"Rape"
Laying naked on the floor
She tried not to panic
Unsure of what just happened
It doesn't hurt much anymore
Praying that she could just forget
Forget his face, his smell
Crying doesn't help relieve the pain
She shuts everyone out
Afraid to tell anyone
Feelings of embarassment, regret, and guilt
Could she have done something
Anything else?
Why she asks, didn't she struggle
Put up a bigger fight
What that "man" did,
It's just not right!
"I just wanted to help"
You make me feel worthless
Make me feel like sh*t
And not some of the time either
It's been all the time latly
I don't want to write like this
I want to be happy, insted of pissed
Why do you yell at me?
Why can't we talk quietly
You're always thinking about Kevein, or something better
Than me
Like I'm not good enough for you
Just one look at me and you're mad
Oh, how I wish I could buy a gun
And spill my blood
To prove my point
I'm sick of you smoking that weed
Why do you wonder why it bothers me?!
Drugs kill, and they ruin families...
Stop ignoring me
"Promise"
Bitterness and Anger
Sadness and fear
Wanna be left alone
Need to get out of here
But I stay
For just one more day
Made a promise
To stay strong
Even if I'm just pretending...
Gotta learn to let things go
Maybe never let anything in again
Drugs and alcohol may be an escape
For a time
Hurt more in the end
On the inside
Wish I could get rid of guilt
Maybe try to forget the memories...
Letting him hurt me like he did
It just wasn't right
I never said yes...but never said no
Made me think I am worthless
All the bad is caused by me
I just have to learn
That he was wrong
"Grandpa"
Why couldn't I see it coming?
He was crying out for help
What the f*** was I suppose to do?
Why didn't I tell someone what I saw
And what I thought I knew
Jusus
Why'd it have to be true?
I know now, even if I didn't know then
I won't let it happen again
I shouldn't blame myself
He was old, I was eight
It wasn't my responsibility to save him
I was confused
Thought he'd come around and be the same again
But he didn't and now he's dead
Thought he was just getting old and tired
I still wonder why he chose to go...
"Untitled"
Falling asleep
Sometimes
Don't care if they ever wake up again
Others
Fall asleep
Praying that they
Can live to see
One more day
Screaming in the rain
Living life in pain
Crying tears on the pillow
Feeling empty
All the time
Not knowing can be scary
But people still run from the truth
Unable to hide
Feel helpless
Inside
"July 1994"
I have a fear of falling
A fear of drowning
I tremble in the cold, and when I don't know where to go
Heavy rocks pulled you down
In the murky water you did drown
You were like my father
How does a god die from water?
After such a long fight
Your life ended one stormy night
Your grandaughter's life changed forever
I know you're watching down on me from heaven
I will remember you always...
In me you will live
You made me strong
It's sad that you're gone
In the night I still sometimes cry
Mourning your death...
And celebrating your life
Here's something I found in one of my notebooks....
Hiding, crying, beating myself up
Not doing a damned thing to make it stop
Not putting up a fight
Sitting, waiting, slowly dying
Not getting up to see the world
All I do is nothing,
Not the slightest big of something...
This is NOT to anybody, It's what I was feeling and thinking one night when I wanted to die, so please don't take this personally....
It's kind of a poem I guess...
So Sad! Poor little girl
Killed herself. Haha!! Oh well!!
Hey, Hey! That's what they'd all say!
Maybe I'll just really piss them off and live forever!
"Untiltle"
Feeling empty and alone
Helpless, useless
And sometimes scared
Not sure of what to do
Screaming and crying so loud
Hurting and scaring my heart
I lie to myself
This next poem is a little strange, I know...It's not meant to be literal.
"???"
I beg and I beg but still you don't seem to hear
After so long I felt you just didn't care
Destroy me
Beat me and hate me
Rape me and hurt me worse and worse
Kick and hit me more and more
Spit and hollar all you want
Slap me around
Make me bleed and scream
And beg for YOUR forgivness
Leave me be
By myself
Cut my own body
I'll do the beating
Maybe get lucky this time and end my own life
Insted of giving it to you
To do whatever you wnat with it
So many times
You're going to hell...
"Self destruction"
All the flowers are dead now
And hell, I never could draw
Never had a talent
Never really could write
But I can do everything wrong
Faking a thousand smiles
To hide one big pain
Multiplyed by so many millions
Give in, only because there's
A chance I won't get back out...
Take me down, and hold me there
Won't let me up (not at all)
Not to breathe the air
I won't ever speak
Just keep me weak
Beat me, and rape me
Bruise me and brake me
Make me, Destroy me
Just tear me down
And hate me!
"Out of Touch"
Why?
What made me finally snap?
I can't even remember why I did it
Why did I ever try that?
It started out with beating my arms and legs
With my flashlight
Then I guess you could say, I 'graduated' to cutting
First with pins, then razors, and broken glass
I'm suicidal, but I don't want to die
I'm terrified of death
I dread the day I'll take my final breath
Sometimes I'll start crying for no reason
But other times I can't make the tears come
Am I still alive?!?
I won't know until I see the blood
Reminding me that I'm still here
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Maybe in my next page of poems I'll actually have some what happy poems...mostly love poems I guess. I'm sure I have a few of them laying around my house.
These poems were posted on March 4, 2001
All poems on this page were written by me, so please do not take them with out my permission first. Thank you...
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