SERIES : the Correspondences
PAIRING : Buffy/Angel
RATING : PG14
SPOILERS : I Will Remember You
DISCLAIMER : I do not own these characters.
Nor do I own “again” (Janet Jackson), “the Dance” (Garth Brooks), “She’s Every
Woman” (Garth Brooks), “Wild Horses” (Wild Horses).
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13
THE NEXT MORNING
“Angel?”
She grazed his lips with her own gently.
“What?”
“Angel,
I have to go, my bus leaves in an hour, I just wanted you to know, say goodbye,
or see you again, or whatever.” He got up and grabbed her around the waist. He
crushed his body to hers.
“Well,
call me after your presentation and we’ll figure out the next step.”
“Okay,
I was going to have coffee, do you want to have some with me?”
“I’d
love to.” They had coffee and she kissed him goodbye when she left. He went
back to the bedroom and sat on the bed. He looked over at the dresser, waning
to remember her body standing there, when he noticed an envelope on the
dresser. He took it down and read the letter inside.
My dearest Angel-
How can I ever find the words for
how much last night meant to me? I don’t know if we really mean what we said,
if we will try to work it out and find a way, or not, but either way, I will
always remember last night. I only wish we could have made it more, have made
love, but I know we cannot, and I can deal with that, I only wish.
I’ve made love to you in my head so
many times Angel, thoughts sneak into my head at the worst moments: during a
test, during a patrol, and yes even when with Riley. He may be a man, but he is
no man to me, he can’t even compare. He is naive, not wanting to explore my
body, worship me as much as you already do, after only one encounter. You draw
my body with such eloquence and expertise almost as if you have it memorized,
the contours of my body, how the shadows play with me so exquisitely,
mystically even.
Every drawing screams love to me,
the strokes of the pen, long and defined. Your love and devotion come through
so clearly, in your words, even in the letters, so carefully chosen. He does
not how to show it if he does indeed feel it, but he is not you. I couldn’t
find any mere mortal that would come close.
You wanted me to be loved, but I
want to worshipped, and only your eyes can make me feel that. Only your eyes
can run up and down my body and make me feel like a goddess. Only your touch
can make me tremble, only your mouth can make me beg for mercy. If I live the
rest of my life, with only these memories, then so be it. But I realize now
that Riley was never what I wanted, so he must be set free. I intend on doing
that, and wearing my ring, for I belong to you and you alone. Your eyes are the
only ones I want to see me, your hands are the only ones I will allow to touch
me, and if they never will again, so be it. I love you, more than words can
describe.
Eternally
awaiting your touch,
Buffy
He
was unsure if it was possible to love her even more than he already did, but he
did.
THAT AFTERNOON
“Riley!”
“Buffy!
I missed you.” He grabbed her.
“Riley,
I’m sorry.”
“What?”
“Sit
down.”
“That’s
never a good conversation.”
“Riley,
I was wrong to say yes to you so quickly, I was wrong to say yes at all.”
“What?”
“I
lied, it has everything to do with Angel.”
“WHAT?”
“Riley,
it’s not fair for you to be second prize, I’m sorry, but I can’t see you
anymore. I wish things were different, but they aren’t.” She put the ring in
his hand and walked away.
THAT EVENING
“Angel
Investigations, we help the hopeless. Can I help you?”
“Cordelia,
is Angel there?”
“Hold
on.” She waited.
“Hello?”
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
He said. “What’s up?”
“I
wasn’t sure if I should call or not, but I am just so excited!”
“Why?
What happened?”
“I
GOT THE JOB! They said they were so impressed with my speech, that they want to
send me to the opening in LA, and possibly to their headquarters in New York
for a week. A week, can you imagine, a week in New York!”
“That
is so great!”
“I
know, I just wanted to call you, it’s been so long since I’ve been able to tell
you my good news, I wanted to this time, and I wanted to tell you that I gave
Riley back his ring today and told him I couldn’t see him anymore.”
“Oh,
how do you feel about that?”
“Elated,
relieved, happy, relaxed... need I go on?”
“I
suppose not.”
“How
pathetic? I mean, I’ve been with him for four years, and I can’t say as if I’m
torn up about it, I really don’t feel anything. I mean, I feel bad about
leading him on like this, but as for the breaking up part, I’m over it.”
“I’m
glad to hear you made such a speedy recovery.”
“Well,
I mourned, it’s over, I’m good to go. So, they want me to be at this gala thing
three weeks from now to introduce me to a bunch of people in LA, and I kind of
need a date, and I was thinking that if you’re not busy doing vampire things,
that maybe...”
“I’d
love to.”
“Good.
It’s formal, but not too formal, suit and tie should do.”
“When
are you coming?”
“Well,
I have to meet with the founding partners tomorrow afternoon, so they can offer
me some money I guess, and give the final interview, so I’ll be coming by train
tomorrow morning, around nine-ish.”
“Want
me to pick you up?”
“Nah,
I’m a big girl, I can get from the train station to your place.”
“You’ll
be coming to my place?”
“Duh
silly, of course. Don’t tell me you’re getting all slow in your old age.”
“Not
likely.”
“Not
that slow is bad, it’s just not good.”
“It
can be, good.”
“I’ll
bet it can.”
“Then
I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow.”
She hung up.
14
THURSDAY MORNING
She
walked into the apartment. “Angel?” She walked around. “Angel?” She walked into
the bedroom and there was an envelope, she sat down and opened it. She pulled
out three pieces of paper. The first two were drawings; one of her in the
dress, a collage of different angles of the dress and the other was her
standing in front of the dresser naked. She read the letter.
My love-
Sadly I cannot be here, I had to
meet a potential client with Cordelia, rather she wanted me to join her for a
breakfast date with an agent. She says she trusts my judgement about people,
I’ve smelled a few rats for her in the past, so please accept my humble
apologies.
Enclosed are two drawings, new ones,
which is obvious to you. I drew them for you, so you could keep last night
forever frozen. You are my Goddess, of love, of truth, of sex, you are my
goddess, and I worship you more than I think I should.
I can’t express to you how wonderful
it is to hear that your body is only for me, although that may lead you into a
life you won’t want, but it is your choice. I realize now that I can’t make
decisions for you. Perhaps yes, I do see you as that teenager, but the other
night, I saw you as a woman and fell even deeper into love with you. Feeling
your hands on my body once more, your heat, your lips, your tongue, watching
you from the bathroom, stand in front of the dresser, like a queen, you are my
queen.
I am missing you as I sit with
Cordelia, be sure of that, and I will be home later sometime after your
meeting. There is juice in the fridge, mind you it is not the red juice. Bad
joke. I love you so much it hurts not to be with you.
Eternally
waiting to touch you,
Angel
She
smiled and lay down for a quick nap.
TWO HOURS LATER
He
sat with his pencil in hand watching her, wanting to capture every detail of
her. She began to stir. “Angel?”
“You
caught me.”
She
sat up more. “Doing what?” He turned the notepad to her. “It’s beautiful.”
“Well,
you’re the best subject. I try to draw other things and I can’t.”
“Well,
I don’t want you drawing other women anyway.” She smiled and reached for him.
“What time is it?”
“11:30,
when’s your meeting?”
“Two,
but I want to see my father first, so I think I’m going to do that. Do you
mind?”
“Not
at all, here.” He handed something to her.
“What’s
this?”
“A
key, if we leave to go out, we lock the office door, and the only way to get
here, besides the sewers is through the office, so in case we have to go for
something, you can get back in.”
“Okay,
you sure?”
“No,
I think you’re going to bring a whole bunch of holy water and dump it all over
the floor. Of course I’m sure.”
“Well,
jeez... don’t have to be all like that? Who died and gave and you a sense of
humor?” She paused. “I’m sorry, that was a bad joke.”
“No
it’s okay, you don’t have to tip toe around it anymore.”
“Okay
and you don’t have to tip toe around me either, come here.” She grabbed his
hand yanked him to her and crushed her lips to his, greeting his tongue and
welcoming it. He moved over her and she lay back and enjoyed the feeling of
having his weight crushing into her, feeling him hover over her body. His
kisses grew with intensity and desire and he began sucking on her neck and lips
and ears. “Angel... stop it... Angel...”
He
looked at her. “What’s wrong?”
“Well,
first off all, we can’t, and secondly, I do have to get going.”
“You’re
right, for once, you’re the mature one.” He said, rolling off her. “I hate
that.”
“I
know, but I really do want to tell my dad about my job. My mom was so happy,
although I failed to mention the part about being back with you, but I did tell
her that Riley and I broke up, luckily I never really told her we were getting
married, so it was okay. She was heartbroken about him though, I think she
liked him more than I did.”
“You’re
amazing Buffy, simply amazing.”
“Don’t
you forget it pal.”
“I
couldn’t possibly.”
“Did
you tell her yet?”
“What?”
“What?
You even have to ask me that Angel? Did you tell her you two can do the nasty?
Did you tell her can do the horizontal dance of love and remained souled?”
“Could
you be anymore Cordelia than you already are?”
“I
told you before, brutal honesty, I give it, if you don’t like it, stop hanging
out with me.”
“I
love you Cordelia.” He said with a chuckle. “And no I haven’t.”
“You
mean, she’s spent two nights here and you haven’t jumped her bones? Are you
ill?”
“No.”
“Are
you suddenly gay?”
“No
Cordelia, I am definitely not gay, I just want things to be perfect and there’s
too much stuff, so as long she thinks we can’t, we won’t, which is good.”
“Stuff?
What stuff?”
“I
don’t want to base the next phase of Angel and Buffy on a lie, she doesn’t know
what I did, she doesn’t know there is a way to make me very much human very quickly.”
“Oh,
that whole forgotten day thing? I thought you were over that.”
“Cordelia,
she thinks we’ve only ever been together once, when we were together so much
more than that, but it didn’t happen. I want to tell her, but what if we can’t
find a way to be together. I can’t be human again Cordelia, she would get
hurt.”
“Angel,
why don’t you let her take that risk if she wants.”
“Because
I’m not going to just be human, just to get dead two days later. Been there,
done that, I already died once and don’t want to go there again.”
“I’m
just saying, maybe you should learn from your mistakes,
mister-I’ve-grown-so-much, and tell her, be honest.”
“I
don’t know, I just don’t know.”
15
THURSDAY AFTERNOON
“I’m
back!”
He
jumped up, so happy to hear her voice filling up the apartment, “Hi! How’d it
go?”
“You
are looking at the new Public Relations Associate of Jackson, Johnson and Hut.”
“OH
THAT’S GREAT!”
“Even
better than that is starting salary.”
“What
is it?”
“I
was hoping you’d ask that! Forty-five thousand dollars! Plus I get two weeks
paid vacation every six months, dental, eye and medical benefits after three
months, and I get to start handling my own accounts as soon as I start.”
“When
do you start?”
“Next
week, next Monday. And, any traveling I have to do it paid for by the company,
and they are giving me a ten thousand dollar signing bonus for moving costs,
cause I’ll have to relocate, I’ll be living in LA. I get that check tomorrow,
so I’m thinking we can celebrate.”
“By
what?”
“I
was thinking I’d start by taking everyone to dinner, you, me, Wesley and
Cordelia, you all work very hard ridding the world of the vermin that dare call
themselves demons, you deserve a night. And I thought I would take Cordy
shopping.”
“Why?”
“Because
she’s taken such good care of you.”
“She
will so love you.”
“I
know, I’m just lovable.”
“You
are so lovable.” He grabbed her and began his assault on her mouth and senses.
He pulled away after he had had as much of her as he could handle.
“Why
stopping? It was just getting good.” She said with a sparkle in her eyes that
had missing for so long.
“So
this job is definite?”
“Yes
it is. We signed this afternoon; I’ll be assigned a few clients, until I get
some of my own. The gala will give me an opportunity to meet some people
looking for PR reps.”
“Great.
I can’t wait.”
“Me
neither, in more ways than one.” She pulled him to her lips and assaulted him
as he had her. She started laughing.
“What
Buffy?”
“I’m
just thinking how it took me 23 years to finally get my life into place, a job,
a good one, I’ve gotten the Slayer thing under control, and now I’ve got my
man.” He sat on the couch and she sat on top of him, straddling him. “Now first
things first, work on the curse, then the mortal immortal thing.”
“Buffy,
we could sort the immortal mortal thing out first, it seems if we can make me
mortal, or something like it, the curse will be negated if we can get the demon
out.”
“Yes,
but if we get to the curse first, we can have fun while we’re fixing the mortal
immortal thing. And I so want to have fun with you.” She kissed him playfully,
biting his lower lip gently.
“I
thought that didn’t matter.”
“It
doesn’t, but wouldn’t it be an added bonus?”
“Buffy,
I think mortal immortal thing is best, if we can’t figure that out, no sense in
punishing ourselves by going all pelvic, and having to walk away.”
“Angel...”
“Buffy,
please don’t go there with me, I can’t walk away from you again, especially if
we make love again.”
“Angel...”
she put her finger to his mouth. “Angel, I don’t want to make you watch me die,
I won’t. We’ll give it a couple years, and if we can’t figure it out, I’ll walk
away this time. But let’s not think about that until later, okay? We’ll pack it
in the back of our mind, behind some of this.” She licked his lips and plunged
her tongue into his mouth, he was receptive. “Sound like a plan?”
“Yes,
it does, thank you.”
16
THURSDAY NIGHT
“ANGEL!
ANGEL!”
“Cordelia?
What’s up?”
“Vision,
icky man, very big icky man, here’s the address.”
“Okay.”
“And
Angel, I’d take that extra big fighting ax, and maybe a slayer if you’ve got
one lying around.”
“Okay.
Buffy?”
“Yes.”
She came out of the kitchen.
“Extra
big icky guy, up for a fight?”
“Oh,
fighting side by side again, definitely.”
They
arrived at the address and found a slew of demons. “This looks horrible.”
“Don’t
be so pessimistic Buffy.”
“Okay,
what do we do?”
“We
get up on the roof, attack from above, got your crossbow?”
“Yes.”
“Practice
lately?”
“Yes.
Let’s go.”
“Get
on my back.”
“Oh
boy, I love riding you Angel.”
“Buffy...”
“Well
I do, let’s just go.” She hopped on his back and he scaled some drainage pipes
to the top of the warehouse. She jumped off. “Was it as good for you as it was
for me?”
“Better.
Now let’s just watch and see what they are doing.” They watched for a few
minutes until the horror of what they were watching set in. Below them, was a
line of humans, and they were jumping down into a circular hole, and there was
just as steady a stream of demons coming out of a hole not ten feet away. At
the other end of the warehouse, they saw maybe fifty bodies, with maybe twenty
other bodies being fed off of by a hoard of vampires. Some of the humans were
just children; others were adults, teenagers, women and men. She saw two
vampires drinking from a small child, next to her, was another small child
being changed.
“My
god... it’s a demon manufactory, and the children. This explains why there’s
been so many more demons lately.”
“I
know, we have to stop them.”
“Duh.
How?”
“It
looks like some kind of ritual, the lines and candles, and incense. If we can
stop the ritual, maybe we can stop the whole thing. We can’t save the people
who are already dead, but perhaps the others.”
They
moved inside the window, closer to the demons and listened.
“When
will they be here?” One said.
“They
will be, and they will be pleased. The jeweled ones will be pleased.”
“Angel,
jeweled ones?”
“I
don’t know.”
“Angel
look... I’ve seen one before, in your office at Thanksgiving that first year.
We know how to kill them.”
“Killing
them won’t stop the others.” It was a Morha demon, this could be a potentially
lethal fight for him, he had to be careful not to mix blood with any of them.
“So
what do we do?” She asked.
“Those
people look they are entranced or something, like a spell, if we can break
through to them we could try and get of them out.”
“Good
plan, no wonder I love you so much.” She said smiling. Just then she saw
something sparkle in between both holes. “Angel... look.” She pointed. She
looked closer and it appeared to be a jewel that was emanating two lines from
it, to each of the holes. “If we get that jewel, I bet the holes will close up.
You can kill that other demon you know how to kill, I’ll go for the jewel.”
“You
sure?”
“Yes,
after that, you get the people out, I’ll take on the demons.”
“Sure?”
“Yes
Angel, let’s go. I need a distraction to get close enough.”
“Consider
it done.” Just then he kissed her forehead and jumped down the floor, running
away from the jewel, several demons followed him, including the jeweled one.
She jumped down and ran to the jewel, demons began attacking her. She made it
close but was thrown back.
“Silly
mortal girl... you can’t enter the circle without being prepared, all who
enter, become.” They brought Angel to her, three demons had him, he was vamped
out and they had a stake to his heart. “Now, I’d stop fighting if I were you.”
“ANGEL!”
She tried to run to him, but she was held back. He morphed back to human face.
“ANGEL! Let him go! What are you doing here?” She spoke to the Jewel man.
“We
are ending the world. What are you doing?”
“We
are ending the end of the world.”
“Well
my dear, as you can see, one of us is going to walk away happy, and two will
not walk away, and sadly you can’t stop us, it’s already started.” The ground
began to shake violently and the holes began expanding toward the jewel. “Ah,
it’s already started. Let them go, there is nothing they can do.”
Angel’s
mind was racing; he was going through everything he had read about the End of
Days and the jeweled ones. If an unpure creature were to jump in the hole, he
was pretty sure the hole would close up, he had to try. He ran to Buffy and
grabbed her.
“What’s
going on Angel?”
“Buffy,
I have to go.”
“What?”
The ground was shaking and thunderous sounds were drowning out the sound.
“Buffy,
I have to stop it.”
“How?”
“I
won’t be back Buffy.”
“Angel...
no!”
“Buffy,
I love you! I have to go!”
“Angel,
please don’t! I can’t live without you!”
“Buffy,
please... I have to end this.”
With
that he grabbed her and they kissed quickly. He jumped into the circle and she
watched with horror as he dove into the hole. A light shot up through it and
she watched all the demons being sucked into hole. The remaining people began
waking up from the magic, confused and crying. The light dissipated and the
holes closed up, leaving the jewel on the surface. She walked over to it and
held it up, it looked like there was a fluid inside, it was green.
She
sunk to the ground crying. She had lost him for good.
17
DURING THE NIGHT
She
had this nagging feeling, like there was something undone. She got up very
quietly, so as not to wake him, but remembered he was not there. She went to
the chest and opened it up looking very specifically for something. She found
it and quickly flipped to the last page and read it, it was a letter that she
had never gotten.
My love-
How can you possibly forgive me for
what I did to us? Luckily you don’t have to, because you don’t remember because
the past twenty-four hours, the happiest of my life, never happened. Our love
was erased, like it was some cosmic joke, and now I feel even more dead inside
than ever before. Feeling my heart beating, the warmth of humanity then having
it taken away, how can I go on?
I wish I didn’t remember, but it
will pull me through, I think, until I can find my way back into your arms,
into your warmth. Until this burden is not only mine to bear. Until then, I am
haunted by the memories of a day when my dreams came true and I could make love
to you over and over and not worry about the consequences. A day when I was
human and was able to kiss you in the sunlight and not worry about burning.Now
that day is but a shadow, a reflection, in my dreams, a never ending nightmare
for myself, the kind that you always want to have, but never want to remember.
The worst kind of nightmare that seems wonderful until you wake up and realize
that it isn’t real. What will I say when I see you again? What could I say so
as not to sound like an idiot? I pray to the Powers that Be, that you remember
so I don’t have to look into your eyes and lie to you. Part of me wishes you
would never remember, so I never have to know the true meaning of loneliness
and regret.
I am glad I had one more chance with
you. One more time to relish the time with you, and ravish in your juices, and
push us past the line of all logic and sanity, past the point of reality. I
remember fondly, your lips around me, your hands stroking me gently, your
fingers on my back, your breath on my neck, your hair running over my skin. I
close my eyes and remember the delights your body holds for me and wake up and
realize that they are someone else’s now. I’ve not met him once, but already I
hate him, envy him, for being able to touch you in ways I cannot, will not. In
a way I am glad these are only memories, for you should not have to live with
the knowledge of that which I took away from you, once again.
Eternally
sorry,
Angel
She
was unsure how to process what she just read. She flipped back through the
pictures and closed her eyes. The pictures were so vivid, and his letter? Had
he been human? When? How? She flipped through the drawings for sometime that
night until she found one of himself, entitled ‘Self-Portrait.’ In it, he had
long hair, and a vacant sad look about him, it was not recent, probably from
before he was changed. She looked through more and found pictures of him and
Darla together. She cringed. She found some of Drusilla as well, so many, but
never the love with which he drew her.
“Oh
Angel!” She pressed play on the radio and listened. She looked at the pictures
of them together, and the one he had drawn of the other night and realized what
this song really meant.
//Looking back on the
memory of
The dance we shared
‘neath the stars above
For a moment all the
world was right
How could I have
known that you’d ever say goodbye
And now I’m glad I
didn’t know
The way it all would
end the way it all would go
Our lives are better
left to chance
I could have missed
the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held
everything
For a moment wasn’t I
a king
But if I’d only known
how the King would fall
Hey whose to say you
know I might have chanced it all
And now I’m glad I
didn’t know
The way it all would
end the way it all would go
Our lives are better
left to chance
I could have missed
the pain
But I’d of had to
miss the dance
Yes my life is better
left to chance
I could have missed
the pain
But I’d of had to
miss the dance//
She
knew what she had to do. She sat with the pen and paper for an hour and went
back to the warehouse. She put the letter where he had jumped. She caressed the
ground, “Oh my Angel! I guess you finally have atoned and now we shall be
together.”
She
placed the envelope down and raised the blade to her wrist and sliced up her
arm and let it a few drops fall upon the letter along with her tears. She held
the letter with one hand, while her other bled out her life.