SERIES : the Trilogy
PAIRING : Buffy/Angel, Spike/Dru
[ALSO minor pairings: Spike/Faith, Raith/Riley, Willow/Oz]OVERALL RATING : PG14. The last part is rated NC17
SPOILERS : I Will Remember You
DISCLAIMER : I do not own these
characters.
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PART 1
She
floated above herself, watching as Angel made passionate love to her. Through
the haze she saw herself, on top of him, and she was jealous. Then a flash of
light, and she awoke to the sun glaring through the window at her. It was nine
in the morning, time to be college-girl Buffy. The dreams she was having were
so vivid. She hadn’t had many sex dreams, but it was almost as if they weren’t
dreams. They were though, they had to be. The most recent dream, her with Angel
in his bed in LA, the night before, it had been the kitchen. “What’s wrong with
you Buffy?” She said to herself as she got out of bed.
She
threw on some clothes and it was off to psych. How exciting, since Professor
Walsh had bit the dust, the class just wasn’t the same.
She
was walking down the hallway, when she felt two arms wrap around her waist from
behind. ‘Angel’ she thought, but she
knew it couldn’t be, it never was. “Morning Buffy.” She turned around and met
Riley’s lips with a gentle kiss. What a disappointment! She had tried, honest
she had, to have a normal life, but it just never worked out. She wasn’t
normal.
“Hey… on
your way to class?”
“Actually,
I talked with the professor and class is canceled, how ‘bout a picnic in my
room?”
“Rain
check? I have to find Willow.” She kissed him and walked away. She had to get
away… had to find some semblance of sanity. She ran, she just ran, not knowing
where. She found herself at the cemetery where she and Angel had fought once
before, the night Kendra had died. For Buffy, Sunnydale was filled with
memories of things past, memories of Angel. Even fighting him, she had loved
him, it was sick, but she had. She had lived with guilt for three months. Tried
to forget and be normal, and it never works. Going to college by day and
fighting demons and vampires by night would never be considered the norm. She
had tried to get on with her life, like Angel wanted. She sat down on the grass
under a tree and just sat.
Buffy
sat thinking of how it had felt her first time. Having Angel above her, feeling
him inside, the rush of feelings and emotions, the explosions of pain and
pleasure. She sighed.
Again,
she fell into a deep memory burned into her being. This time, she felt him
moving inside her. He was panting, begging her for her warmth. She felt his
skin below her, warm. Then he disappeared and began crying. She felt him warm
holding her, then she felt so sad. It was so overwhelming, she began shaking…
“Buffy?
BUFFY? BUFFY!” She awoke to find Willow shaking her.
“Huh? Oh
, Willow… hey, what time is it?”
“It’s
dusk. Have you been here all day?”
“I guess
so. Dusk huh? My bad…” Buffy stood up.
“Riley
called me and said you took off, what’s up? You okay?”
“Just
dreaming. Thinking, feeling, ya know…”
“Angel
again?” Her friend glanced at her, as if she needed to ask. Willow knew, she
was having the dreams again, more and more so. “Tell me about it?”
“I was
in his room in LA Will, with him. I felt his body, he was warm Willow, he was
warm… I don’t get it, is it imagination? How can I feel something so vividly,
when I can’t imagine how it would feel to have him be warm?”
“Buffy,
you have to stop this or call him. It’s not doing you any good.”
“Willow,
it’s a little late for that isn’t it? I mean it’s been four months since I’ve
seen him. And besides, we have Adam to contend with and we still don’t know
where the hell Faith is… this is no time to be trying to hook up with my ex.”
“Buffy,
you still wear the ring, he’s not your ex… he will never be.”
“Thank
you Mrs. Obvious for making me feel better all the time. Let’s go and see
what’s new with Giles.” The two girls began walking when a voice from the dark
called, a voice from the grave.
“Hey,
cutie…”
“Spike,
what do you want? Why don’t you just go? You’re bothering me.”
“Well, I
don’t care for you either, but where am I going to go?”
“Back to
England?”
“I could
just go to LA…” That was it, she grabbed the stake out from underneath her coat
and ran at him. She jumped on him, and slammed him to the ground, stake at the
heart.
“You
wanna take me Spike, I’m ready, course it really won’t be that hard, will it?”
“Fine,
sorry… do you want to know why I’m here anyway?”
Buffy
got up, being that close to Spike brought back bad memories of being in love
with him, thanks to Willow. They never had gotten around to a forgetting spell.
“What? Make it fast, I am not going to spend anymore time with you than absolutely
necessary.”
“I saw
that demon thing, Adam is it?”
“Where?”
“Buy me
a pint of blood and I’ll talk.”
“You’re
a snake… let’s try this again.” Buffy walked over to him and kicked him in the
gut. He slumped over and she grabbed his hair, “tell me, or you’re dust.”
“Testy
slayer. I saw him in the tunnels under the city with a dozen other vampires.
Talking to them, telling them that they don’t have to fear anymore. Went on
about how the time was coming when they would walk among the humans. Now get
your bloody hands off me!”
“That’s
it?” She let go.
“That’s
it. Now help me out… I’m broke.” Willow walked over to him and handed him a
five. Her and Buffy continued on their way to Giles’.
“You
shouldn’t give him money Will, he doesn’t deserve it.”
“Buffy,
we know him now, we can’t just let him starve, can we? It’s not very polite.”
“Willow,
one of these days, he’s gonna figure out how to fix that chip and then we are
going to wish we had dusted him.”
That
night, patrolling had gone unusually well. They had spoken to Giles about what
Spike had said. Giles suggested they call in help with Adam. Buffy refused, she
said that Riley told her the initiative was on it. They were going to find him
and zap him. Buffy went to bed that night early, before midnight.
She lay
on the bed and began drifting off, the nights had become her only connection to
the man she loved. She had a scar from him, a physical one. One from which she
had given him life, had saved him, one from which she nearly died. A vampire slayer
in love with a vampire, who would have thought? The world was certainly ironic,
wasn’t it?
She drifted off to sleep, where her and Angel combined
once more. She saw them eating food, ice cream, in bed. She saw them making
love. One moment she would be watching them, the next she would feel him inside
and realize that she living in the dream. She felt his strong body above her,
delving further into her warmth, further into her soft heat. She felt his
hands, his tongue caressing her everywhere, felt his strength pushing into her,
beyond the physical, into her soul.
Miles
away, he was walking the busy streets, begging for trouble. Demon, vampire,
murderer, someone to hurt, it was his only escape, solace, the only thing that
made him feel better. He got back to the office and the phone was ringing. A
little late, he thought.
“Hello,
Angel Investigations.”
“Hello,
um, Angel?”
“Giles?
Is Buff…”
“Buffy
is fine Angel, well for now. I think we need some help here. There’s a big
demon, I don’t think she can handle it herself. She hasn’t been herself lately,
she’s… her mind is elsewhere. This is not normal, the demon is different. Can
you come?”
“I’m
already gone.”
“Oh and
Angel? Maybe, she asked me not to call you, not to call for back up… she’ll be
upset.”
“Don’t
worry.”
PART 2
The open
road, the open top… miles to think, to remember, the forgotten day in which
Buffy had promised never to forget. There was a part of him that resented her
for that promise, but how could she have known? He saw the first rays of sun
start peeking up and he pulled over and put the top up. Good thing he had dark
windows, wouldn’t want to burst into flames on the way back home.
He was
nervous. Giles didn’t know if he should have made the call or not, but he felt
it was necessary. Buffy couldn’t handle Adam alone, they needed an attack plan.
They could ask Spike for help as well, three strong bodies, with Riley too…
four on one. He had been working on the plan for some time now. Trying to
figure how to take the unusually strong demonoid. He just hoped Buffy wasn’t
losing her mind. Willow had told him about some of the dreams Buffy was having.
Giles also knew that Buffy was skipping a lot of her classes. She had been
since Thanksgiving, she wasn’t looking very rested, but he kept quiet. Tried to
do the best he could with his Slayer.
She woke
up to the radio this morning. It was a different day, but all were pretty much
the same. The sadness loomed inside her, like mist over the ocean on a cool
morning. She was used to it, had been for some time. She wanted to yell at him
for doing this to her. Wanted to hate him for promising to love her forever and
for leaving her. She couldn’t hate him. She loved him too much.
SO SAD TO HEAR THAT YOU DON’T WANT TO HANG AROUND WITH ME
SO LAME TO SEE YOU LEAVE AND TO KNOW THAT YOU BELIEVE
THAT IT’S OVER…
The song sang to her. ‘It’s not over Angel,
it never will be.’ Willow was right, she wore the ring, the most important
thing she owned, part of the promise he made, and had broken. A tear came her
eye and she stopped herself. ‘I am not going to fall apart, not today.’
“How are
you today Buffy?” Willow walked into the room, hair wet, and she went about
getting dressed. Buffy’s best friend for three years.
“Well, you
know, the days go by as the nights, lonely. It’s so lonely being the Chosen
One. Of course, I could be in a room with a thousand people, and if…” her voice
trailed off. “You know, when I start getting all sad and depressing, just hit
me.”
“If
Angel wasn’t there, you’d still be lonely. I know… you’re no the only one who’s
lonely.”
“Oz… I’m
sorry Will, whadda you say we go to that party at the bronze tonight? Have a
drink and dance the night away with guys we don’t care about?”
“The
party? You wanna go to the party? The Pajama party? Seems kind of, weird…”
“Willow,
we fight vampires and demons, we’ve dated vampires and werewolves, our lives
couldn’t get any weirder, this party if perfect for us. We’re going.”
“Yes
sir…” Willow saluted her as she got up and went to shower.
He
arrived in Sunnydale a little after eleven, instant death shining down upon the
ground. He marveled at irony… he could fight any demon, kill anything he
wanted, jump off a two story building and land on his feet, but one ray of sunlight
would make him no more. The Powers That Be sure have an odd sense of humor. He
pulled into Giles’ and grabbed his jacket and threw it over his head. He bolted
for the door.
“Angel!
Wonderful, you’re here!”
“Hey
Giles, it’s been a while.”
“Indeed.
Coffee?”
“Sure.
Black.”
Giles
filled him in with the information they knew about Adam, leaving out little
Riley parts. That wasn’t his job as watcher to tell the extraordinarily strong
ex-boyfriend about the new boyfriend.
She was
walking to her class and the arms came around her waist once more. ‘Angel… no
Buffy stop this… get him out of your mind.’
“Morning
Angel… how’d you sleep?”
“Riley,
don’t call me that, please…”
“Sorry…
how was patrolling last night?”
“Okay.
Boring… I went to bed early.”
“Listen,
about that rain check, how about tonight?”
“Can’t,
Willow and I are bonding at the Bronze.”
“Can I
join you?”
“Riley,
it’s a girls night, she’s bummed about the whole Oz thing… I promised… sorry.”
She weaseled her way out of his arms.
“If I didn’t
know better, I’d think you were trying to get away from me. What’s going on
Buffy?”
She
turned to him. She couldn’t do it anymore. “Riley, I like you, I do, but I
thought I was ready, but I’m not. I… I want us to be friends, but I can’t do
this right now, with Adam and Faith…”
“So it’s
about Faith? Look I’m sorry, how was I supposed to know she was wearing your
body? She…” he continued, but she wasn’t listening.
‘Angel
would have known it wasn’t me. He would have pushed her away.’ She drifted off to
last nights dream, a demon attacking her and Angel, the mora demon, then the
passion, the fire in his eyes, the feel of his… she interrupted herself, the
thoughts. ‘Riley, concentrate on Riley.’
“Riley,”
she smiled, “I’m sorry, but I just need some time, I was in a bad relationship, well, a long one… a
complicated one, and I just… I need some time. I’m sorry.”
“I’ll
call you tomorrow?”
“Yeah…
do that.” She walked away, feeling relieved.
PART 3
It had
been a while. She looked in the mirror
and it had been a while since she felt the need to put make-up on. Too long.
She carefully pulled her hair back, in a pony tail. She looked in the mirror.
Buffy Summers examined herself in the mirror.
CAUSE WHEN
YOU’RE WEAK I FEEL THE NEED TO GET UNDERNEATH YOUR SKIN
AND WHEN YOU START TO TWEAK I FIND A WAY TO GET UP BESIDE
YOU…
When are they going to stop playing that
stupid song? She wondered, maybe the reason it bothered her so much is because
he was under her skin. He was always inside her, a part of her. She was inside
him too, under his skin. She wanted to be beside him, needed to be close. Her
dreams were the only way, she never wanted them to stop. She looked in the
mirror. She donned her bunny pajamas and her matching slippers. Willow had
teddy bear ones.
“Ready
to go?” Willow asked as Buffy glanced at her friend.
“We look
ridiculous.”
“Yes,
but imagine, we’ll be in a sea of strangers. And we’ll be comfortable. Hey,
what’s the band they have playing?”
“I don’t
know something like Olive Oil or Olive Eater, I don’t know. It doesn’t matter,
we’re doing the getting out thing, and look how many stakes I can put under
these pj’s?”
“Impressive.
I have garlic under mine.”
“Our
lives are never boring Will, let’s go!”
The two
threw on their coats and were on their way in the pajamas. Buffy still couldn’t
believe that they had gone through with it, but there they were, in the Bronze.
An hour later, they were dancing and she had almost forgot the past. She looked
over her shoulder and it was over.
“Buff?
You stopped dancing. Vampire?”
“Worse.
Spike. Looking at us in our pajamas, with Xander and Anya.”
“So much
for that part about being with strangers. Could this get any stranger? Of
course, we shouldn’t really ask that question. We know it always can.”
“Hiya guys,
having a wild time?” Xander came over. He had on a pair of boxer shorts and a
beach shirt. Anya was in a dress.
“Nice
pj’s Anya.” Willow said.
“Yeah
well, I sleep naked, but Xander said that wasn’t appropriate.”
IN TIME YOU’LL LEARN TO LOVE ME AS MUCH AS YOU LOVE
YOURSELF
OH IN TIME YOU’LL LEARN TO HATE ME
“Oh that
music!” Buffy was whining again. Everyone was sick of it, he could tell. He was
glad to hear that voice. It was like
blood in his veins, he needed it to survive.
He
watched her dance. She was so beautiful and he became painfully aware of what
she did to him. He needed to have her beside him, naked. No, he couldn’t let
his mind go there. It was a dangerous place to be, especially in the same room
as her. He watched her body move. Her body… next to his, his inside her… stop
it. It didn’t help she was in her pajamas. He moved to behind the stair well,
where he had spent numerous hours watching her before, falling in love.
“So,
gorgeous, wanna dance?”
“With
you Spike? In your dreams…”
“Yes,
you are blondie…”
“You’re
a pig Spike. Why are you here anyway? Don’t you have some crypt that needs
cleaning or some lonely innocent girl to chase, or that’s right, you’re
impotent.”
“Hey!”
He grabbed her, “Ow!!!” He grabbed his head and listened to the Slayer laugh at
him. “You know, it’s not like you have to rub it in.”
She
went up to him and pressed into him, her finger traced down his jaw. She moved
her mouth up to his ear and whispered, “Oh Spike, I wouldn’t do that…”
“You are
begging for it…”
“Oh no!
Not a lecture! Don’t scold me! I might fall over from laughter!” She turned
around with a quick jerk and her hair flung in his face. As she walked, he
answered back with a growl. “Oh Spike… don’t get all upset now, we wouldn’t
want you to hurt yourself.”
He had
watched her, press herself into Spike. Why? He was jealous. For whatever
reason, Spike got to be close to her, closer than he ever could be.
He hated
her, even as much as he did, he wanted her. It had been too long with a woman,
without a release. More every day. He had to fix this. He had to find a way to
get what was done undone. He had to find his love. The masochist inside him
needed to find her, even if she would slap him and leave, he could plead his
case. He would get her angry, and she would lash out at him, it’s what he
liked. But now? He was thinking about the Slayer. What had become of him? He
began to leave and out of the corner of his eye, he saw a familiar shadow
lurking in the background. ‘Great, just what I need!’ he thought.
“Well,
Anya and I are leaving. I gotta get of these clothes.” Xander spoke as he got
up.
“NO, I
gotta get you out of those clothes.”
“Please,
that was too much information.” Buffy smiled and watched her friends walk off and
she turned to Willow and they began talking.
“Come
on… let’s get out of here before the siege of vampires comes to kill everyone.”
“Well,
aren’t we Miss. Optimistic?” Xander wrapped his arm around his girlfriend.
“Hey,
the nights have been too quiet. Some vampire somewhere is threatening the earth
and I…”
“Dead
boy!” Xander exclaimed.
“Don’t
call me that!” Angel replied. He’d been seen.
“What
are you doing here?”
“Duh,
I’m watching Buffy, I should think it was obvious.”
“Yeah,
well… it was. Why aren’t you in LA? Oh no, you’re not here to kill us all are
you? Because that act’s getting old!”
“No, I’m
just, Giles called and told me you might need help with Adam. What was Spike
doing here? And why didn’t Buffy dust him?”
“Oh,
that, well Mr.I’m-so-big-and-tough, can’t hurt anyone.”
“Huh?
That’s seems too good to be true.”
“Yeah,
well, it’s true, did Giles tell you about the initiative?”
“Yeah.”
“Well,
they put this chip thing in his head, that zaps him when he tries to hurt an
innocent. Kind of ironic, huh? So even more ironic is the fact that he’s kind
of helped us a little, and we give him
some pigs blood every now and then.”
“Well,
that’s different.” Angel absorbed the information.
“Yeah,
well, whoever you are, we’re going to have sex now, so…”
“Anya?
You don’t just say that… oh sorry, Anya, this is Angel.”
“Angel?
Oh, Buffy’s Angel, oh… this is going to get very interesting.”
“How so
Anya?”
“Because
Riley just walked in the door.”
“Oh…
well that’s our cue to leave.” Xander grabbed Anya and left.
“Riley?
Who’s Riley?” Angel asked, but he was talking to himself. He glanced over at
Buffy and he knew, Willow saw him.
PART 4
“Well,
the night is still young! No demons! No vampir…” Buffy said.
“I wouldn’t
say that so fast Buffy.” Willow said as she met the pair of eyes across the
room.
“Why?
Vampire? Whe…” Buffy turned to look when a pair of arms wrapped around her, she
them met the pair of eyes across the room. Vampire in deed, she met his eyes and
watched him flinch.
“Buffy?
I’m sorr…”
“Riley,
I told you, I need some time.”
“I know,
but that’s not to stop us from seeing each other in the meantime.”
“Time
means time. Space means space.” She couldn’t stop looking at him. A huge hunk
of manliness. She flashed to her dream where his manliness made her whole body
quiver with excitement. “Riley, I’m sorry, it’s over.”
She
stood up and brushed him aside. Angel was walking toward her.
“Cute
PJ’s.”
“Thanks.
Why are you he… Giles called you?”
“Yes, he
told me all about Adam and I think he’s right. You need help.”
“So what
you’re going to come and help and then leave for my own good. That’s the drill
right? Well at least this time I don’t have to come to LA and yell at you for
not saying hi. Pretty crumby of you to come and not say hi to an old friend, or
rather, a young friend in your case.” She broke a smile, she couldn’t make him
feel any worse than she knew he felt already.
“Buffy…
I’m so…” She couldn’t stand it, it was wrong but she put her arm around his
neck and pulled him down to her. She slipped her tongue into his mouth and his
met hers. He explored every cavity of her mouth and she did the same. She got
dizzy, she couldn’t stand it. The dreams came again, her grabbing him, him
grabbing her.
It felt
so good to have her in his arms. Have her lips to his. He moved his tongue
around her mouth. She was so soft, warm. He couldn’t get enough. He was hungry
for her. He wished he could tell her, make her keep the promise to remember,
but it was his burden to bare. He wrapped his arms around her waist and moved
his hands along her back. She fit so perfect against him, even with pajamas.
Her body felt so good. He slipped his hands into the back of her pajamas and he
felt her skin, so soft, warm.
He welcomed
the memories, begged for them. He let the waves of emotion wash over him, the
taste of her skin under his lips. Her hands in his hair, grabbing at his body,
pulling him closer, pulling him into her. No!
He
pulled away. He had to be strong.
She was
living the dream. She wanted to rip off all his clothes and take him right there. Bronze or nothing. Soul or no
soul, sometimes she wondered if it was worth it. She moved her hands into his
duster around him. But he stopped. He had willpower she did not possess.
“Buffy…
I…”
“I know…
you don’t want to kill anyone again… you’re here to help and scoot, so let’s
get busy.”
“Buffy,
I don’t like hurting you. I never want to hurt you.”
“Then
why do you? I’d rather have you here, and see you, than miss you and have you
in my dreams alone.”
“Your
dreams?” He raised his eyebrow and smiled.
God,
he’s gorgeous, and he will be, forever. “Yes and there is no force on
this earth that will make me tell you about them.”
“But…”
“No
force on this earth!” She smiled and over his shoulder she saw Riley coming
over. Oh no!
“Buffy,
what’s going on here? One second, you’re all jealous and the next you’re
grabbing a stranger in the Bronze? If you trying to do the same to me, it
worked, now let’s go and talk this out.”
“It’s
not over Faith! It’s just…” she grabbed Riley’s arm and pulled him aside,
“Can’t you just let this be?”
“No, I
can’t, Buffy, I love you.”
“What?”
“I love
you, Buffy and I can’t turn away from you.”
“You
don’t have a choice Riley. I’m walking away from you. I love someone else and
you don’t even compare to him.”
“Who?
Him?” Riley pointed at Angel, Angel just smiled back. She cracked a smile.
“Yes
him. I’m sorry, it’s just… I tried, Riley, I did. I can’t do this.”
“Fine…
fine…”
“Riley,
I’m sorr…”
“No,
don’t worry about it, don’t worry.” She watched him walk away, relieved. She
walked back to Angel.
“I take
it that was Riley.”
“You
know about Riley?”
“Well,
Xander mentioned that Riley had come in. I take it you are…”
“Were, I
were, I mean, I was with him. He was the second attempt at a normal
relationship… the first didn’t go much better, but at least Riley called me the
day after… not that you want to know…”
“I kind
of already do…”
“How?”
“Well,
Spike paid me a little visit in LA a while back, he wanted the ring of Amara,
and he enjoyed torturing me a little with a Buffy-has-a-new-lover story.”
“Oh,
yeah, well Parker wasn’t exactly the best rebound guy. It was a one night
thing, kind of a drunken thing, not the best Buffy moment, but…”
“Oh.
Sorry.”
“My
decision, my problem. Well, what do you say we get out of here.”
“Sure,
you can… tell me more about your dreams.”
“No
force on this earth.” She went over to Willow and said she was leaving.
“I’ll
come too, that is if you want me? Hi Angel, nice to see you.”
“Come
on, of course we want you”
The
three walked out of the Bronze. Buffy heard a scream from an alley way.