jokes.page

CaT's JoKe PaGe!!!

Glad to see you've kept up with me so far, this page has a collection of the best jokes I can route out, I will change them regurlary, so be sure to keep updated!

American In Mexico.

There was this American Tourist in Mexico and he was getting tired of walking around, so he went up to a donkey rental place and said, "Can I rent a donkey?"

The guy said, "We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses. This is the only ass I have left, and you have to scratch him when you want to make him stop."

The guy rides his ass for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a hotdog. The vendor replies, "We don't call them hotdogs here we call them wieners."

Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another tourist and says "Will you hold my wiener while I scratch my ass?"

Confucious Quotes.

Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.
Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
Man who smoke pot choke on handle.
Man who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
Man who have women on ground have piece on earth.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Take many nails to make a crib but one screw to fill it.
Man who go to bed with itchy ass wake up with sticky fingers.
There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.

David Beckham

What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit?
One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!

What do David Beckham and a Cartier watch have in common?
They both come in a Posh box!

Landlord Letters.

The following are real examples of letters that have been sent into Landlords.

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

The lavatory is blocked, this is caused by the boys next door throwing their balls on the roof.

This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.

I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burned my knob off.

I'm writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.