"I kind of wanted my pickle but now I don't" -Ashley
"I don't want your number in my phone...cuz that burp kind of grossed me out." -Ashley
"Is that your zip code?" -Lauren, while putting Ashley's phone number in her phone
"Omigod we're on the OTHER side of the paper?!" -Kristin, in reference to the paper I was writing qutoes on
"You're sticking to the chair? Maybe you should pull your pants down??" -Lauren
"Pour some sugar substitute on me" -Dave
"Look at him show off that sexy arm meat. Work that arm meat." -Kristin
"Bill I believe this is killing me - Billy Joel" -what Ashley wrote on the quote paper when I wasn't looking (and as we were listening to Piano Man at the dineR)
Philly Mike: you shouldn't have sold porn to that kitten. that's probably what they're talking about, you know.
Steen: huh?
Philly Mike: the AIM illegal operations thing you had up.
the kitten's mother was drinking ketchup out of the starship enterprise, and told me the cookies were done drying
and then some stupid cunt (cunt is my new favorite word) was like...why are you wearing an nsync shirt
it's like why the fuck are you ugly? some things can't be answered! -Ashley
"Someday I'm gonna get my Ph-Dee-dee-dee!" -Eric
*to the tune of "Silver Bells"*
stupid boys (stupid boys)
stupid boys (stupid boys)
they need to think with their brains
duh-duh-duh (duh-duh-duh)
duh-duh-duh (duh-duh-duh)
penises are not good for thinkinggggggggggggggg -Steen
"I need to stick this in your hole for awhile" -Ron...about a U-boat in the salad bar hallway
Christine: "A customer wants to know where cranberries are."
Pat: "Is it a girl?"
Christine: "No."
Pat: "THEN I DON'T CARE!!!"
stupid (and completely bullshitted) RA paper done...now on to the death penalty, well, at least, writing about it -Sara's away message
Steen: "My bottom is pure alcohol"
Lauren: "Is that why your butt is so big?"
Steen: "Yeah, cuz no one wants to tap it!!"
*and now...semi drunk/extremely drunk texting between Steen and Eric*
Steen: Night twatknuckle
Eric: Hahaha you're a douche nozzle
Steen: Hey you made up the nickname you cuntball haha
Eric: Dirty piece of vagina
Steen: Greasy nutsack. shlong.
Eric: ...anus! slimy breast pump.
Steen: Shut up and go to sleep you lush
Eric: We're waiting for pizza [side note from me: at 3:09 am?!?!]
Steen: Ok dirty penis pump
Eric: Chuck Norris would punch you in the ovary if he weren't just a figment of my imagination
Steen: Chuck Norris would rip your dick off for being a mean drunk...don't sleep or else he might :)
Eric: I'll sleep on my stomach
Whatever helps me keep my manly parts
Steen: "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila four...FLOOR!...dammit..."
Sara: "That's pretty bad when you mess up the drunk joke..."
"...That was just one big slur, Steen.." -Lauren
"Dude, I just slurred the word 'slur' and I'm sober..." -Steen
"...And then I took a shower. I hadn't showered since Tuesday. *nods to crotch* They smelled and stuff - it was nasty." -Jimmy (on Sunday..)
Lauren: "Do they sell milk in containers bigger than a gallon?"
Steen: "The cow"
*upon seeing an inflatable snow globe on someone's front lawn*
"Wait...what the hell is that? It's a GODDAMN SNOWGLOBE! That's out of control!" -Philly Mike
Lauren: i looked! he said he's not in it, but he's on page 81!
Steen: ....Lauren. do your homework.
Philly Mike: "It's like visors and popped collars. I don't get it. The only time it's cool to pop your collar is when you have a turtleneck on. And visors, don't get me started. Yea, wait, let me wear half-a-hat."
Lauren: "But Steen has to wear a visor for work!"
Philly Mike: "But it's different for guys and girls. I don't know how it is for girls, but no man can look good or be a real man wearing half-a-hat. It's like, 'Hey, look at me! I'm a guy, I have a penis, but no nads. It's like having half the equipment.'"