Worthless Gifts Since 1958
Summer 2005
Are you looking for fun, unique gifts for your friends and family? Well, they probably have lots of fun, unique stuff already -- why not try something different? Look in your mailbox or recycling bin for a copy of...
| Challenging puzzle is a-maze-ing fun! Passive-aggressive? Or just mean-spirited? Either way, you should grab this gift for your friends and family! This isn't like other money puzzles you've seen -- with this one, it's impossible to extract the money! Watch them struggle for hours trying to extract the money inside, knowing they don't have a chance! Hahaha, losers! Choose from $5, $10, $20, or $100. Money Cube ....... $10.95 |
| Delicious Depression-Era Meals! What do you think of when you hear "The Great Depression"? That's right -- great food! Those golden years of unemployment and crushing poverty created some of America's most memorable recipes. This spiral-bound collection has over 200 favorite Depression-era dishes. Every meal is filling and hearty for a hard day of begging for spare change! Depression Era Recipes Cook Book ....... $26.00 | 
| (An excerpt from Depression Era Recipes)
1 gallon water 1 cup salt Bring water to a boil. Add salt. Stir. Serve hot with Carrot Peelings (page 67) or More Salt (recipe follows). Serve. |
| Collecting Clippings Is A Snap With "Hair-Brella"! Well, we might as well admit it. Last month this was the Leak-Prufe Furniture Protector. And the month before it was the Dog's D-Lite Portable Bathtub. So we're pretty much just going to keep coming up with new uses until we can unload them. I mean, don't get us wrong -- it's fine for cutting hair, I guess, but... Come on. We're running out of ideas here. Hair-Brella ...... $5.95 |
| Comfort For Grieving Pet Owners For years, pet owners have wondered: do animals go to heaven? This book offers the definitive answer: No. Using conclusive Biblical and Talmudic evidence, it methodically proves that animals have no souls and therefore are ineligible for heaven. Do Pets Go To Heaven effectively smashes the silly notion that dead pets go on to a better place. Guaranteed to crush foolish hopes or your money back. Pets Book ...... $14.95 | 
| Ashtray With An Attitude! You've already alienated them with clouds of foul smoke... why not finish the job with a |
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Toaster Bags Are A Kitchen Revolution! Common sense might tell you that putting a plastic bag into the toaster is a bad idea. A really bad idea. And you're absolutely right! If you put these bags into the toaster for more than a few seconds, they burst into flame, releasing toxic smoke and quite possibly setting your kitchen on fire. But here's what we're thinking: anyone dumb enough to put a plastic bag into the toaster isn't smart enough to get a good attorney and sue us! In fact, they're probably not reading this paragraph, where we're giving away our whole strategy! So we'll mark these up a few dollars, sell a bunch, and count on our readers' low intelligence! Set of 8. Toaster Bags ...... $19.98 |  Click To The Finish Line! This NASCAR mouse (PS2 adapter not included) is a 1/50 scale model of your favorite driver's car! Choose from Dale Earnhardt Jr., Jeff Gordon, or Jim Smith! But watch out -- just like a real NASCAR car, it may careen out of control, smash against your keyboard in a heap of twisted metal, and throw a flaming tire up into your face! Great for kids. NASCAR Mouse ...... $20.75 |
bitter, confrontational attitude? This ashtray will let everyone know exactly where you stand in the most insulting way possible! Be sure to ask about our Nonsmoker's Nightmare Cigarettes (item #B5210) -- Double the secondhand smoke of regular brands, guaranteed!