Think about it, friend citizens! No more voting! No more carefully orchestrated political debates interrupting your favourite programmes! Say goodbye to unemployment as the Cubisian Regime cranks up industrial production and a lebensraum project (which alone should employ at least 5000 cute surfies and ski bunnies). A genus of political ideology whose mythic core in its various permutations is a palingenetic form of populist ultra-nationalism is exactly what Australia needs! Cubisian Peace Force officers will march through the streets of every major city hourly, to ensure law and order. A few dissidents might be disappeared for questioning, but rest assured that your benevolent dictator has looked after them – anyway, if you support the regime, you won’t have any trouble.

Some other policies of the Cubisian Regime will include the carpeting of the entire Middle East with nitrous oxide, forcing public transport to run on time (D’ora innanzi ogni cosa deve camminare alla perfezione), and the restoration of the national character. The restoration project will involve daily repeats of Kingswood Country, compulsory Rolf Harris sing-a-longs and enjoyment of Dame Edna. The only authors taught in schools will be Patrick White, Clive James, H.G. Nelson, Peter Minack and yearly studies of my upcoming guidebook to life – The Big Pie. Further, everyone will be expected to be tanned, eat damper and lamingtons, and enjoy cutting down tall poppies. This process will be assisted by the ritual planting of poppies on the 14th of every month. Of course, I shall need to be immune from the tall poppy syndrome for leadership reasons, and as such will be employing three sporting ministers: one for cricket, one for football (all codes) and one for tennis. I shall appear in international matches in the same manner as Commodus fought gladiators in Rome.

Our current flag will be put into the upper left corner of our new flag, which will involve the Eureka Stockade southern cross, but with wombats instead of stars. Cute little wombats. Maybe the background could be green or something. Imants Tillers can design it. Also, our national anthem will be changed from the tired ‘Advance Australia Fair’ to the more upbeat and friendly ‘C’mon Aussie C’mon’, which just beat out ‘Shaddup Your Face’ and Austen Tayshus’s ‘Australiana’ in the Cubisian think tank.

You more enlightened readers may be wondering how ‘neofascism’ differs from simple, old-fashioned fascism. The answer lies in the subtle incorporation of feudalism. The hierarchy of neofascism will have me at the top (natch!). The next rung will be held by corporations such as McDonald’s or . Everyone in Australia will be assigned a rank based on a national lottery, and will occupy the corresponding rung in society. Artists, for example, will be employed by the McDonald’s corporation to design Happy Meal containers, whilst writers will have no dearth of creative input into advertising slogans and campaigns. Of course, there will be only one or two choices for each product, as competition is not really in the spirit of neofascism, but advertising will still be important for letting the people know how lucky they are to live in a sunburnt country. I have heard that the broad mass of a nation will more easily fall victim to a big lie than to a small one, and as such I will also declare that we will be the most prosperous and happy nation in the solar system! Choose Life! Choose Fascism!