Sleeping It Off With The Cap'n
Second in "The Cap'n and Me", series commissioned by Cap'n Jimmy's Co., by Richard Flontley
Goooood morning, Sunshine... Have a nice rest? Well, I'm not surprised. It's been three days. That's right, your longest bender yet. Oh... Guess you'd better wait a minute to get up. So grab a bottle of the Cap'n and relax. That's the stuff, straight up out of the bottle. That flavor comes from the grain we use, harvested from the side of County Route 42. It's aged for six months in plywood, the way Granddad used to do it. So lie on that old couch in your den, crack open some Food Club Franks 'n' Beans, and wait for the room to stop spinning. And while you're at it, crack open another bottle of Cap'n Jimmy's Authentic Scotch. You've earned it.
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Surgeon General's Warning: Cap'n Jimmy's Authentic Scotch may cause brain injury, seizures, blindness, gastritis, liver disease, cancer, or a bad rash. Do not drink Cap'n Jimmy's before driving, boating, or operating heavy machinery. In fact, you're probably better off staying away from the stuff altogether. |
