"What causes the fun alarm?" *serious tone* -Steen
"FARM ALARM!!!" -Steen...slurring "fun alarm..."
"I love how you always say 'buzzed slash drunk'." -Lauren, to Steen
Lauren: "Is this a Bruce Springsteen song?"
Steen: "Yeah, but more emo."
Brian and Steen: *emo tear*
"...A bucket?!?! BACK UP! IT'S MINE!!" -Brian
"So you're basically saying that you'd rather get fucked all at once than in small increments." -Kristin, to Lauren, about her new phone
"So if that was in the quotebook it would be my quote then star Brian breaks silverware star" -Kristin
Phil: *while on speaker phone with his girlfriend* "Christine, do you think Promise Rings are gay?"
Christine: *squeal* "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Phil: *glares at Christine*
Christine: "Yeah, but y'know, I am a girl"
Phil: *into phone* "Yeah, exactly, she said she's a girl, if she were a guy, she'd think they were gay."
Tom (5th grade teacher): "I'm gonna top you in bowling tomorrow!"
Christine: "Yeah, you probably will. I love it but I'm not good at it."
Tom: "Me neither. But I'm still gonna top you."
*upon Jeanette and Kelly talking about smoking crack and Kelly smoking more*
"Well y'know, she IS smoking for 2 now!" -Christine
Lauren: "Yeah, apparently there will be no cloning of human-animal hybrids"
"Dan: "I have to say, a quote like that really is a tremendous tribute to bullshit."
"I'm Quaker by injection." -Kelly N
Steen: "Her husband's Quaker."
Lauren: "Like....OOOOOOOOOOATS?!"
*in response to above quote*
Kristin: "When you hear the word 'Quaker', 'Oats' is the thing that immediately comes to your mind?!"
Lauren: "Yeah...it doesn't with yours?!"
Kristin: "Who the fuck has a ga-ZAY-bo..."
Lauren: "...Ga-ZAY-bo?! It's ga-ZEE-bo!!"
Kristin: "Suck-a-dicko!"
*sing-song voice*
"Who knows where we are? I don't! Okayyyyyyy!!!" -Kristin
"Red light muthafucka!!!!!!!!!!" -Kristin
*sing-song voice*
"Oh-em-geeeeeeee!" -Kristin
*on phone*
"Kristin's in a weird mood...she's being very witty tonight" -Lauren
"...Omigod...she just like, presented the problem, presented both sides of the argument, resolved it, and forgave herself in under 2 minutes..." -Kristin
*upon Christine's "slip-resistant" shoe covering coming off*
Phil: "Uh...your shoe condem came off"
Christine: "Oh no! Guess I better get checked"
Phil: "Dude, after touching this floor, you have AIDS"
"'My boobs hurt but my back feels fine' - best quote I've heard all night!" -Phil, in reference to a comment Christine made (it was soo true tho!!)
Kim: "I've never been to Sheets and Shit"
Phoebe: "You mean Linens and Things? " -Phoebe's profile (my sister ROCKS!!! :) )
*upon standing in Produce fridge*
Ron: "It's COOOOOOOOOOLD!" *whine*
Christine: "You must drive your nuts crazy when you're walking in and out of this thing!"
"Hilary Duff Greatest Hits?!?" -Ashley, while looking at Brian's iPod (and it sounded like she said Hilary Duff's Greatest Tits)
"...And now you can whack it all you want without hurting yourself" -Acme TV in Produce explain how to cut an avocado
*upon seeing sign for Delancy Street*
"HA!....oh...I thought it said De Fancy Street..." -Steen, being dumb
"But...HER FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!" -Lauren, about a million times during a "Next" episode