by Doc
Stunned. Shocked. Speechless.
Kerry couldn't believe what just happened.
She forgot how much Kim could hurt her.
Kim called her a heartless bitch, Kerry wondered why she cared so much. It wasn't as if they were still together. It had been over between them for years. And it wasn't as if Kim was the first one to call her it. But still it stung.
Kerry didn't understand where Kim was coming from. Kim knew about Henry, so Kerry assumed she would understand why it was difficult and near impossible for Stevie to come back into her life.
It broke her heart to hear Stevie's life hadn't improved much. Kerry loved Stevie as if she were her own. She knew how much Stevie must have missed her but she couldn't let that cloud her judgement. She knew the statistics, children who experience the loss of someone in their life to suicide had an increased chance of committing suicide themselves in later life. She couldn't expose her son to that, no mother would.
Kerry took out the mirror she kept in the bottom drawer of her desk. Her makeup wasn't as bad as she thought, at least I don't look like Alice freakin Cooper, Kerry thought to herself. This made her laugh and think of Kim. So many nights they would watch a weepy movie. By the end Kim's eye makeup would be running down her face. If it was particularly weepy it would be down her neck staining the collar her top. Kerry gave a small laugh. Kim would go to the bathroom and everytime she would shout, 'I look like Alice freakin Cooper', there wasn't a time when that didn't happen and everytime Kerry would laugh and wait for Kim to come back makeup free. Everytime they would sit for a while and just hold each other, not saying anything. Then they would talk about the movie and Kim would, sometimes, cry again. Then they would kiss, touch, caress and finally they would go to bed, not to sleep but to...
Looking in the mirror reminiscing Kerry fixed her makeup, taking most of it off.
Why couldn't she and Kim get along now? Why couldn't things stay pleasant, OK they had a history but that shouldn't take away from the friendship they had. Kerry dabbed her eyes with a tissue to get rid of the excess tears.
There was a knock at the door. Kerry took one last look in the mirror and put it back in the drawer. 'Come in,' Kerry shouted with a smile, determined she and Kim would get along, she wasn't changing her mind but that didn't mean they couldn't part ways this time as friends.
Kerry's smile faded when her secretary came through the door. She was so sure Kim had come back.
'Dr. Weaver I just thought I'd check you were OK. Dr. Legaspi left here so quickly and it looked like she was crying. I know it's none of my business but if you need to talk or anything I'm just outside. Anytime.'
Kerry's smile returned. 'Thank you. I'm fine. Everything's fine.'
'OK then, but I mean it Dr. Weaver. Just outside this door, anytime.' He knew things were anything but OK between the ex-lovers but he knew his place. He knew his boss would never talk to him but he still had to offer. Dr. Weaver was a hard worker and she expected the same from everyone who worked for and with her. She was tuff but fair and a really good person. He had a small crush on her and he suspected Kerry knew. He never kidded himself that it would ever be anything and deep down he didn't want it to be anything but still he knew why the drop dead gorgeous Dr. Legaspi and the fiery hottie firefighter fell for Dr. Weaver.
He turned and almost had the door closed when Kerry spoke again, 'I mean it, thanks.'
'I know Dr. Weaver.' Closing the door and sitting at his desk he wondered what had happened. He could tell Kerry had been crying. He only knew of Kerry and Kim's relationship through gossip. For all the gossiping that went on no one seemed to know what happened between them or how long they had been together. Some were not even convinced they ever were together.
Kerry stood and looked out her window. She wondered how far Kim was from the hospital now. She imagined her arriving back at the hospital in San Francisco and going into Stevie's room to inform her of what happened. Kerry knew that Stevie knew she was never going to help but Kerry also knew Stevie would be hoping that maybe, just maybe Kerry would say yes. When she got the news she would make out there was nothing wrong but Kerry knew Stevie would be devastated. This thought sent a chill through Kerry.
Kerry spent many years thinking of Stevie. She wondered what had become of her. Now she wished she hadn't found out, that way she could go on pretending the young girl she knew had grown into a trouble free young woman. Instead she now knew the youngster she knew, the youngster she came so close to helping, so close to ridding of her demons was still as tormented and messed up.
All Kerry wanted to do was go home and hug her son. She wanted to be near him right at that very moment more than she had ever wanted to be. She wanted him too know that he was loved. After Stevie left Kerry for good she had often wondered if anyone had made sure Stevie knew she was loved. Kerry suspected, going on what Kim said, that Stevie was never shown. It's not enough to tell children they are loved, you have to show them too. Kerry never wanted her son to go a day without knowing he was loved.
Kerry sighed and continued to look out her window. She prayed she had made the right decision.