I still can believe what he asked..I had to make him repeat it, thinking i heard him wrong. He asked me to marry him and wanted me to find a priest but there was none to be found. I finally told him I loved him.. I couldnt keep that to myself any longer. After all these years it was time to admit it to him and to myself. Although he couldnt say it back, i could tell by looking in his eyes he loves me also. He asked me why we had never gotten married...Then he asked me to marry him.
Yes i was willing to marry him. Am I doing the right thing? Ive asked myself that over and over. I Love him and if thats what will make him happy then yes i will marry him. He held me and kissed me "can still feel his lips on hers"...
"she scowls at what she was told after he left to go home"
Jane "shakes her head" offering to pay people to spy on him. How can she say she loves him and do that? She doesnt love him, she is young and just wants him to take care of her... i think he knows that,but he is willing to do it. She is a child. Whats he thinking anyways? He may feel the need to take care of her cuse she is young, but to marry her....She will never be a wife to him, not like he wants and needs..And he will never be happy as long as he is with her.
"lays the quill down rubbing her eyes, tired so very very tired, maybe she can sleep tonight , if only a little... she closes the journal and strips her clothes off dropping them where they fall, to tired to bother with them, she lays down across the bed and closes her eyes"
Journal Entry, 22 May, Vixen Blade
*picks up his quill shaking his head at his purple hand*
Oye Lexxie is gonna kill me next time she see's me.. i warned her but she thought i was joking.. oh well pink hair and purple skin suits her about as well as blue hair and purple skin suits me.
Oh well i got a few more days before i return to normal skin tone.
*stops and thinks*
well i donated a few vials of healing potion to the talent show as prizes.. i hope who ever uses them realises the side effects and doesnt want to kill me afterwoods.
**lays down his quill and attends to his experiments before they explode on him this time**
Journal Entry, 23 May, Fallen Shadows
::Sighs as she begins writing::
I have had alot on my mind lately... I decided I can't spy on Sir Carazzi after all. Sorry Jane
::Laughs a bit::
I have my own set of morales to follow and that doesn't include spying. If she really loved him she would not have asked me to do that. I came close to telling him last night. Just as I got up my nerve, he had to leave. So I relieved my feelings of burden on Vixen and Halfdan.
Thankfully I now know I am not the only one that feels that way. Halfdan remined me of a saying "To thine own self be true" and that is what I'm doing, being true to myself. I mean I want all of them to be happy, but for all to be happy, someone is gonna have to get hurt first.
::Sighs and runs her fingers through her hair::
And then there is Teiyah... I knew she was up to something, then she comes to me asking the ethics of raising the dead. She was speaking of raising her parents for her sister. Like I said later that day, we can't have everyone and their dog attempting to raise the dead. For one thing, it's not right to begin with...but I helped... guess one could say curiosity got the best of me. Besides it does paint a great story. i mean an Island with a volcano that can raise the dead from other lands! The songs a bard could sing! But it should only be used in the rarest of occasions... if at all...
I had a bit of fun last night. Nikoli arrived as I was talking with Crunch in the 'dome. What a lovely boy, so full of energy! As I played a song he begun to dance, then wanted Crunch to dance with him. We ended up outside, to save the 'doome from certain destruction. I mean a big guy like that that cannot dance...destruction is almost certain. As I finished the song, Nikoli asked me what else we could do, so I suggested swimming. That's always fun right? Well, we three had a great time.
::Sighs a bit and smiles softly::
The first time in a while when there was no tension and more laughing than not. It was nice, and I do so love children! One day, I hope to have children of my own...that is when I find the right person. Ah i had such a good time! It has been awhile since I had! Made me forget my problems for that seemingly brief moment.
:;Smiles once more and thinks for a moment::
Well enough of my rambling for now...
-Journal Entry, 23 May, Lina Metallium
*leaves the page in plain sight, for everyone to read*
Contrary to belief, as has been rumoured, I have not been looking for anyone to spy on Alterio. When Lina told me what she saw Alterio doing with Vixen and whatnot, I told her to tell me if she heard or saw anything more. I offered to pay her if she wanted money for the information. I was very hurt and angry, and I felt that if I was going to be lied to, I needed to get the truth from somewhere. It was before I confronted Alterio. I would never want her to literally go out and SPY on him. I have not requested further information, as I am now thinking clearly, and have received the truth I wanted. In truth, I had forgotten that I'd even said such to the bard. I hope this clears up any misunderstandings, and I would like to think people would not hold something done when I was not in my right mind against me.
My Thanks,
Jane Maichen, 23 May.
2 entries, night and morning.
"shakes her head and sighs"
I dont know about this getting married to Alterio. I would still be just his mistress..He doesnt want Jane to know. And he ignores me pretty much when she is around. He is acting like nothing happened last night..Do i need this? It isnt gonna change things or make them better.
I dont know, maybe i should just leave. Get the hell off this island and away from him. I have to find someone to take me back to the mainland, some one i can trust not to tell him..
'"thinks who she knows that she can trust..."
I hate to leave this beautiful island but it has turned into something very ugly...
"sighs as she lays the quill down and closes the journal"
Journal Entry, 23 May, Vixen Blade.
"yawns rubbing her eyes after yet another sleepless night..."
Well nothing is any clearer to me now than it was last night. I have been offered assistance getting off the Island. And i trust him, so I know he isnt going to tell Alterio. But i havent decided yet, whether to go or stay. Do I go and leave all this garbage behind me? Try to pick my life up again on the mainland..Or stay leaving things as they are? Or worse yet, marry him and be a hidden wife/mistress?? Live at the manor as his what? -Guest-?
Being owned and controlled by him because im married to him but yet not many will know. I Love him to damn much, but do i want to complicate my life more than it already is?? I want to see him happy, but at what expense? What more do i have to give up? My life? My shops? Live at the manor, to be at his beck and call, whenever he can manage to sneak away from Jane for a few minutes??"sighs at all these unanswered questions"
Maybe i should go to the cottage i have at the resort and stay. Not come into town at all. Gods i dont know what to do any more...
"shakes her head laying down the quill as she closes the journal.. she gets up and gets ready to face another lousy day"
Journal Entry, 24 May, Vixen Blade.
:: sighs and looks around her new home feeling lost and alone...its so big and now no one to share it with me::
I can not believe that Man....how dare he think that just because he says taht he loves me that I should do the same. I saw how he wooed Zyllah but do I get the same curtsey...Nay I do not. I dont want him to love me anyways and I have changed. But the audacity to think that just because he says it so that I should follow blindly.
::throws things about the room getting rid of her anger::
Look what that man has made me do now...I refuse to yeild to him ...mayhaps I should be with Nun for awhile though he has gotten to wanting Teiyah....He did buy me that dress but I still dont understand why. I did like the reactions I did get when wearing the cumbersome thing.
:: sighs looks over at the ramblings and closes the journal for now...nothing making much sense::
Journal Entry, 24 May, Magdelennya Smith.
:: sits in her room and looks about as she has finished uncrating her things she smiles softly as she takes up a soft cloth and polishes her collar proudly looking into the mirror::
Picks up her diary and begins to write.......
I have begged my masters forgiveness and promised to serve him faithfully as his slave once more if he would but have me back.
I know I will have to prove to him that I can be the gentle and caring gracefull slave he once new and I will strive to do so. I have asked him to allow me to Kneel at his side for my own good to help remind me of my station so I do not do the foolish things I had done before. I am content to serve my master and abide by his bidding. I was wandering lost upon this isle afraid and lost tho many offered me there assistance I fear no one can know the fear of a slave that has been set free to fend for there self ... It be a sentance worse then death ... I wish never to be set free again....
:: lays down her quill and brushes out her long hair and places the perfume behind her dainty ears and up on her shoulders smiling into the mirror wanting nothing more then to be presentable and lovely for her Master and to always please him ...
Journal Entry, 24 May, Jasmin Rose{AC}, recollared and protected.
"picks up the quill looking at the blank page as she thinks..."
I was so sure yesterday I wanted to leave the Island and get away from Alterio. But last night when Jane confronted him about him wanting to marry me also... well he admitted to her he wanted to. I was so sure he would be upset at me for blurting it out to her yesterday. But when she sat there acting so smug and saying she had her -life- back on track and in line, I felt like she was saying she had him under her thumb where she wanted him. She gave him an ultimatum.. he has to choose one of us. She wont marry him if he also wants to be married to me. But yet she asked him What HE wanted. And when he told her, she still didnt listen to him.
So far he hasnt chosen either of us but I figure when the time comes that he cant put it off any longer, he will choose her. What will i do then? Well, i have no answer to that yet..Stay here? Or leave the Island? I do know one thing. And that is I will NOT attend their wedding. I will not put myself through that pain...If i decide i cant live here any longer, maybe that would be a good time to sneak off the island. He would be preoccupied with the wedding and honeymoon, he wouldnt find out for days that im gone....
God I worry about him to much. He was so upset last night he after his duel with Claude. He kissed me and then left to go out on his boat, knowing a squall was coming in. I just pray he is alright. He said he would see me when he got back, IF he got back...
"sighs shaking her head as she thinks back to after the duel" Jane.. his fiancee and the one that claims to love him so much...Gods she acted like it was a chore on her to treat his wounds last night. She should have been rushing to his side to treat him, but she didnt...
And she has the nerve to ask me why i agreed to marry him when he doesnt love me. Well I love him. He may not love me, but i know he cares about me.
I guess we just have to wait to see what happens.
"lays the quill down as see glances out the window, waiting for the ink to dry..she gets up and closes the journal"
Journal Entry, 25 May, Vixen Blade.
Dear journal,
~~she pauses to wipe the water away from her face, having just finished swimming in the falls. laying down the towel, she begins again~~
Everyone seems to be at each others throats lately. Just so very sensitive about everything. And I for one am at the top of the list. I know mine is just fears. And eventually I need to sit down and talk to Ben. I know they can be solved quickly by talking to him. I hope.
~pauses to watch a tiny green humingbird, fly around the flowers at the gazebo. smiling softly as it flies off, she dips her quill beginning again~~
Ben is so very wonderful to me. And I love him very much. But look at what has happened to others around me, when I gave them my love. My mother, she died. Then there was Alex ....
~pauses, the memories of Alex and that night on the beach flooding through her thoughts. she shivers, shaking her head~~
No, I will not let anything happen to Ben. My being a part of Alex's life, it caused him pain. Pain that eventually caused him to take his life. I know ~he~ took his own life. But I can not stop thinking, it was my love that drove him to it. I can not let anything happen to Ben. My feelings for Ben are so very strong. And I know, he is the only one for me. He makes me laugh, smile. I just love to be with him. But my fears ...
Oh can I get past my fears?
~~redips her quill~
Then there is my brother, Alterio. I worry over him so much. He is under so much stress. Stress he, himself has created. Just as I have done, I am sure. But how do I help him? I see him with Jane. And after having my talk with her, regarding her hiring a spy to watch Alterio. I can not begin to explain how mad I was over that. And then my confronting her over it. Plus telling her to stop trying to change him. Love him for who he is. Not what you wish for him to be. She swore she would not. But here she is, doing it again. I am staying out of it. But I my brother gets hurt in anyway .....
Then there is Miss Vixen. I know she ~truly~ loves my brother. Not saying that Jane does not either. I know she does. But Vixen is not wanting anything from my brother. All she wants is to make Alterio happy. And that is something he has not had in a long time. He needs happiness in his life. He needs to get up every morning stress free.
Torlin is back. And always himself. I avoided him as much as I could. I knew as soon as he seen me, my appearance. He would comment. And instinctively conclude it was Alterio's fault of my still not looking as I used to. And that is not true. I think I look alot better than I did a month ago. Torln, he is unique, that is for sure No other in this world like Torlin.
~~redips her quill~~
Axalon, I miss my little brother so much. I hope everything is going fine for him. I thought I would have heard from him by now. But nothing. I do hope he is fine. And that he will be back soon.
Well, I should go back to the bakery.
~rises, leaving the book open so the ink will dry. as she dries off and gets ready to leave~
Journal Entry, 25 May, Alianna Carazzi