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40. I don't think God put me on this planet to judge others. I think he put me on this planet to gather specimens and take them back to my home planet.

41. I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.

42. I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to help illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when you kill someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet.

43. I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob."

44. I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

45. I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

46. I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later I might think I'm having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.

47. I hope that after I die, people will say of me: ``That guy sure owed me a lot of money.''

48. I read that when the archaeologists dug down into the ancient cemetery, they found fragments of human bones! What kind of barbarians were these people, anyway?"

49. I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.

50. I saw on this nature show how the male elk douses himself with urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!

51. I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. "That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said Nick. "Let's climb higher." "No," I said. "I think we should be heading back now." "We have time," Nick insisted. I said we didn't, and Nick said we did. We argued back and forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided to head back. I didn't say it was an interesting story.

52. I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. And since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.

53. I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.

54. I think a good way to get into a movie is to show up where they're making the movie, then stick a big cactus plant onto your buttocks and start yowling and running around. Everyone would think it was funny, and the head movie guy would say, 'Hey, let's put him in the movie.'

55. I think a pillow should be the peace symbol, not the dove. The pillow has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have a beak to peck you with.

56. I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.

57. I think people tend to forget that trees are living creatures. They're sort of like dogs. Huge, quiet, motionless dogs with bark instead of fur.

58. I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp. That way, you could ride him, then after you camped at night, you could eat him. How about it, science?

59. I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.

60. I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away.

61. I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed shrink is our friend.

62. I think there should be something in science known as the 'reindeer effect'. I don't know what it would be, but I think it would be good to hear someone say 'Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect.'

63. I think they should continue the policy of not giving a Nobel Prize for paneling.

64. I think when you go on trial they should have a parrot there that says guilty or not guilty for you, as a sort of courtesy.

65. I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

66. I wish everybody would have to have an electric thing implanted in our heads that gave us a shock whenever we did something to disobey the president. Then somehow I get myself elected president.

67. I wish I could shrink down to the size of an ant. And maybe there would be thousands of other people shrunken down to ant-size, and we would get together and dig tunnels down into the ground and live there. But don't ever call us "ants," because we hate that.

68. I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo! I'd have all my money back.

69. I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.

70. I wish I lived back in the old west days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out West and start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say, "Looking for gold, ya durn fool." He'd say, "Your pick is gold," and I'd say, "Well, that was easy." Good joke, huh.

71. I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

72. I wish my name was Todd, because then I could say, "Yes, my name's Todd. Todd Blankenship." Oh, also I wish my last name was Blankenship.

73. I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.

74. I wish scientists would come up with a way to make dogs a lot bigger, but with a smaller head. That way, they'd still be good as watchdogs, but they wouldn't eat so much.

75. I wish there was a disease where you're afraid of clouds, because I think I could cure it. First, you sit the patient down and have a long personal talk. After that, I'm not sure, but maybe you could throw some water in his face or something.

76. I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy---something like that.

77. I'll be the first to admit that my idea of God is pretty different. I believe in a God with a long white beard, a gold crown, and a long robe with lots of shiny jewels on it. He sits on a big throne in the clouds, and He's about five hundred feet tall. He talks in a real deep voice like 'I...AM...GOD!' He can blow up stuff just by looking at it. This is my own, personal idea of God."

78. I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it.

79. I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.

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