Wal-Mart Shit

If you try to tell me you've never heard of Wal-Mart, I'm going to stab you in the neck with a pen because you're lying. But how many of you really know what goes on in the mind of a Wal-Hell associate? My intention here is to give you a glimpse into my daily work life so that you will not make the same dreadful mistakes as some of the poor fools you will read about here.

^ This is a creation from Stephen. It's exactly what every day at the service desk is like. People fail to realize, even though Wal-Mart was created almost 40 years ago, that the service desk is for returns, exchanges, and money services. Don't you like the rendering of the guy with a bald spot/mullet and the frail, shaky crackhead in the background wanting to check out at an area that is not a checkout? Hilarious! ABOVE RIGHT: Found on the internet, basically proves my point.

<This was my doing... Sometimes I really feel this way, except that in this scenario, I am not the CSM lol.

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This is a rant about a scenario (really happened) and my comparison, which could happen provided a person with a low enough IQ tried it...

ACTUAL SCENARIO:

CUSTOMER: I want to return this air mattress and this shop vac that I have no receipt for.
JOMPZ: I can allow an exchange for equal merchandise, or a store credit, whichever you prefer.
C: I can't have cash?
J: (Thinking "Did I say you could have cash, dumb bitch?") No ma'am, I can only issue an equal exchange or store credit.
C: But there is nothing wrong with either item.
J: I'm sorry, ma'am. The shop vac has been used... there is dirt on it and no paperwork in the box, so my manager tells me that I can't accept it as a return.
C: Why not?
J: Because it's been used...
C: I only used it a few times and once to clean up water out of my garage...
J: (Rolls eyes)
C: I can't have like, ten dollars or anything? C'mon, I spend my 'hard-earned dollars' in this place and you can't even do cash back on it?
J: Not without a receipt proving you bought it here. You could have gotten it anywhere. Furthermore, why would I refund only ten dollars and the rest on store credit?
C: Because I need gas money.
J: (THINKING "And the truth shall set you free...")
J: I'm sorry ma'am. Without a receipt, you are out of luck. I'll turn your issue over to the next CSM, as my shift is ending... (translates as "I don't give a shit...")

COMPARISON SCENARIO (with Jompz playing role of customer)

CAR SALESMAN (S): Can I help you today?
JOMPZ: I would like to return this car that I purchased.
S: Do you have your original bill of sale?
J: No.
S: Can you prove you bought the car here?
J: It's a Honda. This is a Honda dealership.
S: You are aware that you can't just drive a car for almost two years and then return it, right?
J: Wal-Mart does it.
S: (Thinking "what a dumb fucker.")
J: I mean, it's been used... and the steering wheel is missing... but I spend my 'hard-earned dollars' here all the time and that means you should just do it."
S: I'm going to have to turn your issue over to the sales manager, as you have given me the worst craving for nicotine that I have ever experienced.

Notorious F.E.W. < The customers that torture me daily.

LAST UPDATED: Thursday, 06/02/2005 12:23 PM