minute pan across Hermione’s naked body as Ron struggled to free the golden snitch from her vagina, was pulled amid a massive outcry from U.S. audiences. As one mother put it “I heard the Harry Potter books were good for kids. Encouraged reading and so on. If I had known that they included a spell called ‘Four Fister Twister’, I would never have let my daughter read them.” Other parent groups have argued that scenes like the one in which Harry ejaculates a rainbow are fine in books, but should be left to the imagination on the big screen. Asked for his opinion, director Alfonso Cuaron declared that the decision to cut the nude Quidditch match was taken out of his hands by the production company. “Hey, if Warner Brothers do not want to see Hermione violated completely, perhaps they will at least allow us a tasteful glimpse of her ta-tas when Ron takes her from behind in Harry Potter 4”. Insiders report that the scene in which Professor Lupin takes on wolfen form includes a shot of his erect penis, which is fully computer generated. Girl At Geek Convention Considered Hot For First Time SYDNEY: Peta Lawhead, a first-time attendee of the Supanova Pop Culture Expo, was shocked last Saturday to discover that she was receiving flirtatious attention from a number of males present. Peta, a twenty-eight year old virgin and cat lover, has never had a boyfriend, or even a date, and was “totally unprepared” for the onslaught of conversation and attempted sweet-talking from males at the event. Lawhead, who dressed up as Star Trek character ‘Seven of Nine’, had no intentions of picking up at the convention, insisting that she was just there to meet Spider-Man writer Brian Michael Bendis. What she found instead was a burgeoning fan club of nerds, geeks and furries. “I heard a guy wolf-whistle, and looked around for a girl dressed as Wonder Woman or Witchblade. Then I realised he was looking at me”. Peta did not respond to the whistle, choosing instead to lower her eyes to the floor and scurry into the queue to meet George Takei. She was further amazed when no less than three males attempted to strike up a conversation with her in that very line. “One of them told me that his archer could slay a dragon in four rounds, and a fat guy in a tight, faded South Park shirt asked me if I wanted a sip of his V drink”. Lawhead politely declined the offer. The final straw came when Bendis himself winked at her as she approached his table. Lawhead thrust out her copy of Ultimate Spiderman #1 to be autographed without further eye contact, then rushed into a nearby public toilet to calm down. She left the convention soon after, still in a state of shock. “All the questions I was going to ask [Bendis] about the Gwen Stacy plotline completely left my head. I couldn’t even speak”. Peta was only at Supanova for an hour and a half, but she was not soon forgotten by the other attendees. “Did you see that chick dressed as the Borg?”, commented 12th level mage Jacob Murray, “She was hotter than Kitiara Uth Matar! I’m gonna ask her out next year”.
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