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| **The scene opens to the very first official in ring interview of YOUR S.A.W. Undisputed Champion, "The Nitemare" Rob Osbourne. Rob is here in the empty arena that will play host to Defiance next week. As he positions himself in the corner of the ring the camera man zooms in for a close up. Many questions still go unsweredn and Mr. Osbourne, the top champ in the S.A.W. intends to set a few hundred records straight.** |
| NRO: Finally, the top championship in S.A.W. has been decided, and as history proves time and again, "The Nitemare" always comes out of a pile of shit smelling like a rose. I made the best of a bad situation. The Snotty Deville's of the world can compare me to the balding, flabby circus clown looking two tone hair color wearing fossil, Terry "Hulk Hogan" Bolea. The difference between me and the Huckster is this, I make it look good. But why waste time on the Crooked Heel when Jimmy Blast has the X on his forehead. Yeah, Deville, Blast WILL win that match at Defiance, and I will FINALLY get to step in the ring again with the Blaster. Oh Snott, please, don't think i doubt your abilities in the ring with the old man, but my money's on Jimbo. You wanna know why? Picture if you will, another place, very similar to the reality in which you live, only things are different...much different, welcome to the Horsemen zone. Now in order for me to even get to the match with "The Dinoblaster" I have to run through Tige's little man bitch first. Wow, I have to retain against Auslese...that's gonna be tough ya know. I mean, he does have a pair of defunct titles from a promotion that was purchased by Another Wrestling Federation. So if you think for one moment Tige' that I am the slightest bit concerned with the title belts I let you steal to shut you up with all of your whining about getting beaten by Moisture at NCW Revolution then you are very sadly mistaken. Tige', the great and powerful Hetero-Life mate of The Edge. Wow, it's been awhile mate. You don't call, you don't write, it's almost like you don't care about me anymore "pal"! You know there are several sayings I have picked up in various locker rooms over the years. One is to keep your enemies closer than your friends, which never works, I did that with Z-Pad in the IoA and I got ran down with a friggin' Humvee for christ's sakes! Another saying is "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me!" You know, there are two mistakes I made in my career. Not bad considering how long I have been in the game. However, those two mistakes were, number one, and the one I will regret until the day I leave this world, and that is ever joining the Horsemen. The second biggest mistake I ever made was an Elite error. The Elite error is a step behind the Horsemen mistake...but regardless, both were bad ideas. The only reason either group ever paid me for my services was to keep me on the same side of the fence they were on. Can you blame them though? I mean seriously, who would want to be against me? Shawn Hillard? Ha, he's merely the World Champion, while I on the other hand, am the S.A.W. Undisputed Champion. I called up Donovan and Vincent's mom, Mela yesterday, I was asking about the boys, who are on an ass kicking tour of the far east, returning to their roots as tag team. Anyhow, she is asking me how I'm doing, so I humor the old brawd and tell her I won the title and my first defense i against Auslese. Ya know what she said? Why does this man call himself Elite. Then I jumped on my laptop and did a translation on www.freetranslations.com and typed in Elite and translated to Italian, know what it said? Elite. Funny, I remember the Elites as a powerful stable from the hey day of the TWO that kicked ass and took names, winning title after title. But this guy, Auslese, is no Elite. He got spanked by one of my ICONS in training, Too Xtreme. Auslese, I have a great offer for you, and I hope you act on it, because opportunity doesn't knock twice at the same door. How about you do this. Jump in my chopper, I'll have you taken to the air base. I'll call in a few favors and get United States Naval Captain, and former EWA World champion, Steve Cross to get you a trip on a supply plane to the USS Adelphia aircraft carrier off of the coast of Bahrain. I think all you fans out there know where I'm headed with this, dontcha? Yeah baby, I've pulled the strings and gotten intouch with the self proclaimed Crown Prince of New Mecca, "The Hotshot" Mike Stewert!!! You take him on first Aussie, then if you can "run through him like a hot knife through butta" then maybe, MAYBE I will let you at least come down to the ring, and you can bring Tige' with you. But really Tige', haven't you hurt your back skiing one too many times? Can you even get your foot high enough to nail the Tige' Time anymore? Come down to the ring with Aussie mate, and you can try to take me out, you can try Tige', but don't say I didn't warn you man. God...I don't know if I could ever handle seeing you hurt. **snickers** It would really break me up, and I'm sure it would upset Jack just as much as me. Speaking of the Jackass. I told you SAW, you never saw it coming!!! The one thing each and everyone of you MUST realize if you ever hope to go anywehere in this "promotion" then you have to use your brain!!! Look at me and Mason, we are fucked up 93% of the day. Barbituates and whiskey for the Jackass, and a tightly wrapped spliff and an ice cold Heineken for me, and yet, we still come out on top, even over such gigantic human anal polyps like the muscle bound freaks that run around this place. Look at Ricky and T, are they built like brick shit houses? Mason looks like he just got out of pris...err....reha......err...well, wherever he was, yeah, that's the ticket, wherever he was, he looks like a pile of shit, but that wirey little grungy bastard, God love him, always gets the job done. It's not because of our physiques that we will soon hold every championship within the SAW, no, no, no, it is because we have the most deviant, methodical, complacent, crafted, experienced, vile, dispicable minds ever to step through the doors of the SAW together in one group. You were partly right Blaster when you said me and Mason were the top of the UA, while we are, we're not alone, as evident by the beatdowns T-Money continues to give out, and the All-Canadian champion, which isn't you Blast. Sure, I got this bitch on lock down, standing on the top of the mountain with the top prize, the Undisputed Championship, but these boys here in the Alliance, the ones encircling the mountain, protecting my ass-ets at every turn, they are the ICONS in Training, and they will not be denied. Yet you continue to berate me old man, saying how I will just use them like Marge Schott used the good people of Cincinatti's money to buy her carton upon carton of cigarettes. God Jimmy, I know you are getting closer with each day to finally meeting your maker, and I know that the Alzheimer's has been diagnosed, but the doctors told us all that you could live a normal life and would go completely loopy for another two years. So you're angry at me for doing what you attempted. Yes, I will never deny that i have alligned myself with the best, just like you did. BUt the thing is Jimmy, and every one of the ICONS in training will tell ya, I am THE best there is, it doesn't get any better. Where in your case, you were midcard at best compared to me, and i stole your thunder, just like I stole Pledge's, and you are bitter. Well, get past Deville James, I'm begging you to. I want to be the one who ends it for you Jimmy. I know why you want me so badly, because you know if you miss this chance, you will never be able to get back to my level again. You're really not in my league anymore anyway, but i will extend you the same invitation I gave that fucking cock from down under, you can try...but all you will do is simply come to the grand conclusion of all conclusions. You will know once and for all that .... |
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