Children
today face enormous pressures. These
come from their friends, teachers and parents.
While the pressures are real, the choices we make are individual. Our children need to be taught how to
correctly make decisions and how to face the consequences.
In all spheres of life our children are exposed
to people who blame others for their failings.
Even the politicians say that their hands are tied when non-delivery of
government services is questioned.
It is wholly the parent or guardian’s responsibility to deliver a well-balanced citizen into society after the child is older than eighteen. It is the parent who is responsible for their child’s education, eating habits, attitude to life, spiritual and moral development, etc.
However, parental apathy is on the increase. They blame the government, the teachers, the religious ministers and the neighbours. Sometimes they even blame God. How often don’t we hear (or even sometimes say ourselves),
“My child failed the test because of that lousy
teacher.”
“My child was apprehended for deviant behaviour
because of the bad friends.”
When will the cycle of blame that is being passed from generation to generation going to stop?
This paper proposes good practice for parents and community leaders in order to secure a brighter future for our society.
The labelling of a person as good[1]
or bad[2]
is in itself a bad thing to do.
However, history has shown that certain characters are identified and
remembered by the bad acts that they have carried out. Any person who is remorseful and repents can
turn their character around.
Although there does not exist reliable research on good and
bad, we could safely say that all people are born good. It is the scale of damage caused by the 30%
of people that causes much of the focus to be on the bad behaviour.
When these figures are translated, they cause a stir, for
example:
-
If there are 45 million people living in South Africa, then
31 ½ million people will be characterised by strivings to do good for
themselves, their families and their communities.
-
The other side of this statistics is that 13 ½ million
people who are characterised by socially deviant behaviour, is too much.
-
Another perspective is of a Grade Two teacher or a Sunday
School teacher with forty cute little children in the class. If approximately[3]
one in ten people who regularly practice socially deviant acts is arrested,
then the following figures can be mathematically derived:
o 12
children from that class will regularly practice socially deviant acts, and
o 3 of these children from that class will be
arrested and convicted.
All children want to learn
Most children don’t want to taught.
As a result of the force-feeding system of
teaching, we have a situation of most adults not want to learn in addition to
not wanting to be taught.
Force begets force
Respect begets respect
Violence begets violence.
Soap operas and other television programs have the capacity
to change the behaviour of our society.
One advertisement indirectly advises us to "pig out" and take
a tablet to reduce our weight. Not only
is this unhealthy, but also goes against the biblical principle of moderation.
Our children and their parents must be equipped to use the
bible as an effective tool within the context of contemporary living.
New laws are carved out by the custodians of law and order
and rule, which undermine the spiritual and moral values of the ages. Even the age-old tradition of marriage, the
foundation upon which our society is built, is being challenged and modernised.
These challenges not only come from abusive husbands towards
their wives and abusive wives towards their husbands, but now, also from the
politicians who want to allow husband to marry husband and wife to marry wife.
Where will this lead?
To girl marrying father and brother marrying brother?
As parents it is our responsibility to teach good values and
morals, so that, while all the soldiers around our children are falling, they
can continue to march on.
First, a word of caution.
There is no manual on parenting and there is no guarantee that even if
you do all the correct things at the correct time in the correct way that your
child will be perfect. However, you
must try.
- Teach children to
take responsibility and be accountable for their action
- - the blame
culture must be eradicated
- Positive
reinforcement
- - self esteem
- - how to be successful
- - how to fail and
try again - perseverance
Parents must be able to teach their children how to have a
positive attitude about life. They must
not be afraid to identify and correct bad behaviour. The small errors of today become large errors of tomorrow.
Proverbs 5:3-5 New
International Version (1984, International Bible Society)
For the lips of an adulteress drip
honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as
gall, sharp as a double-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death; her
steps lead straight to the grave. [1]
Footnotes
5:5 Hebrew
Sheol
The same goes for the use of drugs (prescribed and
contraband).
Attitude development, like charity, begins at home.
Parents often approach church ministers and other community
workers after a disastrous event has occurred in the child's life. This is generally too late, as history can
never be changed. The reactive call for
help is often fruitless and is evident by the downward spiralling of a young
persons life.
There is the difficult balance of raising children who fit
into society without following the line of "well, everybody does it!"
Inculcate a culture of vision for the future.
While 79% of the teachers surveyed have been in the
classroom for more than ten years, teachers across all levels of experience
complain that parents today are:
- Less willing or
able to spend time with their children (73%).
- Less involved with
their children's school lives (63%).
- Less ethical/moral
(69%).
- More self-centred
(53%).
- Less demanding
(41%).
On both the home and school front, teachers generally have a
better sense of issues impacting teens than do parents whose guidance and
support is vital.
- Teachers rank
parent apathy second to peer pressure as the prime reason for school violence.
- While 45% of
teachers say students cheat on tests, and 40% of students admit to it, less
than 4% of parents think their children do. The same is true of homework, which
parents have greater opportunities to monitor. Teachers think 65% of their
students copy work they do at home, and 66% of students confess to it; yet only
12% of parents think their children copy homework.
- Sixty percent of
teachers and 41% of students believe teens have drinking problems. Yet only 16%
of parents agree. A mere .2% of parents admit that their own child has an
alcohol problem.
- In fact, alcohol
is very common at parties given by students, according to 74% of teachers and
77% of students. Yet only 52% of parents think alcohol is prevalent at student
parties. When asked where their children drink alcohol, 32% of parents say it
takes place in family homes, while a distressing 73% didn't know or couldn't
answer.
"This is role modelling from hell", says Krouse.
"Teen drinking goes on right under parents' own roofs where they should
have the power to stop it. This is an example of how parents are contributing
to teen problems by turning a blind eye when they most need to pay attention."
The ECI survey, Unwilling, Unable and Unprepared: Top
Teachers Rate Parents, Teens and Schools, was conducted among 2,733 teachers
identified by teens featured in Who's Who Among American High School Students
as educators who made a difference in their lives. Respondents encompassed a
wide range of teachers in urban, rural and suburban schools, both public and
private.
http://www.whoswho-teachers.com
We must take responsibility for our destiny. Even if you break your leg or arm, it isn't
the end of the world. Don't apply for
disability grant from the government when your leg is broken, rather, learn a
new skill that uses the strength of the hands.
Don't blame others for your situation. Rise above the situation. If you are ten, fifteen or twenty-five years
old, there are many people who have past this age and who are presently in the
same age as you. If you think that your
problems are unique then you must take the time to find all the other thousands
of people who are striving to get through and those who have already overcome
the same problem.
History is past - what are you going to do now? How are you
going to move forward?
You cannot make yourself stronger by making those around you
weaker.
The bicycle riding to the top.
Turning the focus to self in a selfless manner. What is my purpose? Not, what do people
think about me.
Measure yourself by the standard of Jesus the Christ, not by
those around you.
Live by principles as if they are a tightrope with a safety
net below which will catch you should you slip. Then get back on the tightrope.
Bringing others down with you – There is a cartoon that
reads: “If you can’t make me thin, then make all my friends fat.”
Proverbs 3:27-28 New International Version (1984,
International Bible Society)
Do not withhold good from those
who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.
Do not say to your neighbor, "Come back later;
I'll give it tomorrow"- when you now have it with you.
The case of the child in a high school in Durban North - her
parents are suing the school and governing body for their daughter's
abortion. The story is that she was
afraid of her parents.
|
When we were them Craig D Smith, 16 Oct 2004 |
|
|
To look the same To play the game Pressure from your peer To live the dream Be on the team Boat rocks, who will steer? First innocence, Experience After many years Children won't learn They want, won't earn And a parent fears You want to teach But cannot reach So, you fear the worst They make mistakes And cause headaches You think that you're cursed |
How can this be? Happen to me And then you think back You were that age And filled with rage Made your parents crack You saw the gang With whom to 'hang' You thought they were cool When mummy spoke You made a joke When you broke the rule As children grow They think they know Everything they need As parents grow They need to sow Loving caring seed |
Both parent and child are players in the game of parenting.
The commandment to honour your parents is balanced by the
wise proverb for fathers (parents) not to provoke their sons (children).
Parents must teach; but, on the other hand, children learn
by example.
After twenty years into the relationship, there will be bad
memories on both parts. Forgiveness is
a necessary tool as much as acknowledgement of debt and remorse.
Love
Craig D Smith (November 2004)
Love teaches, yet sometimes the lesson is hard
To ensure learning and prevent retard.
Love protects, yet sometimes the shelter is not comfortable
But the storm outside pushes harder than you are able
Love watches, yet sometimes the eye is disapproving
When focus is lost and your eye starts roving
Love holds, yet sometimes the grasp is tight
Because the dangers cannot be seen when dark the night
Love gives, yet sometimes it’s not what you asked for
Because your needs are great and in future will bring you
more
Love leads, yet the path is sometimes bumpy
If you sit on the wall you fall like humpty dumpty
Love remains, even when I'm gone
Because you'll know that we are one.
C.Smith, 26 November 2004
Poetry by period
of composition is:
Copyright Notice: All material on
this website is owned by Craig D Smith.
(c) Craig D Smith, 1999 - 2004
[1] Jesus said that only the Father in Heaven is good.
[2] It is correct to define behaviour as bad. A person is often associated to the behaviour by which they are most often identified. In Isaiah 65, the cause and effect of iniquitous behaviour is defined.
[3] There are no reliable statistics for the number of criminals who are arrested and convicted.