But this one guy who is living with us now, he's an alcoholic. He doesn't want to change. That's not even the problem...I'm confused.
Anyway this guy pisses me off pretty bad. He acts likes he's so cool and smart and he's honestly sneaky. He keeps sneaking beer into the house and getting drunk every other night.
I know he is hitting on my mom constantly. Today his slapped her butt and then kissed her on the face. When he turned around and saw me standing there, he said "Oh sh*t, oh boy!" GRRRRR I hate him sooooooo much!!!
I've flat out told this to my mom before, and that I feel unsafe around him. But he still lives here!!
After arguing with him for about an hour I just felt overwhelmed with hate, jelousy, and fear. (I'm afraid he's going to take my mom away from me. She use to drink a lot when I was about 4, but hasn't in 11 years. Now there is a drunk man with a case of beer in my house!! My mom has gotten drunk with him twice so far...) So because I couldn't take it anymore, I went into my room and got my glass and made 7 2-3 inch cuts on my legs. ***CRYS*** WWHHHYYY??? did I let him make me so angry? I should have walked away from the situation.
But I didn't. And now I'm in pain, bleeding, and even hoping that I may be dying. My mom doesn't know about it yet. I usually tell her the next day after I cut.
well, in my full-hearted attempt to try and keep someone safe who reads this, Just PLEASE, if you ever feel unsafe do what I'm doing now. Go on the net and email people, visit websites, draw, write, Do ANYTHING that doesn't hurt a living thing, including yourself. I'm such a hypicrite, I know. Please forgive me. :(
Basically, don't do what I did, in that order. At least try a coping skill first. I didn't do that this time.
Something that I found VERY helpful a few nights ago when I wanted to cut was, to put about 5 pieces of ice in a medical glove. It looks so hilarious, it'll make you laugh! And then you just hold it in you hands, squeeze it, or dig into the ice with your fingernails. I found that this calmed me down very much.
I think it works for me because when I want to cut, I feel the urge in my hands. Like they won't feel normal again until I pick up a piece of glass and start hurting myself. I ice kept my hands busy, and really made me laugh. And if you don't have a medical glove, a plasic sandwhich bag works too. And if you don't have either, just hold a single piece of ice in you hand, and rub it on the area that you feel the urge to cut. It works for me, I hope it works for others.
Stay Safe!
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