Midlife Crisis Outfitters
"Clothing To Stave Off Your Crushing Middle-Aged Depression"
14401 Morris Ave • Suite 220B • New York, NY 44382-2214 • 800-555-2393
Summer / Fall 2005
| Yardarm Crewneck Sweaters All the warmth your bitter ex-wife couldn't provide Time to face facts. You're never buying that yacht. You're never going to watch the sunrise in Tahiti. At your age, you probably won't see the ocean again before you kick off. But why not buy the clothes and pretend? Yardarm Crewneck Sweaters are made of a thick cotton and polyester blend -- perfect to keep out the bone-racking chill of your lonely life. Heat up some canned soup and watch some old detective shows -- you're not getting any younger. Sizes S, M, X, XL, or XXL. Available in cranberry, taupe, lemon, or beige. $38.95 (plus S+H) | 
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| Plush Sheepskin Slippers Treat your feet better than you were ever treated With our sheepskin slippers, the only pain you'll feel will be emotional. They're not only comfortable -- they protect your feet from bottlecaps, beer can pull-tabs, and razor blades. And with the Two Year Comfort Guarantee, they'll be around long after all your dreams have died and you've been ruined by depression. Sizes 9-13. $12.50 (plus S+H) |
| Shillhire Farms Gift Basket Because no one else will give you anything You're 45 years old. You might as well be dead to them. So get yourself this basket of succulent sausages, brick cheese, and gourmet coffee, and dream about what might have been, if only you had invested in Microsoft twenty-five years ago. You may die alone, but at least it won't be on an empty stomach. (Add Hickory Cocktail Franks or Pecan Cheddar Log for just $3.) Net wt. 120 oz. $25.99 (plus S+H) | 
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Yes! Rush my order for an additional charge of $12, because I realize how fragile life is and that I could keel over dead any moment.
Send a copy of Everest and Kilimanjaro: A Memoir by Reginald Fletcher, the J.A. Prufrock Book of the Month, with my order because I'll obviously never have a thrilling adventure, but I'd like to read about someone else's.
Name _____________________
Address ____________________
Address (Line 2) ____________________
City ____________________________
State __
Zip _____
I would like to order
_______________________
_______________________
_______________________
_______________________
Yes! Rush my order for an additional charge of $12, because I realize how fragile life is and that I could keel over dead any moment.
Send a copy of Everest and Kilimanjaro: A Memoir by Reginald Fletcher, the J.A. Prufrock Book of the Month, with my order because I'll obviously never have a thrilling adventure, but I'd like to read about someone else's.
