I find my self on the most beautiful Island and after being here but a short time I find I have made many friends at least as close as you could call friends to me a mere slave.. I was sold by the one who brought me to this place shortly after arriving to a Sir Carazzi who bestowed me as a gift to Black Warlock who was a kind and caring master tho I saw him not much as he is a very busy man helping his friends and the ones you can see he cars for so much.. I say was as I entered one day into the dome to find I had been wagered on a duel between Black Warlock and Sir Carazzi and was once more returned to Sir Carazzi (his friends call him Alterio as do many) I find he is a most generous and kind master for he has ordered that I purchase a wardrob for myself as I have been doing and enjoying it emensly.
Tho I do fear that I am becoming spoiled to some degree as I am given more freedom and allowed so much free time here on this Isle, I have allowed my self to be come Laxed in the ways of my training and have upset my master a bit on this matter. I will have to keep my self more to the training I was so brutly taught as a young girl.. and I keep telling myself over and over the slaves creed...Your Master Is your life he owns your life your body and your soul... You serve your master in all things with question or hesitation ... I have got to keep this in my mind always
....My master has arranged for me to be guarded when he is not present and my guards do look out for me at all times I sometimes feel a bit like a bird in a guilded cage I am dressed in the most beautiful gowns from Vixens boutiqe and am allowed to socialize in the dome but am kept from even being showed the comman cortesy of a man paying his respects and kissing my hand for it has been orderd No one is to lay hands on me in any fashion and so I keep myself perfumed and dressed properly and sit awaiting my masters commands under the watchful eyes of my guards..
--Journal Entry, 15 May, Jasmin Rose, Slavegirl to Sir Carazzi
Dear Journal,
I am writing today, because I am scared. I do not know what is going on with me. I should be happy. And I am. But I have been having moments, were I snap at everyone for no reason. Cry, overly sensitive. And I am not like this usually. I got on Crimson Warlord the other night, and he did nothing to me.
Now ... well now he is gone, and I can not even apologize. Poor Crimson. He was a very sweet soul. And was very kind to me. May he find his peace in his new celestial home.
~sighs rubbing her temples~
Why does everyone have to die? Everyone we care about, they always go away. You spend your entire life giving all the love you possibly have inside of you to someone, and they always go away. Be it family, loves or friends. They always go away. I am ~so~ afraid of these feelings that have been going on inside of me. So afrid to let someone know. afraid if I do, they might think I am crazy. Or worse, they may leave me. I do not want anyone else to leave me. My mother left me. The one that was ~always~ there for me. The one I could ~always~ turn to.
Then Alex left me. Showing me that if he ~truly~ cared about me, he would have stayed here with me through it all. Then Alterio, he is becoming someone I dispise. And I do not want to feel that way. But I can not seem to even look at him. I love my brother ~so~ very much.
~Why~ am I feeling this way? I do not like this at all. I could turn to Axal, talk to him about my fears. But he has been going through a rough time as of late. And I do not want to burden him with my troubles.
Then there is Ben. Dear sweet Ben. I love him so very much. But I am afraid. I want give him my heart, and have to a certain point. But my fears, they are consuming me. I do not want to trouble him. But I am afraid that if I do not talk to him about what is going on, he will think I do not love him, then leave me too.
What am I going to do??
~rises, walking to her bed. she lays down and curls up in a fetal position, crying herself to sleep~
---Journal Entry, 15 May, Lady Alianna Carazzi
:: sits down on the dock looking out over the water she takes her diary and opens it and begins to write slowly::
I have been most confused as of late. My master is much preoccupied, He is so busy and has so many things to take care of that I fear the tensions of his duties may be pressing in on him.
::glances up looking out once more watching the waves a moment::
I worry for Tei she has resigned as my guard she notified me in a scroll I fear she is in a personal torment I know she loves my master tho all I have ever seen them do is argue she hates me because I belong to him. Perhaps not hate but she feels so much anger at seeing the man she loves as he has me upon his lap or as he kisses my cheek when he leaves I feel some how she must come to understand he is my master and I must obey his wishes always how can I explain to her that he has never laid hand on me in any other way then what she has seen herself. I believe he only has me sit upon his lap as a way to draw comfort or solace when he is stressed.
:: looks up and thinks once more of the things that have come to past::
I think someone is trying as they might to cause my master and his lovely Lady Jane trouble. She was in the dome yesterday and became very upset so angered that when I spoke to her she glared at me as if I had pierced her with a dagger. I know not what has upset her so I do wish the ones that be causing her such anger and pain would leave her and my master be. They love each other so very much and I think would be so very happy if they were left alone and allowed to love but that only be the opinon of a lowly slave.
:: lets her mind wander to the sea once more and slowly closes her diary and stands making her way back to the dome quietly:
--Journal Entry, 16 May, Jasmin Rose {AC}
::She sighs as she lokos about the 'Dome, then dips her quill and begins to write::
A few days ago, I went on a quest to find and retrieve Black from a Sea Serpent. I went ready to draw blood. After all I consider him one of my closer friends, the few I have. Anyway, I felt, and still feel completely useless on these quests. Try as I might, I can not hit a single thing.
::She sighs a bit then glances about the 'Dome frowning slightly::
As I watch everyone have a good time my mind wanders to all my problems. I smile and put a cheerful tone to my voice, never letting on how I feel. I don't want anything anyone can use against me. Gah, I don't even know why I think such things....it's not like anyone listens to me half of the time...never mind have something against me. Oh well as with everything I take it all in stride. I sit, unvolentarily, in the shadows most of the time and watch everything happen to everyone else.
::She sighs and closes her eyes lightly. As she opens them, continues to write::
One word comes to mind lately, useless. I love the island itself, but latly have come to wondering if I made a wise decision by coming here. It's the same as traveling, but I walk alot less. I want to have someone I can confide in, talk to and trust. But that seems to slip from me quickly.I long for friendships I see others have, and try to be friendly to all. I am ignored a good bit by some and treated like a kid by others. Perhaps I was ment to be this way, and to only have aquantances rather than close friends. I look to the stars every night and wonder what the fates have in store for me and my life...
My thoughts have been jumbled with such thoughts and questions, they seem to plague me.Perhaps I want this too much? The Gods only know. My head and heart ache from such thoughts. So, yet again, I drown myself in my music...as I always do. And I stay pretty much silent, not letting on about these feelings.
Last night, I half way paid attention to Vixen talking with a woman. An odd woman she was...said she could see the future. She began talking of things to come discribing Sir Carazzi perfectly, and mentioning jane. I have my doubts of such things as seeing the fuuture, but Vixen seemed to believe this woman. Who knows? I could be wrong, but then again I could be right. One never knows.
::She sighs a bit and bites her lip in thought::
People are acting odd here. Jane acted very strange after reading a mysterious scroll, and Miss Alianna, she is snapping at people for no reason. So unlike them. I wonder what is going on. I may find out one day, after things blow over and such. Nobody tells me anything anyway. I usually find out long after it is over unless I witness the climax of the situation, as I have many times before. I must stop writing now...having a writer's cramp that could kill a horse.
Goodbye for now,
--Journal Entry, 16 May, Lina
::she walks the tunnels of the cove endlessly, her eyes bloodshot and puffy, her cheeks tear stained. It looks as if she has not slept at all, or if she did sleep that it was very unrestful, perhaps having fallen into a drunken stupor for a few hours. In her right arm she lugs the teddybear with her in her left hand she holds a half empty bottle of tequilla. Making her way back into the study she kicks an empty bottle towards the fire and growls as it shatters, she drops the teddybear into an overstuffed black leather chair and throws the half emtpy tequilla bottle at the wall watching it shatter as the liquid pours onto the floor, then sits at a desk in the corner as she picks up a quill and begins to write::
I wonder about zyllah..... I guess I know in my heart that I have indeed failed my sister. I should have protected her from all of this, I should not have allowed her to get so close. The voices told me to bring her here to this island that she would find peace and happiness here, but she hasn't. She has found the same things I have found, turmoil, anger, heartache....
::she pulls open a drawer and pulls out anothe bottle of tequilla opening it and taking a long drink before writing again::
Ardsheal, I thought he was loyal, I thought he could be trusted. Yet I learn that when I am not around his eye wanders. Messangers being sent to me of who he speaks to and what he does. I will not be played the fool again by anyone. I have even heard tale that he wishes to be free of me, if that is true .... so be it! I release him to find whatever it is he is looking for. He never claimed to love me nor I him, everyone knows that my heart belonged to Alterio, but I almost dared pray that Ard would be the one to help me past all that. That Ard would be the one that would love me until the end of time for who and what I am...... not for what I could do for him or what he could make me into.
::she takes another long drink from the tequilla and shakes her head::
For too long now I have allowed myself to be hurt, to be used. I have bottled up all those feelings deep within myself. To the ends I have defended, I have threatened anyone that dares cause HIM pain. What do I get from him in return? Nothing but used. He uses the way I feel for him to get me to do things for him. He knows that I won't let people hurt him and that no matter how much I despise what he says or does I will continue to defend him.
::growls as she hums the bottle across the room into the fire as it explodes in a huge mass of flames::
NO MORE! I am done. Done being used, done being taunted, done caring about what happens to him.
::she shoves the writing aside and stands rather shakily heading to the leather chair her teddybear is on, she flops down into it an passes smooth out:
--Journal Entry, 16 May, Teiyah.
::sighs as she settles onto the beach, deathsbreath in hand; knowing Alterio will skin her if he catches her; and the journal:::::
My Gods, I thought the Family I left on the mainland fought amongst themselves....it seems I always lean towards the Families that cant be happy around each other unless they fight.
:::shrugs:::
No matter, at least I am used to and prepared for it.
:::shakes her head as she tears off into a half-drunken ramble::::
I dont agree with Axa...your supposed to love Family unconditionally. And me...he believes I have no idea of what is happening. He's wrong, I do know what is going on....Uncle Alterio isnt the only one on this island who has eyes when they're away. Just once...why cant they all get along? At one time, they were all happy and at least civil in each others prescence, even if they didnt agree with what was said or done by the others.
:::shakes her head::::
Maybe because I've lived so many years already this all seems trivial to me, and, the concept of Family is stronger than everyone elses; it seems; in my eyes. I dunno..
::::takes a drink of the deathsbreath she snuck in and got while no one was there, then dips her quill again:::
Ali has Ben now, and Im glad to see her happy again. I wish all the best for them both. I just wanna see her happy again, and want her to stay happy this time, and not be hurt.
::::grins, a bit girlishly as she thinks about the man she feels closest to on the island:::
Alterio...what can I say about Uncle Alterio? He seems to be changing...Im not quite sure how he's changing yet, but, I see it.
:::shrugs, and chuckles lightly:::
Maybe it will be a good change. But, he and Jane fighting tonight...I just hope they both dont wind up hurting the other. Uncle Alterio has been hurt enough by women. I guess some of the others dont see it that way.
:::shrugs:::
:::sighs as she stops writing and looks out across the ocean a few moments, listening to the water and sand mix and move with the waves:::
Me? Nothing is new with me...no love interest...who needs em? All they do is mess ya up. No real job, other than the few errands I have to leave and return to the mainland for. Dont have much to say about myself. I like it here, even despite all the fighting, arguing, and bickering....guess I kinda fit in amongst all of it. Maybe tomorrow things will look less....fuzzy....or maybe its just the deathsbreath talking...heh.
~Lyrias~ Early morning 17 May