When he tells me he loves me why do I feel so numb? Why is it that only the things that distress me have the ability to bring me to tears? Is it possible that I have guarded my heart so carefully that happiness can't bring me to tears of joy? Or could it be that I am still waiting for true happiness and my unconscious mind is smarter than my consciousness.
Why is it some days I just feel like going crazy and saying F*** it all??
My pages will live on long after I cease to exist.
My grandchildren and even their grandchildren will have these pages to remember me by. That someone in this family had enough courage and confidence to leave her mark where millions could see it. To reveal herself wholly without shame or embarrassment in hope that maybe someone would appreciate and even learn from these pages. That one voice could be heard.
So that others in the darkness will have somewhere to go to reflect, perhaps not to play or to learn, but to ponder and to realize that someone else has already related to their torments as well as their joys and their deep, not-of-this-world passionate hearts.
Do YOU have the courage to leave behind part of yourself even if subject to criticism and even ridicule? To open yourself up to the world? I doubt it. You are too "practical" and "levelheaded" (i.e., boring and forgettable).
So call me shallow and egotistical... if you have nothing better to do.... "if your slate is clean, then you can throw stones....."
I am a solitary and private person who is just SICK OF IT ALL !! Someone in this world has to know and understand because some people are too ignorant to bother.
