Lately there have been many complaints about the political correctness of childrens' literature and textbooks. For example, textbook producers cannot use stories in which Asian children do well in school, or Mexican children have parties with family. Clearly, there is a problem: they don't go far enough!

Children need to understand that everyone is exactly alike in every way, no matter how different they may be. In that spirit, Activists Caring for Kids (ACK) suggests a new childrens' book series.





Chapter One
A Bored Class

The third-grade class at Gordon Liddy Elementary School was bored again. Even Percy, the class turtle, had dozed off! "Isn't there anything to do?" Ling complained.

"I know!" Rob said. "Why don't we ask Professor Frazzle?" Professor Frazzle was their teacher. He had crazy red hair and always had fun ideas.

"Professor Frazzle, we're all bored," Lucy told him. "What can we do for fun?" Maybe Professor Frazzle would take them on another fun trip -- like the times they went inside the human body, or to Jupiter!

"Hmm, let's see," the Professor said, stroking his beard. "Say -- do you see those people outside the window?" The class looked out and saw people in ripped clothes. They were pushing shopping carts. "What are they?"

Minorities?" said Tim.

"Other than that," Professor Frazzle said. "They're homeless. That means they live out in the street!"

"Homeless," said Gina, the rich girl. "Oh, I've seen them eating out of the dumpster at Arby's -- and Mommy and Daddy won't even eat in the restaurant!"

"My grandpa said they're hobos," Rob said. "He used to break their heads when he worked for the railroad."

Professor Frazzle smiled and shook his head. "That was how the homeless were treated in the olden days, Rob. But now things are different! Say -- why don't we meet these homeless people ourselves?"

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Arnold said. Arnold was fat and played with model trains. No one liked Arnold.

"Of course it is," Professor Frazzle said, playfully rabbit-punching Arnold. "Okay, everyone in the bus -- we've got some homeless people to meet! Oh, and ignore Arnold."

"We already are!" Gina said, pushing Arnold aside and taking his seat. Everyone laughed.

Chapter Two
Meeting The Homeless

The bus was magic. When they went inside the human body, it turned into a blood cell! When they learned about plants, it turned into a bumblebee! "What is the bus turning into this time?" wondered Rob.

"All aboard!" Professor Frazzle cried. "Okay, bus -- do your thing!"

With a popping sound, the bus magically changed into an olive-green 1982 Chevrolet Citation! "Hey -- there's cigarette burns in the carpet! And urine stains!" Ling shouted excitedly.

And with another pop, the children were changed, too. Rob was suddenly wearing a tattered Raptors jacket. Gina was wearing a Vanilla Ice tee shirt and a fisherman's cap.

Well, everybody out!" the Professor said. He was wearing an army jacket with funny political buttons all over. They got off the bus. Suddenly, Arnold doubled over in a spasm of coughing.

"I can't breathe!" he gasped. "I'm coughing up blood!"

"That's your tuberculosis," the Professor said with a twinkle in his eye. "And those sores on your leg are from syphilis. Remember, you're homeless now!"

"Gee, this isn't much fun," Arnold said, spitting phlegm and turning purple. No one cared.

The kids looked around. They were in an alley behind a laundromat. There were cardboard boxes and rats all over. "Hey, kids," the Professor said. "It's my old friend Jerry!"

Jerry was a tall man with greasy hair. He carried plastic bags full of cans. "Hi, kids," he said.

"Hi, Jerry," they answered.

He bent down and picked up a can, then scooped some of the jelly out with his finger. He put it in a sock to strain it. "Sterno, anyone? Some people won't be happy without a carton of wine or some Colt 45, but this is okay with me. Only problem is the blindness."

"Where do you eat?" Gina asked.

"Sometimes at the soup kitchen... sometimes at Bob's, if they're paying for blood at the Red Cross."

"Do you sleep here?" Rob asked.

"Sure do," Jerry said. He laid out a copy of the Times. "Behind a laundromat is the best -- you can get up next to a steam pipe when it's cold out."

"What do you do during the day?" Ling asked.

"Well, usually I shake a Pepsi bottle full of quarters and hope for spare change. Other times I'm in the drunk tank, or I talk to my pal Sandy. He went to a place called Vietnam. You should hear his funny stories!"


Chapter Three
What We Learned

They came home the next day. "So, kids," the Professor said, "what did you learn?"

Ling said, "Norway rats are the ones that bite. They have stubby snouts and short tails."

Arnold said, "If you cough up enough diseased lung in a diner, you can get a free ride to the hospital!"

Pedro said, "We shouldn't make broad stereotypes about a group of people," as he adjusted his sombrero and ate a tortilla.

"I guess homeless people are just like us," Rob said. "They just drink rubbing alcohol and don't wash themselves!"

"Sounds like you kids learned a lot," the Professor said. And they did!

THE END
New Words

drunk tank   A place to stay for free when you drink too much alcohol

homeless   Without a home

Raptors   A Canadian basketball team... hahahaha, okay, sorry

Sterno   A drink the homeless like made from canned heat

tuberculosis   A bad cough

QUIZ
See how much you learned!

1. How do you filter Sterno?

2. How did Arnold get a free ride to the hospital?

3. What kind of rats bite people?

(Answers on Page 11)


Try the other books in the series, too!
  • The Magic Field Trip Visits The Inside Of The Body
  • The Magic Field Trip Visits A Terrorist Camp
  • The Magic Field Trip Visits The Solar System
  • The Magic Field Trip Visits An Inner-City Housing Project
    For Parents And Teachers
    Questions For Discussion
    1. Do we know any homeless people?
    2. Why should we help the homeless?
    3. Can anyone think of an incredibly condescending way to help them?
    4. Will someone's mommy or daddy take pictures of us doing it?
    5. Does anyone's mommy or daddy know the mayor?
    6. How about the superintendent of schools?

    Classroom Activities
    • Encourage role-play. Make some students homeless and others the oppressive police and judicial system. For a treat, let the most well-behaved student be an ACLU lawyer!

    • Have parents come to a Homeless Luncheon. Bring cartons of Night Train wine, cheap soup, and refuse from Burger King. Then relentlessly shame them for having money.

    • Put on a Homeless Talent Show. See which student is best at begging for money. Singing, juggling, lip-synching, and schizophrenic tirades are all possibilities. Reward the winner with a sagging cot and free soup.
  • Create a Homeless Diorama, using glass shards, syringes, street debris, and other classroom items. Hand out pretend money and auction it off to the high bidder.

  • Rent an educational video, such as Bumfights or Bumfights 2. Remember to ask discussion questions, like: "Why do you think Steamer Bill was willing to knock that man out for an orange?"

    For Parents

    We understand that talking to your kids about homelessness isn't easy. Try using a conversation starter, like:

    "You know, Billy, someday your dad and I are going to die, whether you like it or not. Then the house will probably burn down. And then you'll be out on the street, alone and full of disease. That's what homeless means."

    Or, try acting it out. The night before, strew trash around then living room. Then, have Dad wake the kids up by jumping around and screaming obscenities. Explain that this is like being homeless. They'll understand right away!

    		• Resources

    The Magic Field Trip Visits The Homeless, VHS or DVD. A 20 minute video exploring why the homeless are just like us. Features Johnny Stab as Jerry. Discussion questions at the end.

    You're Homeless, Charlie Brown!, VHS. A 30 minute video about what happens when Charlie Brown and Snoopy's home is repossessed. A scene featuring a violent mugging by the Red Baron may be too intense for children under 12.

    Order ACK resources from:

    Activists Caring for Kids
    1440 Springfield Crescent
    Frampton, OH 23422

    Or, call our toll-free number:
    1-800-TOO-PC

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