- Bartelby: "You can't be anal retentive if you don't have an anus!"
- Loki: "Mass genocide is the most exhausting practices one can engaged in... next to soccer."
- Jay: "What do I know about shifting??.... Like I ever drove before."
- Jay:" I feel like I'm Han Solo, you're Chewie, and she's Ben Kenobie and we're in that fucked up bar."
- Nun: You don't believe in God because of "Alice in Wonderland?"
Loki: No, "Through the Looking Glass." That poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter," that is an inditment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and good nature, he obviously represents Buddah... or with his tusks, the Hindu god Ginesha. That takes care of your eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carptenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now in the poem what do they do... what do they do? They... they dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensures the destruction of one's inner being. Organized religion who we are by inhibiting our actions... by inhibiting our decisions, out of... out of fear of some... some intangible parent figure who... who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says... and says, "Do it--Do it and I'll fucking spank you!"
MALLRATS
- Brodie: "The food court is downstairs, the cookie stand is upstairs. Its not like we are talking quantum phyisics here!
- Little boy: A schooner is a sailboat stupid head!
William: You know what?! There is no Easter Bunny!! Over there... that's just a guy in a suit!
- Brodie: One time my cousin Walter got a cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at the local mall so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarassing for my relatives and all. But the next week he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with a trip to the emergency room. Then, last week I saw him in the pet store. He was buying another cat! I said, 'Walt what the hell are you doing, you know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too, why don't you just knock it off?' And he says to me, ' Brodie, how else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?' My cousin is a weird guy.
- Brodie: "All I said was the Easter Bunny at the park mall was more convincing and he just jumped me and took me down."
Jay: "He's fucking dead!"
Brodie: "Oh let it go, he's under alot of pressure!"
OLD SCHOOL
- Peppers: "Yes!! That's awesome!"
Frank: "What?"
Peppers: "You just took one in the jugular man"
Frank: "Oh no! I did! Is this bad?"
Peppers: "You should pull that out. That shit is not cool."
Frank: "Wait pull what out?"
Peppers: "The dart. You got a fucking dart in your neck."
Frank: (laughs) "You're crazy man... you're crazy... I like you... but you're crazy."
- Frank: "Blue! Do you trust that I don't want to see you die here tonight?"
Blue: "Sir, yes, sir!"
Frank: "Blue, you're my boy!!"
- Beanie: "All you gotta do is say "earmuffs" to him and you can say whatever you want. Fuck, shit, bitch."
Frank: Cock. Balls.
- Frank: You're my boy, Blue! ... you're my boy...
- Nicole: Denver
Mitch: Ah... the sunshine state...
- Mitch: True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...
- Mitch: My seatbelt appears to be broken... what do you reccomend I do?
Driver: I recommend you stop being such a faggot... you're in the back seat.