by Doc
The rain was still coming down hard outside. Inside Taylor's apartment it was nice and warm. Kerry and Taylor sat at opposite ends of the couch eating the meal they had prepared together. As they ate they watched First Wives Club. Kerry wasn't surprised by Taylor's choice of movie, Taylor was possibly Bette Midler's biggest fan. As they ate and laughed they also stole the occasional glance at one another. When their eyes would meet they would smile and go back to watching the movie.
By the time Bette, Goldie and Diane started to sing both Kerry and Taylor had finished their meal. Both had consumed a couple of beers each. The end credits rolled. Taylor stretched and looked at Kerry.
"I can't believe you'd never seen this movie Ker."
"I know. It never appealed to me really but I have to admit I really did enjoy it. It was pretty funny."
"I told you so."
"Don't be smug."
Taylor stood up and picked up the two empty plates. Heading to the kitchen she asked, "Want another beer Ker?"
It was Kerry's turn to stretch. She stood up and walked to the kitchen. Taylor was rinsing the plates. Now in a raised voice she asked "Kerry, are you deaf or something? Do you want another beer?"
Kerry quietly walked up behind Taylor and replied rather loudly, "NO I'M NOT DEAF!"
Taylor jumped and dropped the plate she was holding which broke in the sink. "Damn it Kerry what a bloody fright. Are you mad? I could have had a heart attack or something."
Rolling her eyes Kerry replied, "Yeah whatever." She headed for fridge. "Hey and if you did it wouldn't be a problem I'm a doctor I know what to do."
"Well that's a comfort. The doctor who try's to kill me is gonna be the one trying to save me. Yeah that's filling me with confidence."
Taylor was cleaning up the broken plate and looked over to Kerry who was now looking intently at the contents of Taylor's refrigerator. "Find anything good in there Kerry?"
"Mmm"
"Mmm. Is that a yes or a no?"
There was no response from Kerry. "Hey Kerry. Yoo hoo Kerry. HEY KERRY."
Kerry gave a little jump, "What? What is it?"
Taylor shook her head. "If I'd known you were so fascinated with my fridge we could have sat in here eating watching that than the DVD."
"Oh ha ha, very funny. I was looking at your wines. I'm not in the mood for anymore beer."
Taylor continued clearing the broken plate. Kerry chose herself a bottle of wine. "Do you want a glass T?"
"No thanks but you feel free to help yourself."
Kerry looked round at her. In a tone resembling a child caught with her hand in a cookie jar Kerry replied, "Sorry Taylor. Is it ok for me to have a glass of wine?"
Taylor laughed. "Of course Kerry. Help yourself. Did you say 'a glass of wine'? You're only gonna have one? I'm sure that's a first."
"Shut up smartass. Where's your corkscrew?"
"In that drawer there." Taylor indicated the direction with her head.
"Great." Kerry got the corkscrew and started to open the bottle of wine she chose. Looking over at Taylor she watched her young friend place the broken pieces of plate into the bin. "Sorry about that." Taylor looked over at her and smiled. "And be careful you don't..."
"What? Ouch."
"...cut yourself. Opps To late."
Whining Taylor spoke, "I was fine until you said the fateful words that sealed my fate to cutting my poor finger." She held her bleeding finger up to show Kerry.
"Shut up and let me see." She put the now open bottle of wine on the counter and grabbed Taylor's finger. "It's not to deep, you're lucky."
"Yeah that's what I thought as soon as I saw the blood."
"Ok, sarcastic much?" Kerry turned and put Taylor's still bleeding finger under the running tap. Taylor let out a little squeal and complained that it stung. "Oh shut up you big baby." Both woman laughed. "Right, now where do you keep your first aid box?"
"In the cupboard next to the fridge."
"Keep your finger under the water." Kerry got the first aid box and opened it on the counter in the middle of the kitchen. She went back over to Taylor and pulled her finger from the water to inspect it. "That's not to bad." She turned the tap of and pulled Taylor over to the first aid box. "Sit down honey." Taylor did as she was told not saying anything. She watched as Kerry dried her finger and inspected it. "I don't think there's any fear of it falling off." Taylor let out a small laugh. Kerry made sure the wound was clean then put a plaster on it. Taylor was always amazed watching Kerry the doctor in action. Watching intently to everything she did. She had so much respect for her friend, her abilities, her achievements. "There we go, all done. Sorry I've no lollypops this time." Taylor pouted. Kerry laughed. "But wait a minute." Kerry reached over for the bottle of wine. "You're not a kid anymore. You can have some wine instead of the lollypops." Taylor smiled and slid of the stool. She started to clear away the first aid box.
"Thanks Kerry." She held up her injured finger and wiggled it at Kerry. "And I think I will join you in a glass or two of wine after all."
"No problem honey. Any time." Kerry grabbed two wine glasses while Taylor finished clearing the first aid things and broken plate. When they were both done they headed back out and into the sitting room.
They sat down and Taylor poured the wine. "There you go Ker." She handed a glass of wine to Kerry, grabbed her own glass of wine and sat back on the couch.
After a quiet moment Taylor spoke, "How was the flight Kerry?"
"Mmm, it wasn't to bad. Could have done with some more leg room but it pleasant enough." She took a sip of her wine. "I was sitting next to a lovely woman. We chatted all the way here. Well it was more she chatted and I listened. She gave me her number to call her, maybe get together while I'm here."
"So you made a new friend then?"
"I think I did. Maybe I'll call her tomorrow, have lunch or something." Kerry was about to take another sip of wine when a thought came to her, the look on her face told Taylor that something wasn't right.
"Kerry what's wrong? You don't have to have lunch with her."
Distracted Kerry replied, "What? No it's not that. I just remembered."
"What?" Taylor was now worried about her friend. "Kerry what is it? What's wrong?"
"I forgot about the reason I'm here. I forgot about the convention. I haven't signed up for anything. I'm presenting a seminar which I haven't even looked at since I got here."
"Oh, is that all?" Taylor asked taking a drink of her wine.
Somewhat flustered Kerry replied, "Is that all?" Her voice rising slightly she said again, "Is that all?" She took a deep breath. "What am I going to do? That's the reason I'm here, I'm supposed to be presenting one and...and..." Kerry's voice failed to find words and was clearly beginning to freak. Taylor did the only thing she could think of, she placed a hand of one of Kerry's. She looked at Kerry sympathetically. "You think I'm crazy, don't you?"
Taylor smiled. "Just a tiny wee bit Kerry. No more than usual." She gently squeezed Kerry's hand and smiled at her distressed friend.
"Ok. Not sure I feel up to it anymore. But what about the one I'm supposed to present? The hospital probably won't pay for me being here if I don't do it. And I know I can't afford to stay at the hotel if I have to pay for my whole trip. The room they gave me is so far out of my price range."
"Then it's settled then." Taylor said looking pleased with herself and leaned back into the big comfy couch taking another drink of her wine.
Suspiciously Kerry looked at her friend, "What's settled?" Knowing her friend as well as she did she couldn't be sure what was coming next.
"You can move in here. I won't charge you anything but you do have to make me pancakes at least once while you stay, no wait at least once a week no wait, wait once a day. Yeah that sounds better, once a day. Mmmhmm."
Kerry sat waiting for Taylor to finish. She remembered how much her friend loves her pancakes and how frustrated Taylor would get when her pancakes never tasted as good as hers. "Once a day? Taylor I couldn't ask you to do that."
"No Ker, I wouldn't be making the pancakes, you would."
"That's not what I meant you smart ass." Taylor stuck out her tongue. "Yeah, very mature. I meant and you know this, I couldn't ask you to let me stay here."
"You didn't. I offered. I thought that was obvious. Are you sure you're smart enough to be a doctor?" It was Kerry's turn to stick out her tongue. "I'd love you to stay Ker, you know that. All kidding aside, honestly I'd be honored if you would stay here."
Kerry was visibly moved by the gesture of her friend. "If you're..."
Interrupting Taylor spoke, "Of course I'm sure. If I wasn't I wouldn't have offered."
"Ok, if you're..."
Rolling her eyes Taylor interrupted again, "For goodness sake, yes I'm sure."
Kerry smiled. "Ok. I'll stay here but I'm not making pancakes everyday." Taylor pouted. "Oh stop it." Taylor pouted even more. Kerry picked up a cushion and hit Taylor square in the face.
"Ow." Was all Taylor said.
"Serves you right. I might and it's a big might, consider making pancakes every other day."
Taylor smiled. "We'll get your things tomorrow. We can also check if there are still any places left on any of your bore-ventions, sorry conventions. Easy mistake to make."
Kerry hit Taylor again with the cushion. Tucking the cushion behind her Kerry said, "I don't think there will be any places left for the ones I wished to attend."
"Don't worry Ker, we'll figure something out."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What's her name?" Taylor asked.
Kerry was lost. Confused she asked "Who?"
"The woman on the plane. The new friend you think you made. The one you might call. Ring any bells?"
"Yes." Kerry answered sarcastically.
"Well then?"
"Well then what?"
Annoyed Taylor asked, "Her name, it's what?"
"Now now Taylor, don't lose your temper." Kerry said mockingly.
"I'm not."
"Yes you are."
"No I'm not."
"Are to."
"Am not."
"Yes you are."
"I am not."
"You are so."
"Am not."
"Don't pout."
"I'm not pouting"
"You are so pouting."
"Am not."
"I think so."
"Am not. I'm getting another beer." Taylor stood up.
Smiling Kerry said, "You're drinking wine now."
Taylor stood holding her glass of half drunken wine and tried to figure out what she should do. Does she sit down or walk too the kitchen anyway?
"No need to run away just because I'm getting the better of you, so sit down Taylor." Kerry just managed to say before bursting out in laughter.
Somewhat wound up Taylor went off to the kitchen. Taking a moment to compose herself she headed back into the sitting room. "You know, no one has ever been able to wind me up as easily as you can."
"I know and I shouldn't do it but sometimes it's hard to resist. I've seen you keep your cool through so many bad situations so when I see you losing it over something so trivial I get more than a little intrigued. Sorry Taylor." Both woman let out a little laugh.
"It's all right."
"Terri."
Taylor's turn to be confused. "What?"
"Terri. The woman you asked her name. Remember?"
"Yes I remember. Thank you. Couldn't you have just said that to begin with?"
"Yeah probably but it was much more fun this way."
"For you maybe."
"Exactly."
Smiling they both sat for a moment, the silence was a comfort while they thought about the evening they were sharing.
"Is Terri from San Francisco?"
"No. She's visiting her son. He stays here."
"Oh." was all Taylor said.
"She's gay. A lesbian."
Taylor looked at Kerry who was staring straight in front of her. Trying to keep the mood light Taylor replied, "I've found most gay woman are lesbians."
Kerry's head snapped around, she looked directly at Taylor who was smiling. Kerry took in fully what Taylor said and laughed a little.
"Took you a moment to get the joke there didn't it?"
"Yes. Sorry. Me and lesbian jokes aren't very good friends and I was lost in thought for a second."
"Really?" Taylor asked in mock surprise. For fun she added, "I have a hundred lesbian jokes. You want me to tell you some? I'll even explain them to you in a none patronizing way."
Kerry wasn't really listening to Taylor, she was lost in her thoughts again and Taylor noticed straight away. "Anything you want to share?"
Kerry took a moment, thought, then nodded her head. She drank the last of her wine. Taylor reached for the bottle and poured Kerry another glass of wine.
"So." Taylor said.
Kerry didn't respond.
"Um..." Taylor struggled to find the right words, she wanted to find out what had been going on with her friend but Kerry seemed zoned out. Taylor wondered if she had properly registered her talking to her. "Kerry, you want to share that thought now?"
Kerry didn't respond at first then turned her head and looked at Taylor. "Yes. Yeah. I think it's about time that I did." Kerry took a gulp of her wine. "I'm not sure though where to begin or how much you want to know or if I can actually say what I've kept hidden for so long. Taylor it's not that I don't trust you, you know I do, don't you?"
"I know Ker."
"Good. And you know it's not because I don't want to share what's going on, it's just, well..." Kerry trailed of, finding it difficult to find the words.
"Kerry it's all right. Tell me what you want. As much or as little as you feel comfortable with. And just start with one word, any word and see where it leads. Also, take as long as you need. I'm not going anywhere." Taylor smiled at Kerry, she hoped it was a reassuring smile.
"Thanks."
"Why not tell me some more about your new friend. What was her name? Terri?"
"Yeah. She's very nice."
"Visiting her son you said?"
"Yes. She had given him up for adoption. They're getting to know each other. Terri and her son's adoptive mother are going to get to know one another also. I think that's a good thing. There was some jealousy and their attempts to get to know each other didn't work out first time around but this time I think it'll all be ok for them." Kerry took a sip of her wine.
"And you only just met this woman?"
Confused Kerry asked, "Yes, why?"
"Oh, nothing. It's just that for only having just met this woman you seem to know a heck of a lot about her and her family. That's all I meant."
"I guess I do know quite a bit. She's very nice. A lovely woman."
"Do you think you'll call her? Spend some time with her?"
Taking no time to think Kerry replied, "Yes."
"Is she involved with anyone?"
"I don't know."
"Ah, so there is something about this woman, who you only just met, that you don't know."
"I'm sure there is plenty I don't know about her."
"You know some personal stuff though."
"Not that much."
"Not that much Kerry? You know she gave her son up for adoption. You know where her son stays that she is getting to know her son and his adoptive mother and her pleasure comes from the hands of woman, so to speak." Taylor winked at Kerry who just looked at Taylor, just as she was going to say something Taylor started to speak again, "Mmm, not that much, eh?"
"Ok smartass, I know a fair bit but still it's not really that much."
"So, you like her?"
"Um, yeah." Kerry laughed.
"So is she around my age? I am single again and looking and since you're not on my menu I'll have to get my fun from someone that does share the same tastes that I do, if you know what I mean?" Taylor watched Kerry's reaction which told Taylor more than words ever could. First Kerry stiffened slightly, then she went bright red and then it was her breathing that took a turn for the worse.
"Taylor." Kerry stopped speaking almost as quickly as she had started so she could catch her breath. "Taylor." Kerry repeated. She took another gulp of her wine finishing it off. Taylor quickly poured her another.
"What, Kerry?" Taylor tried hard to be as comforting and supportive as she could be with two words.
With a heavy amount of emotion in her voice Kerry spoke again, "Taylor, there's something I have to tell you." Taking a deep breath and a moment to reign in her feelings Kerry started to speak again, "There has been some changes in my life since we last met up. I've not been wholly honest with you during our chats." Stopping again to stop her emotions getting the better of her and to take in the breath that she desperately needed to help calm her. Taylor sat, holding Kerry's hand, waiting patiently for her friend to continue. "Those times Taylor..." Kerry broke of from what she was saying, unsure if she could continue.
Taylor sensed her friends emotional state was high and thought she might need a small helping hand to continue, softly she asked, "What times Kerry?" A small sob broke free from Kerry. Only one, Kerry took another deep breath doing so she took back control of her emotion before replying.
Her voice thick with emotion Kerry continued with what she was saying. "Those times Taylor. Those times you asked me if there was anyone special in my life. Those times you asked if there was anyone worth mentioning. Those times you asked if there was anyone, special or not. Those times Taylor. Those times."
"What about them Kerry?"
It was a while before Kerry spoke. "I lied. I lied when I said there was no one. There was someone. Someone very special. Someone I loved." With that last bit Kerry broke down. Taylor quickly took hold of her. She held her while she cried, Taylor wondered what the tears where really for. She was sure she was going to find out.
After a lifetime worth of crying Kerry pulled back from Taylor, her tears still falling but the sobs subsided. Quietly Taylor spoke, "The person Kerry, what's their name? I'm guessing you're still not with them. Is there anyone special in your life now that you've not told me about?" Taylor already knew the answer, it didn't take much to figure out what was going on with her friend.
Kerry sat. Her mouth opened a couple of times but nothing came out. Finally she took a deep breath and looked at Taylor. The tears stopped falling. Kerry took another deep breath, she knew this was it, this was the moment of no return. Trying hard not to let her emotions take control she said "Kim".
Kerry studied her friends face looking for a reaction. Good or bad she waited to see something. Taylor held Kerry's stare and watched the range of emotion running across Kerry's face. Kerry was now convinced her friend hated her, she had hidden such a huge thing from her young friend and lied to her too. When Taylor noticed that Kerry was ready to start crying again she realized she hadn't said or done anything. Feeling words couldn't convey what she wanted to say Taylor did the only thing she thought Kerry need, she rapped her arms around her friend again and held her close. Kerry relieved her friend didn't hate her broke down and cried again. She wasn't worried right now at how often she had cried since she got there she was just happy her friend knew about her, accepted her, cared for her.
After a long time of hugging, long after Kerry had stopped crying they pulled back from each other. Taylor gently held Kerry's face and kissed her forehead. She looked Kerry in the eyes, softly she asked, "You ok Ker?" Kerry shook her head, as well as she could while Taylor cupped her face. Taylor smiled, "Good." She let Kerry's face go.
"I wanted to tell you about her so many times."
"Why didn't you Ker?"
"I don't know, really I don't. Fear I guess."
Surprised Taylor said, "What? Fear? Fear of what? Kerry you know I'm gay. Why would you fear telling me, it's not as if I was gonna be all homophobic and turn my back on you." Taylor was almost laughing, finding it funny until she looked at her friend and saw the embarrassment, hurt and worse of all shame. Taylor mentally beat herself up for not thinking better about her friends feelings. Quickly she grabbed her friend and hugged her again, Kerry let out another sob but stopped herself from crying. She pulled back from Taylor. "I'm sorry Ker. I shouldn't have..."
Kerry shook her head and cut Taylor of, "No it's fine."
"Kerry you shouldn't feel ashamed." Kerry was a little surprised Taylor knew. "What did you fear Kerry? Did you fear I'd not talk to you or something?"
Kerry shrugged her shoulders. "I don't really know what I feared. I think I feared myself, hate myself. I just wanted to be, I don't know Taylor, I just don't know."
"Kerry do you hate yourself?"
Kerry looked at her friend. "No." Taylor said nothing, just looked at her friend. "I don't." Kerry protested. Still Taylor remained quiet. "What? Why do you ask?"
"You said 'feared myself, hate myself'. Not feared myself, hated myself but 'hate', not hated."
"It's a slip of the tongue. That's all. Honestly, can we please drop it."
Taylor wasn't completely convinced but decided it would keep for now. "Ok, a slip of the tongue," she agreed.
The little exchange had lightened the mood a bit. Kerry wasn't near tears anymore.
"Do you want to tell me about Kim? If you don't feel up to it then that's ok, Kerry you know you don't have to if you don't want to."
"I want to. I have wanted to tell you for a very long time. I didn't want to only tell you about her but about me as well. I've been through so much, so many times I wanted to call you." Taylor was about to tell Kerry that she could have anytime that she would have been there for her but Kerry stopped her before she could. "I know I could have called anytime and I know you would have flown right to me but I don't know, I just couldn't. I'm glad I'm here now, with you, I'm glad I can tell you about everything now." Kerry smiled at her friend. Taylor retuned the smile.
Taylor thought it was time to tell Kerry about the phone call she took at the hotel. "Kerry, there's something I need to tell you."
Kerry looked at her. "What T?"
"Um, well back at the hotel when you were in the shower, well uh, there was..." Taylor struggled with the words but was saved when the phone rang. Almost sighing in relief Taylor got up to answer it. "Hello." There was no response. Taylor turned to look at Kerry and shrugged before saying, "Helllooo, anyone there?"
This time there was a response. "Is Kerry there please?"
Taylor was surprised to say the least. "Um Kerry." Hearing her name Kerry stood up and walked over to Taylor, she was just as surprised as Taylor was. "Can I ask who is calling please?" Kerry listened intently. "Sandy." Kerry looked shocked. Taylor wasn't sure if she should say Kerry was there, she watched Kerry's reaction closely and indicted if Kerry wanted to speak. Kerry took a moment to think about it, she shook her head and left the room. Taylor wanted to go after her but she had to deal with Sandy first. "Sandy it's late."
"I know it's late and I'm sorry to bother you at such a late hour but I've been calling Kerry's room at the hotel for hours and she's not there. The receptionist said she hasn't been back." Taking a deep breath she continued, "I'm worried about her. Is she there? Look if she doesn't want to speak to me fine, that's fine but please just tell me if she is there or not." Taylor listened and heard the anguish in Sandy's voice. Almost in a whisper she said, "Please tell me Taylor. If she's not there do you know where she is? Taylor..." Sandy broke of and Taylor didn't know what Kerry wanted her to say. After hearing the desperation in Sandy's voice she had to tell her.
"Kerry is here," thinking quickly she added, "but she's asleep. I don't want to wake her. It's late and she was a little upset earlier."
"Is she all right?"
"Yeah, she's ok. I'll tell her you called. She has your number to call you back>"
"We live together so I'm guessing she knows my number."
"You live together?" Taylor asked surprised. "Live together like roommates or like together together?"
Sandy thought for a second. "Ask Kerry. I think that's something best coming from her. Please tell her to call me as soon as she wakes up."
"I will Sandy. Night."
"Yeah night."
If Taylor wasn't sure before what Sandy's feelings for Kerry were she knew now what they were. Love, Sandy loves Kerry. Taylor wondered if Kerry loved Sandy back.
Hanging up the phone Taylor went to look for her friend. She was standing in the kitchen looking out the window. "What did she want?"
"To talk to you Ker."
"How did she get this number?"
"I don't know, you live with her maybe you have it written somewhere and she..."
Kerry cut Taylor off, "How the hell do you know I live with her?"
"Um, she told me."
"Yeah that's Sandy all right, the woman can't help herself can she."
Taylor wasn't sure if it was a statement or a question. "Um, Kerry I uh, can't help herself do what?"
"Out me. It's not the first time. What is it with you people and having to have everyone out of the closet."
"Excuse me. 'You people'. What exactly do you mean by that?" Kerry didn't say anything. "Come on Kerry, tell me." Kerry remained silent. Taylor was pissed of now. "Thanks Kerry, you people, that's nice. Oh and just so you know Sandy didn't say anything more than you live together. I asked if roommates or something more, she said to ask you." Taylor was upset. Again she she said, "You people." Kerry wanted to say something but she wasn't sure if she would make things worse. Taylor decided to leave but before she did she turned back to Kerry and said, "Just incase you've forgotten, you're one of 'you people' now since you decided to be gay. What was it Kerry, a career move? Just wanted to see what it was like? Are ya gonna go back now? I mean you don't want to be known as 'you people' do you?" Taylor was angry, she stormed out of her own apartment.
Kerry stood speechless. She didn't know how she managed it. The phone call with Sandy earlier ended in an argument and here now in the space of a few seconds she had upset, angered and offend another friend. She hoped and prayed she could make amends with Taylor. She tried hard to ignore the voice in her head asking what was wrong with her. She didn't want to think that, she had enough issues to deal without adding more self doubt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
