Astronomy, Dentistry, and Truck Transportation are all great things to learn about (well, maybe not dentistry). But the Boy Scout merit badges are really showing their age -- it's about time someone suggested an update. In that spirit, CCJ brings you three... Modern Merit Badges!
 
MALNUTRITION
 
1. Describe your use of the major food groups: fast food, candy, ice cream, salt, and saturated fats.
2. Show first-aid procedures for:
a. heart attack
b. choking
c. stroke
d. heartburn
3. Do one (1) of the following:
a. Using an unhealthy diet, gain at least ten pounds in less than four weeks. Keep a record of your progress.
b. Initiate litigation against the fast-food enterprise of your choice. Obtain a verdict or settlement of not less than $100,000.




 
DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY LIFE
 
1. Demonstrate your usual method for resolving family conflicts. Hand out pool cues, broken bottles, etc. and ask other scouts to pitch in by portraying family members.
2. Discuss the results of your latest paternity test with your merit badge counselor.
3. Do two (2) of the following:
a. Create a family tree. Include all stepfathers/stepmothers, foster parents, live-in boyfriends/girlfriends, etc.
b. Appear with family members on Jerry Springer or Maury. Reveal that ShaFonce don't know who her baby daddy is, and you might be the father.
c. Get a note from your social worker stating that you have played an important role in your family's dysfunction.




 
APATHY
 
1. Do not write a 500 word essay on the meaning of apathy.
2. Do all of the following:
a. Fail to participate in extracurricular activities. Show a consistent drop in GPA over four quarters of school.
b. Demonstrate a complete lack of community service.
c. Spend a total of 7 days doing nothing on your couch. (Note: Playing XBox, eating cheese curls, and napping count toward this total.)
d. Discuss what you have learned through wasting your time.

Return to the Articles Page 1
Hosted by www.Geocities.ws