A. Tantra is such a vast subject that it's fascinating and awe-inspiring. It includes so much that it can be very confusing to the beginning student. Tantra is an art, a science, a way of life that is honest and courageous. It includes and faces squarely our sexual energy, this awesome force that some religions fear and want to suppress. It can be used to help us reach our highest potential of pleasure, and union with the divine.
However, Tantra is not a religion. Tantra does not require anyone to follow any dogmas. Rather, it encourages us to discover through our own experience our true creative potential for pleasure, and our ability to connect with all the elements that surround us, and the spirit that we all share.
To achieve this, it offers a series of exercises in breathing, tone vibrations, use of certain muscles, and concentration on certain symbols representing the energy centers of the body. This helps us clear blocks interfering with the movement of energy, and guides us into altered states. There we can transcend our everyday self-identification, and we can get a glimpse of our true reality. That includes the body, and is also beyond the body. It's a state of great expansion and orgasmic pleasure that goes way beyond the short-lived ejaculatory orgasm that many are accustomed to.
Q. How is it possible for a man to have an orgasm without ejaculation?
A. Using tantric principles, such as breathing, visualizing and squeezing the love muscles to draw sexual energy from the sex organs up the spine to the back of the brain, a man can learn to ride the waves of orgasm and start coasting along the crest just before he loses the precious life force contained in his semen. He might now rest a little with his beloved, and use this pause period to deepen his sweet love connection with her. They can look at each other and exchange gentle caresses or do synchronized breathing together, which is very fulfilling. Then the couple can proceed to actively make love and reach several peaks in one love session. After having reached several peaks, the man can choose to have an ejaculatory orgasm if desired.
Q. How does tantric sex deepen the love between couples?
A. The tantric couple makes a commitment to keep their love fresh by scheduling time for long love sessions at least once a week. The beginning of every relationship is easy. Everything is new and exciting, and chemistry is carrying us through: We see only what is good about our lover. For some of us, however, after a couple of years when we seem to know everything about each other, and we have made love in all imaginable positions and in every room in the house, boredom might start to creep in unless we go deeper into the realms of the emotions, the psyche, and the spirit. Setting time aside to play together is the best way to discover new things about each other, which makes the relationship exciting again.
Another way to keep the relationship passionate is to commit to a short time of physical connection, even if only ten minutes, at least once a day. Here the intention is just to express the nurturing and caring for each other without having a goal of actually "having sex." The woman is especially grateful for that. It is important to nurture each other, especially when we might start to close our hearts and become numb after repeated disagreements that seem impossible to resolve. After the ten-minute physical nurturing connection, it is often easier to come to a loving solution and restore the good feelings. The body remembers how good it feels to be in harmony and sexually excited.
Q. Why is communication so stressed in Tantra?
A. Many of us believe that we are great lovers, and that we can read our lover's mind about what he or she likes in sex. As tantric practitioners, however, we discover the nuances of pleasure that we miss when we are only goal-oriented, and develop the humility to ask. The person asked sometimes has to overcome his or her shyness or embarrassment in explaining what is most pleasurable. Some people are so afraid to ask for what they want that they don't allow themselves even to become aware of how their needs are not being fulfilled. Lots of patience and gentle coaxing can help the receiving lover become aware and express his or her needs, and slowly open up to more pleasure.
When we communicate fully and with great honesty, the results are wonderful. Usually our partners love giving us what we want. Giving us pleasure increases their pleasure. Asking for what we want (and receiving it) increases our trust in each other, and therefore our closeness and love.